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Cyrus Cassidy #45437

Reminiscing about stupid people...

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The title sounds weird, and I've been retired from law enforcement for 3 1/2 years.  Perhaps it's being cooped up inside and working from home everyday that has caused me to reminisce, but one of the biggest things about the job I didn't expect as a rookie was the number of unbelievably stupid people I was going to encounter.  Don't get me wrong -- I'm not talking about uneducated -- I'm talking about bona fide STUPID!!  Yes, I'm what most people would consider educated, but I don't for one second mistake that for intelligence.  I've known plenty of morons with Ph.Ds and plenty of highly intelligent people with nothing beyond high school or trade school (my own father is one of the latter).  So, I'm not talking about uneducated.  I'm talking about STUPID!!!

 

So there I was...

 

...I spent a lot of time in the Emergency Room when I was on the job.  Think about it.  Where do you go when you've been in a car accident, been assaulted, or raped?  The emergency room.  If arrested for DUI in Colorado, in many cases there will be a blood test, and it's conducted by a phlebotomist at the emergency room.  Cops are involved in all of the above, which explains why cops and nurses always end up married -- they work weird shifts and find it impossible to socialize outside those circles, have warped senses of humor, etc.  They're like two peas in a pod.  

 

Anyway, I was walking around the ER one night when an old lady came barreling down the hall, mean, pi$$ed off, cursing at everyone, and being downright nasty.  She was holding a cane like a rifle at "port arms" rather than walking with it normally.  Whenever she encountered someone in her way, she shifted that cane around like a cattle prod and poked the person in the ribs, cursing and demanding they let her through.  She wasn't making gentle suggestions, either.  She was poking them HARD.  

 

Of course I had to do something, but the conversation was more difficult than asking a three year-old to articulate the finer points of the Clausewitzian Trinity.  I could tell that, despite having reached a ripe old age, the old woman was not only a generally nasty person, but one of the stupidest people I ever had the displeasure of dealing with.  After several minutes of boiling down my thoughts to monosyllabic words and three-word sentences so she could understand, I gathered that she thought that was the PROPER way to use a cane.  She actually believe she had a RIGHT to hit people and push them out of the way, simply because she had undergone a knee surgery.  

 

Me:  "Ma'am, that cane is to help steady you while you walk.  You cannot hurt people with it."

 

Her:  "What do you mean?"

 

Me:  "Stop poking people with your cane."

 

Her:  "BUT THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR!!!!!"

 

Me:  "Ma'am, again, no it's not.  You cannot hurt people to get them out of your way."  

 

Her:  "THEN WHY DID THEY GIVE IT TO ME?!?!?!?"

 

*nurse walking past, rolling her eyes*

Me:  "Nurse, would you be kind enough to show Mrs. [imbecile] how to use a cane?"

 

Nurse:  *takes cane, walks correctly, says something about carrying in the hand opposite the knee surgery*

 

Her:  *blank stare, blinking eyes*

 

Me:  *My goodness.  Does she understand?  I don't even know if she understands.  Stares back at Mrs. [imbecile] to look for signs of comprehension*  After several minutes, "Ma'am, is there anything else I can help you with tonight?"

 

Her:  "No.  No I don't think so."  *Walks off, trying to use the cane normally but still not quite getting it*

 

 

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I have all three of our Covid-19 training events at work.  We build truck bodies and have a wide range of levels of knowledge/intelligence.  During the event where we passed out the letters of essential business to employees, personalized with their names, one shop guy asked if this letter gave him permission to drive since his driver's license was still revoked.  All that I could think of is 'here's your sign.'

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:ph34r:  I'm certain health care and law enforcement encounter more stupidity than the average person, but we who are in specialty retail get plenty of exposure, too.

 

Examples:  Flat finish spray paint in military colors with camo pattern on label.

                     Customer:  "Gee, how do they get it to come out in that pattern.....?"  :wacko:

                   

                      Inquiry:  "Do you sell gas masks?"

                                 Me:  "Sold out and on back order.  I'll get some 'costume use only' items soon, but the really good ones with fresh filters may take a while.  I can take

                                        your number and call when they are available."

 

                      Inquirer:  "No, we need it now.  My wife's flying to Spokane tomorrow (from So. Cal.) and I wanted to get her a gas mask to wear on the airplane to keep her from getting sick."  :blink:

 

There are many, many more.  I told my wife I should collect them and write a book......  The Reluctant Retailer.

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and they breed too. Yikes!!! Just sayin'

 

Big Jake 1001

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34 minutes ago, Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 said:

They walk among us.

 .... and when they are old enough, they can vote ......

 

:o

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And, unfortunately... they vote.

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1 minute ago, Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 said:

 .... and when they are old enough, they can vote ......

 

:o

 

Just now, Wild Will Bartell said:

And, unfortunately... they vote.

 

Hopefully, they will forget!:unsure:

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Sorry Jack-you beat me to the punch.

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1 minute ago, Wild Will Bartell said:

Sorry Jack-you beat me to the punch.

 .......... it's a gift .......

;)

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Too many to count.  Between retail, factory work, food service, the Army and Marine Corps, aerospace, financial services, just every job I ever had there a simply too many to count. My Dad was a college professor and had a term for many people with degrees of all sorts: "He / she is educated beyond his / her intelligence."

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My Grandfather was a carpenter. He left home at 12 and learned the trade through the apprentice system.  He could figure out any mechanical problem he ever ran across. He always referred to people with more formal education who could figure out how to get out of a paper bag as “educated fools.”

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Cactus Jack Calder said:

My Grandfather was a carpenter. He left home at 12 and learned the trade through the apprentice system.  He could figure out any mechanical problem he ever ran across. He always referred to people with more formal education who could figure out how to get out of a paper bag as “educated fools.”

I always love stories like these.  I’m a blue collar boy who finds himself in academia, so I know people with varying levels of education.  Some of the smartest people I know are blue collar high school graduates.  One of my former colleagues had two masters degrees and was fluent in both Russian and Arabic.  But I had to teach him how to use a chainsaw.  And by teach, I mean, “No, the chain oil goes in there.  The fuel oil goes in here.”

Edited by Cyrus Cassidy #45437
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You can educate the ignorant, but you can't fix stupid.

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6 minutes ago, Badlands Bob #61228 said:

You can educate the ignorant, but you can't fix stupid.

 

But you CAN give it a court date!

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Yes you can.  I spent 35 years, 3 weeks and 2 days passing out court dates.  If I never have to go to court again, it will be too soon.  I don't have anything else pending so as long as nobody pulls me in for a similar act, I should be done.

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48 minutes ago, Cyrus Cassidy #45437 said:

I always love stories like these.  I’m a blue collar boy who finds himself in academia, so I know people with varying levels of education.  Some of the smartest people I know are blue collar high school graduates.  One of my former colleagues had two masters degrees and was fluent in both Russian and Arabic.  But I had to teach him how to use a chainsaw.  And by teach, I mean, “No, the chain oil goes in there.  The fuel oil goes in here.”

And, the chain is on backwards. I repaired the chainsaw for the same guy.

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:ph34r:  Growing up in Western Washington we lived next door to the county agricultural extension agent.  My dad was a machinist at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard/Bremerton.  He had apprenticed back in E. St. Louis at Key Boiler Works, but when the depression hit hard, his buddy said, "I got kin out in Montana.  We can be farm hands.  At least we'll eat."

So he farmed for 9 years, met mom and when the war drums began beating, answered an ad for machinists for the Navy.

 

I recall we were looked down upon because dad had no college degree.  He went to night school to update math and machining skills.  He could do everything from turn propeller shafts for aircraft carriers and balance the propellers to make bearings for small gyros.  And our lawn always looked better than the one next door.....

 

Crowning event, which gave him great satisfaction, was when our neighbor got the first power lawn mower in the neighborhood.  But he couldn't assemble it, or make it run.  Came over for help....

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6 hours ago, Cyrus Cassidy #45437 said:

which explains why cops and nurses always end up married -

that's my parents you're talking about.  And I'm looking forward to hitting stupid people with my cane.  I just wish I had Dad's billy club.

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I work in the mental health industry. Degrees in psychology must be easy to aquire.

 

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4 hours ago, Wild Will Bartell said:

And, unfortunately... they vote.

 

4 hours ago, Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L said:

 

 

Hopefully, they will forget!:unsure:

 

Doesn't matter.  In this state someone will do it for 'em.  :(

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I was asked to sharpen a lawnmower blade, it was new but wasn't cutting the grass very well. Yeah, it was on backward. College grad teaching high school. 

 

Possibly the same teacher asked the math teacher what 1/10 of an hour was. Math teacher looked confused, said 6 minutes and waited for the punch line. Turned out to be the teachers credentials were the punchline.

 

Never was able to confidently put "professional" in front of educator for my 19 years in that field.

 

Doc Nelson

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1 hour ago, Assassin said:

I work in the mental health industry. Degrees in psychology must be easy to aquire.

 

Don't even get me started on that particular field.  

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Once I called a hardware store to get directions.  Got the directions and asked "Is the store on the north or south side of the street?"  The lady who had given me the directions said "It depends on which way are coming"

 

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One of our clubs has a small long-range shooting hut looking out toward the 400, 500 yard targets, etc. A guy shows up and wants to shoot 100 yards. There aren't any targets/markers/butts at 100 yards, so he takes his target stand out of his truck, steps off 100 paces, comes back to the shack, picks up his rangefinder, and lases it. Then he walks out to his target and moves it ten feet or so, walks back to the shack and lases it again. Sets the rangefinder down, walks out to his target again, moves it a foot or two, walks back to the shack, and lases it a third time. "Good enough", he says.

 

Somebody is probably scratching their head and wondering, "What's wrong with that?"

Ya take the rangefinder downrange with ya the first time, and lase the shack. Trust me, it's the same distance both ways.

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Never confuse intelligence with education.

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I have worked around a bunch of people who had a PHD.  They think that they know everything about anything.

I am impressed when one knows anything about his field of study.

 

Duffield 

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PHD, piled high and deep. 

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I once had the opportunity to watch a young man testify in his own defense over a reckless driving ticket.  The allegation was he pulled out in front of a Drivers Ed car fishtailing and almost striking the Drivers Ed car.  He admitted to fishtailing his car, but testified that the Drivers Ed car was 100 yards away when he pulled out.  The Judge asked him to be a bit more specific, could he say how far away he was in feet, when he pulled out.  The young man stated he could not give a distance in feet, but repeated he was 100 yards away.  Again, the judge asked him to be more specific.  Again came the reply 100 yards.  The Judge becoming a bit exasperated then asked the young man how he knew it was 100 yards.  The reply "I played football in High school."  The Judge asked him if he had graduated from that high school.  "of course" came the reply.  The Judge then asked the young man, being a high school graduate and all if he knew how many feet were in a yard.  Nodding his head, the young man stated he didn't think he' been taught that in high school.  Finally, the Judge asked the young man what his occupation was.  The reply:  "I'm a carpenter."  Guilty, with a recommendation to attendees in court to not have the young man do any carpentry work from him.

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My boss stuck me with a "helper" for about a month who was indeed stupid. Took a whole 1/2 hour to figure that one out. He supposedly had two years in the electrical field, yeah right. Anyway, I gave him a demonstration on how to use a Tapcon fastening system, took about 15 minutes for him to try it and (supposedly) get it. I then took him to another building on the job where I had bent and installed electrical conduit stub ups on various wall....gave him a hammer drill, box of Tapcons, the Tapcon tool, a level and a bunch of 1 - hole straps. Told him to level and strap the pipe to the concrete block wall. I went back over to the other building to work aggravation free (so I thought) for an hour or so. Hammer drills are loud, so I can hear him drilling...for an hour....then another hour....then I start to wonder....hmm. I go back over to the other building but as I'm walking to the other building, he comes out of the building holding the box that the Tapcons came in and says......"These don't go in like they did for you". He then shows me a box of 100 MELTED Tapcons.

Instant 200 over 150 blood pressure. Made him go sit in the truck for the rest of the day. Never worked with him again.

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3 hours ago, Null N. Void said:

Never confuse intelligence with education.

I don't think you bothered to read my original post...

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I read your post.  I was referring to some of the other comments

2 minutes ago, Cyrus Cassidy #45437 said:

I don't think you bothered to read my original post...

 

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I used to work in a Motorcycle repair shop. Guy rolls in his tire and wheel 'cause it has a flat. I fix it, and when I tried to put air in it he stopped me. Said he read the tire pressure specs on the side of the tire, and if I put another 40 lbs of air in it it will weigh too much for him to roll it home again. And he was serious. So I told him I had put in enough to pop the tire bead, and then filled it up. He took the wheel, test rolled it, and said "this seems OK, thanks" and left.

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Posted (edited)

I had a friend from junior high school through college, whom I've often described as being "too smart for his own good." He had the ability to overthink pretty much anything, including life. He was our high school valedictorian and graduated with a double major and a 3.9 from college.

 

He once rebuilt the engine in his car with a book from the library and a little supervision from the father of another friend of ours. However, on another car, he pulled up to my house one day because the car was knocking loudly. He said when it did that, it usually meant to add oil, but when he did, nothing happened. I checked the dipstick and it was overfull, but black as could be. I asked him when the last time he changed the oil was. He gave me a blank stare. I knew after the car he rebuilt the engine on had been wrecked, he got the one he was driving from his step-brother. I asked if he knew when the last time his step-brother had changed the oil. Another blank stare. I grabbed a tub for oil and pulled the drain plug. It came out in globs. I have never seen anything like it before or since. On the advice of an old shade tree mechanic I knew, I had him get seven quarts of oil, two filters, and two gallons of kerosene. We ran a gallon of kerosene and a quart of oil through the engine for a few minutes on a new filter, drained it (more globs came out), then did it again, and it came out looking like oil and kerosene. Then changed the filter and put in oil. He drove that car for several years after that, although he did have other issues...

 

Such as... another time, on the same car, I was at my fraternity and he called from his job saying his car wouldn't start. I drove up to where he worked, and had him try it. It sounded like it wanted to start, but wouldn't. I started going through the basics. Air, fuel, spark. I pulled the air cleaner to see if the carb was getting fuel and looked at the air cleaner. On a hunch, I had him try starting it. It fired right up. The air cleaner was completely clogged. Again, the only time I've ever seen something like that.

 

I won't begin to get into the stupidity I've dealt with in the law.

Edited by DocWard
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12 hours ago, Subdeacon Joe said:

Once I called a hardware store to get directions.  Got the directions and asked "Is the store on the north or south side of the street?"  The lady who had given me the directions said "It depends on which way are coming"

 

 

Well if it is located between two one way streets that could be true. ;)

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