Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 The Cops! Back in about '71 a couple of my colleagues and I set out to commit an illegal act. It was Christmastime. As usual, we were too broke to buy a Christmas tree for the Kappa Phi Delta frat house. Needless to say, we were all pretty bummed by that state of being. So one evening kinda late, a few of us were sitting about lamenting, when someone (ME, perhaps?) came up with a brilliant idea. "Well, why don't we just go cut one down? That's what we'd do when we were kids!" Oh, a most capital idea indeed! Of course, we were soon faced with the realization that when we were kids we'd cut down trees in the forest or on a farm... but here we were in the middle of San Francisco. Okay. A minor issue... but surely we could overcome this one small obstacle. Then “someone” had another idea!! "Hey! There's LOTS of trees along the east side of Lake Merced Boulevard, north of Brotherhood Way - part of the ‘Green Belt’ bordering Leona Helmsely's Parkmerced housing complex. I’ll bet we could find a suitable shrub there... and it would NEVER be missed!" Needless to say, this suggestion was immediately accepted, a plan developed and put into action. Well after midnight - we very much understood the value of a late hour when doing something sneaky - three or four of us set out. Well… okay. Four. Myself, Ray, Half-Breed Pete, and Bill "Whynuts" Wyant, as I recall. We performed a cursory scouting expedition throughout the neighborhood, and found a discreet place to park the MacMobile, Pete’s ’38 Chevy. With its natural patina of faded original two-tone green paint laced with rust and other oxides, it was well camouflaged when placed against a backdrop of shrubbery. About two thirty in the morning found us stooping and crawling about through the bushes, armed with a dull saw and a couple of dim flashlights. We performed a thorough search, and eventually found the perfect Christmas tree. As stealthily as possible, we made short work out of sawing it off right at ground level. When it fell, we became very quiet, just to make sure we were still undetected. Ten minutes later and feeling reassured, we gathered up our tools and started to drag the tree toward a previously selected spot where we could pick it up and lash to the top of Pete's Chevy. Suddenly, Ray said "Hey! What's that!" and pointed south. In the distance we could see red lights flashing. Soon, we could hear a siren. What the heck...! Sure 'nuff, the police car turned onto Lake Merced Boulevard, racing north - and right toward us! When about a quarter mile from us, the car screeched to a halt, then the driver did a couple of "donuts," sweeping the trees and bushes with his high beams and spotlights. He stopped for a moment, then stomped on the accelerator and proceeded north, closing the distance. OmiGawd! When they drew even to our hiding spot, the car again screeched to a halt... and, with the spotlight dancing and headlights sweeping, he spun a few more "donuts" then stopped - with the lights glaring directly at the bushes we'd just dived behind. We all had dropped to our bellies and did our best to hide. But we knew our gooses were cooked. Busted. About to be hauled in for swiping Leona Helmsely's Christmas Tree. O, Woe was Us! Suddenly, a most remarkable thing happened. Only a few yards from us and with his window open, we realized that the young officer in the passenger seat was laughing uproariously. Real belly laughs, echoed by the driver. The guy in the "Shotgun" seat snerkled, then yelled "This is GREAT, George! Let's do it some more! Up toward the lake then back down the other side of the road!" and with howls of guffaws they peeled out. Away they went, giving us a chance to slink off, tree in tow. Hey... Cops gotta have fun too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Steak Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 It makes you wonder if those two cops had McLovin in the back seat of their car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rye Miles #13621 Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Great story!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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