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Capt. James H. Callahan

When you REALLY want to hit someone in the face with a shovel....

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Guy across the street from us is constantly yelling at his wife. More like screaming. One night they came in when my wife and I were outside having a smoke, and he was screaming at her worse than normal. You could hear him screaming at her after they went inside, then we heard BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!! We were like oh Hell, somebody just got shot, but then more screaming. My wife had enough and called the law. The law investigated, and supposedly he hit the inside of the garage door and bloodied his knuckles. We really worry about her. We generally mind our own business, but sometimes it's hard not to go over there and put his profile on a shovel like in the cartoons. I never screamed at a dog like that.

Rant over.

JHC

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Hard to ignore and harder to help out with some spouses.

Best to just keep calling the Police when the trouble starts.

Maybe, with their interventions the wife may see that she would be better off on her own.

Any firearms present?

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Not that I know of......on their side of the street. If I ever see him hit her he may get a coach gun in his face.

JHC :angry:

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I would steer clear of getting involved in domestic disputes. I have learned from experience that what @Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said is very true and very good advice. 

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22 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I would steer clear of getting involved in domestic disputes. I have learned from experience that what @Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said is very true and very good advice. 

I agree. Like I say we tend to mind our own business. If he hits her he just better not let me see it. Just saying.

JHC

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One of my buddies intervened once . Husband was beating on wife so he started beating on husband. So battered wife stabbed him because he was beating her husband . Cost him some Dr and lawyer bills and luckily just some pain and stitches . He called the cops after that 

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I keep thing quiet aroung by "MAN CAVE" . . by having it on 5 acres, . . . . . . with more 5 acre bare plors on all sides of my 5.  :)   wurks gud. 

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Sorry to hear about your neighbors. 

 

I know now your heart’s in the right place, but no good will come from you intervening.  Even the pros don’t like entering a domestic dispute.

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Sad when wanting to help, trying to help, can make life worse for the person just attempting to... help.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Last time I got “involved” in that kind of thing, I listened to it bout as long as I could, child crying and screaming, wife doing the same, husband screaming, sound of him slapping wife....from a long way out.  I called the Sheriff, thought better of it, called back, asked them to send two Deputies cause the guy is pretty aggressive, then thought better of that, called back and told them to send a third, female deputy.  They all drove in and things quieted down pretty quickly.  Another vehicle showed up, a County officer of some kind.  I’ve never seen the wife and kid over there since.  My other neighbor To the West, called me to ask what was going on and I told him to come over.  He came over, and stayed huddled down back there by the barn,  in the tall grass with my binoculars.  Later, he filled me in on what was said.  

 

I didn’t want to involve the Sherrif, bu I didn’t see any other option.

Edited by Cat Brules
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6 hours ago, Capt. James H. Callahan said:

I agree. Like I say we tend to mind our own business. If he hits her he just better not let me see it. Just saying.

JHC


I know exactly what you mean. Do yourself a favor. If it comes to that, count to ten before you intervene. Think about it.
 

@Buckshot Bob  - his example above is a common scenario for things like these. I didn’t get stabbed, but I can tell you that an aluminum skillet feels like cast iron in the hands of an angry frustrated scared woman. 

 

 

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Two Westerville, Ohio police officers were murdered two years ago, responding to a home with repeated domestic calls. While I understand the desire to intervene and help, prudence dictates to not do so personally. 

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When I lived in Ca I was in Susanville . At the time the correctional facility there was the largest maximum security facility in the country. They would take every problem child from LA and Oakland that they didn’t want left in the local community and put them there . There was a trailer park right outside the prison that housed many of these people’s families a sheriff’s deputy I knew worked the midnight shift covering that trailer park . He always had some very interesting and disturbing stories. 

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Thanks to all. Trust me, I have no plans or desire to get involved. Just venting.

JHC

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7 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I would steer clear of getting involved in domestic disputes. I have learned from experience that what @Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said is very true and very good advice. 

Wise words.  Back in the 80s I stopped a guy from kidnapping a women at gunpoint in the parking lot of the hotel I managed.  He had turned her face into hamburger before I got involved.  Long story short, the woman wouldn't press charges even after being beat up pretty good and having a gun held to her head. You can't fix stupid, you can only end it, or avoid it. 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:

Too often even the police don’t fare well in domestic disputes.

 

Yep.

 

Home owner called.  Her live in boy friend beat her up.  I had his parents come and pick him up to get him out of the house.  She promised me she would contact the County Prosecutor in the morning to file charges.  I promised her the Prosecutor would have my report by noon.  

 

She didn't keep her promise.  A week later she called again, this time the beating was worse.  His parents were called again.  He's out of the house again.  She refuses medical treatment again.  I remind her of her earlier broken promise to file charges, if she doesn't this time don't bother to call us because we will not respond.  She promises again.

 

She calls a third time.  I asked if she filed charges for the two earlier assaults (I knew she hadn't). "No" she said.  "If you not willing to help yourself there is nothing we can do for you."  I told her before I hung up.  Soon after that she moved out of Town.

 

It's sad that some women are staved for attention so much that they are willing to take a beating to get it.

 

 

Edited by Matthew Duncan
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Posted (edited)
On 5/15/2020 at 3:26 AM, Buckshot Bob said:

One of my buddies intervened once . Husband was beating on wife so he started beating on husband. So battered wife stabbed him because he was beating her husband . Cost him some Dr and lawyer bills and luckily just some pain and stitches . He called the cops after that 

 

That is the story of my law enforcement career, pard.  There's nothing like kicking down a door because he is on top of her strangling her to death, tackling him and wrestling him into handcuffs, and then get whacked upside the head with a frying pan by the woman you just rescued.  

 

Capt. Callahan, I grew up in a house like what you're describing.  The first time I ever bowed up on my old man was when I was 8 years old and he was throwing my mother around the living room.  It didn't end well for me.  Our house had holes in the walls from all the violence, several of which were put there by my head when he smashed me through it.  My mother and I got it the worst; my siblings tried to stay clear of him to protect themselves, but I've never been willing to cower in fear or submit to a bully.  I always fight back.  I always have, and I always will.  

 

I've mentioned on this forum how I spent 6 years boxing, and now you know why.  I was 12 when I started taking boxing lessons, and 15 when I started practicing with the local college team.  My coach was a two-tour Vietnam veteran with the 82nd Airborne, and as tough as you would imagine him to be.  He had no idea he was preparing me to beat my dad in a fight.  

 

I turned 18 when I was a high school senior.  My mom had grown weary of being a punching bag for 24 years and had left three years earlier.  My old man came home drunk on New Year's and we got into it again.  We were the same height, same reach, but he outweighed me by 60 pounds.  Yes, I was a darn good boxer, but with that weight difference one good punch could end it for me.  

 

I outboxed him for awhile, getting in some good blows and slipping or dodging most of his.  Go to YouTube and look up Mike Tyson's inside body shots -- he was a "peekaboo" fighter and I copied my fighting style after his -- dodging, ducking, and slipping past punches (looking like you're playing peekaboo with a high guard) to get inside and land brutal body shots.  A good body shot -- or better yet, a series of them -- will completely demoralize an opponent.  I managed to break four of his ribs.  But fighting inside against a guy with that much weight advantage is risky, and he wasn't following the Marquis of Queensbury's rules.  He grabbed me and threw me onto the floor, then tried to get on top of me and beat me to death.

 

I have no doubt in my mind he was trying to murder me.  

 

Fear is a great motivator.  I knew if he got on top while I was down, I wasn't going to live to see my 19th birthday.  As he got within range I kicked his knee sideways, tearing something.  He went down, I rolled and got back up.  That ended the fight.  He had four broken ribs and whatever I had done to his knee.  I had two black eyes, one of which was cut on the brow in the stereotypical boxer's cut.  Both eyes were pretty badly swollen.  To this day he has problems walking on that knee, and age and weight are catching up to him.  

 

I was an 18 year-old high school senior, and I moved out the next day.  Still in high school, I was now working at night to pay rent and bills.  I was a whopping two blocks away from my dad's house, but you can imagine we didn't talk much.  My friends from school showed up thinking they had a party headquarters.  "Get the hell out, I have bills to pay!" was my best response.  

 

And you know what?  I stayed in that house through college, met someone, and got married my senior year.  We are coming up on our 21st anniversary, and wouldn't you know it, there hasn't been a single act of violence between us.  Sure we've argued, but I'll be damned if I treat anyone the way my old man treated me.  I truly believe -- and no liberal crybaby can convince me otherwise -- that the male body is designed for combat, and that our place as men is to PROTECT those weaker than ourselves, whether we wear a uniform or not.  

Edited by Cyrus Cassidy #45437
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46 minutes ago, Matthew Duncan said:

 

Yep.

 

It's sad that some women are staved for attention so much that they are willing to take a beating to get it.

 

 

 

I disagree with that.  Having been a victim of an abusive marriage it's a lot deeper than that.  After a long period of mental abuse, where the person is left feeling like a bad relationship is better than no relationship, or that the abusive partner is the only person on the planet that even half way likes them, the physical abuse starts.  By then the victim has virtually no self esteem and is in a form of deep depression.  Some times they get the resolve to pull themselves out of the situation.  It takes some serious mental health counseling for the victim to realize their own self worth and value.  More often than not, victims of abuse never get the chance.

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8 minutes ago, Cyrus Cassidy #45437 said:

 

That is the story of my law enforcement career, pard.  There's nothing like kicking down a door because he is on top of her, strangling her to death, tackling him and wrestling him into handcuffs, and then get whacked upside the head with a frying pan by the woman you just rescued.  

 

Capt. Callahan, I grew up in a house like what you're describing.  The first time I ever bowed up on my old man was when I was 8 years old and he was throwing my mother around the living room.  It didn't end well for me.  Our house had holes in the walls from all the violence, several of which were put there by my head when he smashed me through it.  My mother and I got it the worst; my siblings tried to stay clear of him to protect themselves, but I've never been willing to cower in fear or submit to a bully.  I always fight back.  I always have, and I always will.  

 

I've mentioned on this forum how I spent 6 years boxing, and now you know why.  I was 12 when I started taking boxing lessons, and 15 when I started practicing with the local college team.  My coach was a two-tour Vietnam veteran with the 82nd Airborne, and as tough as you would imagine him to be.  He had no idea he was preparing me to beat my dad in a fight.  

 

I turned 18 when I was a high school senior.  My mom had grown weary of being a punching bag for 24 years and had left three years earlier.  My old man came home drunk on New Year's and we got into it again.  We were the same height, same reach, but he outweighed me by 60 pounds.  Yes, I was a darn good boxer, but with that weight difference one good punch could end it for me.  

 

I outboxed him for awhile, getting in some good blows and slipping or dodging most of his.  Go to YouTube and look up Mike Tyson's inside body shots -- he was a "peekaboo" fighter and I copied my fighting style after his -- dodging, ducking, and slipping past punches (looking like you're playing peekaboo with a high guard) to get inside and land brutal body shots.  A good body shot -- or better yet, a series of them -- will completely demoralize an opponent.  But fighting inside against a guy with that much weight advantage is risky, and he wasn't following the Marquis of Queensbury's rules.  He grabbed me and threw me onto the floor, then tried to get on top of me and beat me to death.

 

I have no doubt in my mind he was trying to murder me.  

 

Fear is a great motivator.  I knew if he got on top while I was down, I wasn't going to live to see my 19th birthday.  As he got within range I kicked his knee sideways, tearing something.  He went down, I rolled and got back up.  That ended the fight.  To this day he has problems walking on it, and age and weight are catching up to him.  

 

I was an 18 year-old high school senior, and I moved out the next day.  Still in high school, I was now working at night to pay rent and bills.  I was a whopping two blocks away from my dad's house, but you can imagine we didn't talk much.  My friends from school showed up thinking they had a party headquarters.  "Get the hell out, I have bills to pay!" was my best response.  

 

And you know what?  I stayed in that house through college, met someone, and got married my senior year.  We are coming up on our 21st anniversary, and wouldn't you know it, there hasn't been a single act of violence between us.  Sure we've argued, but I'll be damned if I treat anyone the way my old man treated me.  I truly believe -- and no liberal crybaby can convince me otherwise -- that the male body is designed for combat, and that our place as men is to PROTECT those weaker than ourselves, whether we wear a uniform or not.  

 

Bless you for being able to get out of that situation, Cyrus.  I'm sorry you, your mom and siblings had to endure that. 

 

My father was abusive also, although not to that extent.  I grew up thinking that is the way marriages were supposed to be.  That's probably why I got into an abusive marriage.

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19 minutes ago, Calamity Kris said:

 

I disagree with that.  Having been a victim of an abusive marriage it's a lot deeper than that.  After a long period of mental abuse, where the person is left feeling like a bad relationship is better than no relationship, or that the abusive partner is the only person on the planet that even half way likes them, the physical abuse starts.  By then the victim has virtually no self esteem and is in a form of deep depression.  Some times they get the resolve to pull themselves out of the situation.  It takes some serious mental health counseling for the victim to realize their own self worth and value.  More often than not, victims of abuse never get the chance.

I’m always interested in a woman’s perspective on this and admittedly don’t get why anyone would willingly stay and suffer the abuse some women do , but aren’t you and MD both stating the same thing in a different way? 

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2 minutes ago, Buckshot Bob said:

I’m always interested in a woman’s perspective on this and admittedly don’t get why anyone would willingly stay and suffer the abuse some women do , but aren’t you and MD both stating the same thing in a different way? 

 

Maybe it's a matter of semantics.  I view "starved for attention" in the narcissistic light as someone who has to be the center of attention from anyone all the time.  In the case of an abuse victim, they don't crave ALL attention, they only want the attention of the abuser because the abuse is the controller's way of "showing love" by paying attention to the victim.   When your mental state gets that low, down looks like up.  It's very twisted and difficult to understand. 

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50 minutes ago, Buckshot Bob said:

I’m always interested in a woman’s perspective on this and admittedly don’t get why anyone would willingly stay and suffer the abuse some women do , but aren’t you and MD both stating the same thing in a different way? 

Not at all. 
 

People stay in unhealthy and abusive relationships for a thousand different reasons.  To paint them all with one brush of “starved for attention” is inaccurate and doesn’t help the situation. 

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Back in 2012 when we were living in the Sunday school room at church my wife and I were sitting in the hall playing cribbage at about 2300.  Heard some yelling from across the street.  Listened for a minute.  You know how you can usually tell if something is just a screaming match or if it is about to get serious?  It sounded as if it was about to get serious.  I wandered over to the fence in the parking lot and looked across the street.  Yep, thumps and bumps along with the yelling. Pulled out my cell phone and called 911.  Had to argue with the 911 to get me to the Sheriff rather than the Santa Rosa Police (the street was outside the city limits so CHP and Sonoma County Sheriff had jurisdiction).   

 

Finally got connected to the Sheriff dispatch.  Gave my name, the address where I was, what I observed - during which time it spilled out onto the porch. The dispatcher asked "Is that them I hear?"  "Yes ma'am, it is.  She just threw him off the porch."  I gave my description, what I was wearing, and of course I will stay on the line until the Deputies arrived.  Also gave what description I could of the people fighting, being dark and a little way off it wasn't but generalities.

We chatted as we waited, and I gave running commentary, as well as my throw away line, "This is more fun than watching Hee-Haw," which broke her up.  When my wife came out to check on me I told the dispatcher that she had joined me, gave her name, description, what she was wearing.   She stayed out for about 5 minutes then went back inside, which I told the dispatch.  

After about 25 minutes two Deputies rolled up and both parked near where I was standing.  One commented that he knew the people through various official visits and went across the street while the other took my statement.   Told me that I done good with staying back, giving descriptions of myself, the people, location, etc.
image.thumb.png.f9b416498248c9cefd21d508153fecc5.png

 

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14 hours ago, Matthew Duncan said:

It's sad that some women are staved for attention so much that they are willing to take a beating to get it.

 

 

13 hours ago, Calamity Kris said:

 

I disagree with that.  Having been a victim of an abusive marriage it's a lot deeper than that.  After a long period of mental abuse, where the person is left feeling like a bad relationship is better than no relationship, or that the abusive partner is the only person on the planet that even half way likes them, the physical abuse starts.  By then the victim has virtually no self esteem and is in a form of deep depression.  Some times they get the resolve to pull themselves out of the situation.  It takes some serious mental health counseling for the victim to realize their own self worth and value.  More often than not, victims of abuse never get the chance.

 

12 hours ago, Buckshot Bob said:

I’m always interested in a woman’s perspective on this and admittedly don’t get why anyone would willingly stay and suffer the abuse some women do , but aren’t you and MD both stating the same thing in a different way? 

 

I'm far from an expert, but as an assistant prosecutor working for children services and also working the "crimes against women" docket, meaning primarily domestic violence. I learned that it is seldom a need for attention on the part of women. For starters, it is often a cycle. Often women are abused because they grew up in abusive households, and often men are abusers for the same reason. It is what they know as normal. Beyond that, once in an abusive relationship, abusers tend to isolate and mentally break down the victim, leading to depression, fear, and feelings of worthlessness, where they see no real escape. By escape, I mean either they fear trying to escape, for what that might mean if they are found, they have no resources to allow them to get away, or they believe their abuser that they have no chance if they leave him. This is often magnified when children are involved, because the victim fears for the safety of her children, or believes the abuser will keep them from her. Of course, this doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the psychological aspects of domestic violence and abusive relationships.

 

During one custody trial, I had an expert from a local women's shelter on the witness stand, and she cited national statistics that indicate that on average, once a woman decides she wants to get out of an abusive relationship, it takes seven attempts before she breaks the cycle, not counting death. I was shocked and asked if I heard her correctly. Once questioning was done, the judge took the unusual step for him of asking additional questions, and asked where the statistics came from. I forget where, but she did provide the source.

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11 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Back in 2012 when we were living in the Sunday school room at church my wife and I were sitting in the hall playing cribbage at about 2300.  Heard some yelling from across the street.  Listened for a minute.  You know how you can usually tell if something is just a screaming match or if it is about to get serious?  It sounded as if it was about to get serious.  I wandered over to the fence in the parking lot and looked across the street.  Yep, thumps and bumps along with the yelling. Pulled out my cell phone and called 911.  Had to argue with the 911 to get me to the Sheriff rather than the Santa Rosa Police (the street was outside the city limits so CHP and Sonoma County Sheriff had jurisdiction).   

 

Finally got connected to the Sheriff dispatch.  Gave my name, the address where I was, what I observed - during which time it spilled out onto the porch. The dispatcher asked "Is that them I hear?"  "Yes ma'am, it is.  She just threw him off the porch."  I gave my description, what I was wearing, and of course I will stay on the line until the Deputies arrived.  Also gave what description I could of the people fighting, being dark and a little way off it wasn't but generalities.

We chatted as we waited, and I gave running commentary, as well as my throw away line, "This is more fun than watching Hee-Haw," which broke her up.  When my wife came out to check on me I told the dispatcher that she had joined me, gave her name, description, what she was wearing.   She stayed out for about 5 minutes then went back inside, which I told the dispatch.  

After about 25 minutes two Deputies rolled up and both parked near where I was standing.  One commented that he knew the people through various official visits and went across the street while the other took my statement.   Told me that I done good with staying back, giving descriptions of myself, the people, location, etc.
image.thumb.png.f9b416498248c9cefd21d508153fecc5.png

 

Dang, took the law 25 min??? I  guess that's another advantage of living in our little town of 4000 or so. It doesn't take the law long to get here!

JHC

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4 minutes ago, Capt. James H. Callahan said:

Dang, took the law 25 min??? I  guess that's another advantage of living in our little town of 4000 or so. It doesn't take the law long to get here!

JHC

 

Maybe it was only 20 minutes.  Dispatcher told me it would be a while because of something happening in NW Santa Rosa.  Armed robbery at a convenience store or something.

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CAPT,

whatever you decide to do, don't pre-advertise........ and don't post brag.

 

Both can get you in trouble.    If somebody else puts a ball peen hammer upside his skull, you'll get

blamed for it if everybody heard you talking about doing it..... ;)

 

If you put a shovel to his skull and he don't know its coming, then nobody else needs to know about it either..... :D

 

..........Widder

 

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Always hated those calls.

 

Especially with kids present.

 

Worst ones were in remote areas, and you are the closest car. Upon arrival dispatch tells you your backup is 20 miles out.

 

Don't miss that at all.

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8 hours ago, Widder, SASS #59054 said:

CAPT,

whatever you decide to do, don't pre-advertise........ and don't post brag.

 

Both can get you in trouble.    If somebody else puts a ball peen hammer upside his skull, you'll get

blamed for it if everybody heard you talking about doing it..... ;)

 

If you put a shovel to his skull and he don't know its coming, then nobody else needs to know about it either..... :D

 

..........Widder

 

I hope I don't have to deal with either. I hope to keep on minding my own business. Unless the caca gets REALLY deep we'll call the law.  Intervening is definitely last resort.

JHC

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TEST:
 

Acquire the following:

2 rolls of good Duct Tape, not that Duck Tape sh**!

Get a rug. 10 x 10 should do.

Get a few bags of potatoes. The total weight should approximate the weight of a certain human. 200# = 4 - 50# bags of taters. 
 

Test:

Lay the rug out flat. 
Lay all the bags of potatoes centered in the rug approximating the length and width of the human subject. 
Roll the rug with the potatoes inside. 
Fold the ends over at the top and bottom. 
Now wrap duct tape around the rug to hold the ends down and tape the full length Of the bundle. 
Kick back for 10 or 15 minutes with a cold beverage. 
 

Now, pick the rug bundle up and carry it to your conveyance and load the bundle into your vehicle. 
Drive to a pre-planned dumping area and off load the bundle. 
 

If at any point during this process you cannot complete the task or you need the help of someone else then you should come up with another plan for disposal. 
 

I know! Fishing is a nice pastime. Take the person fishing...I think you can figure out the rest. 

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