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Things Mama used to say


Alpo

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These are things Mama used to say, that I don't recall ever hearing anyone else say.

 

When everything had gone wrong - Hell's bells. A nice mild rhyming curse like that - it seems like it would be very popular. Never heard anyone else say it.

 

When frustrated, especially when the children have done something really really stupid - Christ on a crutch. Now, that one is a little blasphemous, but still (especially in this day and age) fairly mild. And again, never heard anyone else say it.

 

When one of the kids would be crying for no discernible reason - What is your major malfunction? I've adopted that one. Said it to my children. Said it to my grandchildren. Just now said it to the dog, which is what prompted this post.

 

Any of y'all know anyone that uses any of them?

 

What strange thing did your mama or daddy say, that you ain't heard nowhere else?

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"Whatever you do, don't pay no never mind to that Alpo character!"  

 

Did seem strange at the time. :blink::D

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Mama never cursed no matter how angry she got and she could get mad.  Worst I ever heard her say was, "wait until your father gets home".  You knew you were in it deep then.  Hell Bells?  Used in these parts pretty regularly.  Seems to be more of a good ol' boy lexicon.

 

What is your major malfunction maggot?  I think that was a line from Full Metal Jacket by Ermey (RIP).  It works.

 

Me?  I use abbreviations and language translations.  DF is a favorite.  DB, dumb bee ach.  Richard Kopf.  No offense intended to any actual Richard Kopfs.  Dick is a nickname for Richard.  Kopf is German for head.  You figure it out.  I find that I have become quite proficient at using bad English, German, Finnish and some Spanish to put forward a stream of invectives when needed.

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"Christ on a crutch" was one of my moms favories.

 

As was "you're just funnier than a rubber crutch".

 

In the movie "Zodiac", Robert Downey Jr. combines the two at one point, and exclaims "Jesus H. Christ on rubber crutches".  Always makes me think of my mom.

 

One phrase she used to use that I've never heard elsewhere...when things went wrong she would exclaim "Oh fiddley foot!".  

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My Mom used “Hells bells” when really exasperated. 

She used other terms, like; fiddlesticks in place of another “F” word. “Holy Cow”. “Well hell” when trying to figure something out. She had a West Virginia accent so all her little quips had a certain twang to them. The “twang” often indicated her mood more than the words she said. 

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When looking for (and not seeing) an object close to me.

My Mother would often say:

 “If it was any closer it could have bit you”.

 

My Wife’s Uncle used to exclaim “Geo Krieppers” and “Gosh Ang”. He did want to be accused of using bad language in public. I may have been known to use all of those expressions myself once in a while. Often we are what we learn. ;)

 

 

Chickens Teeth, I forgot, my Dad used to say, Chickens Teeth to express disbelief in a statement made by others.

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I'll give you something to cry about.  Won't cost you a thing to be nice.  Pretty is as pretty does.  Don't call me from jail (this one came later).

 

And I love Baby Girl's response to a temper tantrum:  Is it working?

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"I'll give you something to cry about."

"Hell's bells."

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone."

 

What time is it? "Half-past kissin' time, time to kiss again."

"I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail."

 

After a great Sunday or holiday dinner: "I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight?"

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Mama said: 

 

"Jesus , Mary and Joseph"

"Jeepers Cripes"

"Christ on a cracker"

Same as Red Gauntlet, after a great meal or during vacation "I wonder what the poor people are doing?"

"It's as easy to love a rich girl as a poor one."

 

And, when referencing me, after a particularly curious lack of judgement "Long on brain power, short on common sense" 

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One my Granny used to say when I would offer unsolicited advice, "who's milkin this mouse, me or you?".  She also used to tell me, "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are".  I sure have missed her!!!!

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Mom was very sweet, reserved, consciously patient and forgiving.  When upset, her word of choice was the "s" word for fecal material.  If really upset she would say it with capital letters.  You could tell the difference.

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My Mom said "Use it up, wear it our, make it do or do without."

 

Still good advice.  I never heard my Mom use any sort of bad language.  The only time I even recall her saying something unkind was "I don't believe I like that man very much."

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Heard most of those one time or another. Mom wasn't one to cuss or use colorful language. She always said the day we heard her say a cuss word we could say it too. Took about 30 years but at a family gathering she was cooking and something burned and we heard her say Shit! Then she said well I said it once so you can say it once.  

 

Now dad was another story. We had a swear jar and if dad said a "bad" word he had to donate to mom's swear jar. Dad didn't usually swear as a regular matter but when he was working on something around the homestead and things weren't going the way they were supposed to he could let out an ongoing monologue of GDs and Hell and Shit. And come on you SOB. Much like the father in A Christmas Story working on the furnace, that scene made me laugh so hard because that was my dad. 

 

Occassionally us kids (4 boys) would be sitting in the living room and mom would be in the kitchen (she was a full time homemaker in the real sense of the word) and dad would be in his chair and we would see him grin then wink at us and he would say GD woman - were's my supper. Mom would come out of the kitchen usually holding a spoon and with one hand on her hip and waving the spoon for emphasis (she was Italian) she would tell my dad - "Wlliam, you watch your language. Supper will be ready when it's ready. And pay the cuss word jar." Dad would smile and say - "Yes dear. Then take out his coin purse to pay. 

 

Myself I tried to never cuss around my kids (2 daughters) and would use things like Son of a Sailorman or Monkey Farts. My youngest at 10 or so after everyone had seen and laughed at Ralphie saying oh fudge in a Christmas story - said dad what is the real word he said - I told her I wasn't going to tell her - she said well someone at school will tell me - I said that's fine but you won't hear it from me. 

 

Once I was talking to someone (with the kids there) that I didn't really cuss around them when they were growing up. One of my daughters laughed and said yes you did. I said what do you mean, I didn't go around cussing around you kids. She said, well not normally, but when you would be working on something around house (plumbing, electrical, etc...) you would. Made me laugh, I realized that when I was struggling to get something to fit/work/come loose I would unconsiously do the same thing my dad did. 

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I never heard my mother or father utter a cuss word.  Pop did have some zingers, usually with a message attached.  When I thought he was giving me unnecessary advice when I was growing up, he said, "If the older generation didn't pass along its knowledge, we'd still be living in caves."  Even though we had pretty good life spans in his family, he worried about whether I was taking care of myself since I lived alone.   Pop said, "You've got good genes, don't blow it."  His true classic was, "Remember, when Elvis Presley was your age, he was dead." 

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One of my mother's favorite sayings was, "CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM!!!"

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My mother didn't cuss around us kids much, if at all. She evidently used to cuss in the laundry room where Sammy the parakeet lived in his cage. I might say that he had a very "colorful" vocabulary. It got so bad that when my ultra religious grandparents came to visit, Sammy had to stay in his cage, in the laundry room with the door shut.

 

My mother had other sayings...

 

If you had a shudder go down your spine "A possum just walked over your grave".

 

"If everyone jumped of a bridge, are you going to jump of the bridge?"

 

And a whole bunch more that I can't remember right now.

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1 hour ago, Rye Miles #13621 said:

"Close the door, were you born in a barn"???

When my brother grew up he joined the Marine Corps, they sent him to Texas, where he stayed. Got married, had a couple of kids. And when the oldest was five or six, he started shipping them back here every year, so they could spend the summer with Grandma and Grandpa. Not sure whether that was so they would get to know their grandparents (Mama's family lived in California, and Daddy's in Georgia. We seldom saw either of them) or if it was just to get rid of them for the summer. B):P

 

But one day my niece walked out of the kitchen, leaving the light on. Mama snaps at her - GO TURN THAT LIGHT OFF! YOU WORKING FOR GULF POWER?

 

The girl stops and says, "Grandma, Daddy says that all the time. What's gulf power?"

 

I have to admit, that was one of her most popular sayings.

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Not exactly what you  are looking for I think, but my mom had a few.  For example:

 

Things always look darkest just before they go completely black.

 

If you don't feel well, go to bed with a good book or with someone who has read one.

 

You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water.

 

 

 

 

 

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On 9/5/2019 at 12:03 PM, Finagler 6853 Life said:

Worst I ever heard her say was, "wait until your father gets home". 

Those words never came out of my mothers mouth. She would take care of things right then and right there (which meant something was forcibly applied to the posterior of my anatomy).

 

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On 9/5/2019 at 11:03 AM, Finagler 6853 Life said:

Worst I ever heard her say was, "wait until your father gets home"

Daddy was Navy. Might be six or eight months before he got home. :lol: Mama knew where the razor strop was.

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On 9/6/2019 at 7:00 AM, Outrider Outlaw said:

You can lead a horse to drink, but you can't make it water.

 

Or as Dorothy Parker said, when somebody mentioned horticulture: "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

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I’m going to give you something to cry about.

So if he jumped off a cliff would you do it too?

 

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Heard almost all of those, I had not heard "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are" and I like that one.

 

Another one when things were going too slow was it's taking "40 forevers" or "a month of Sundays".

 

My Dad had one better than "I'll give you something to cry for", he said "I'll put a knot on your head so big you'll have to stand on a chair to rub it". Not all of his were bad though, he also said "If it's worth doing it's worth doing right" and "That ain't no hill for a stepper".

 

One final thing, not an odd saying but pretty funny. When I was little bitty my Grandmother would say "Well I declare!", it was a few years before I figured it out and stopped wondering who Ida Claire was.

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1 hour ago, Chicken Rustler, SASS #26680 said:

One final thing, not an odd saying but pretty funny. When I was little bitty my Grandmother would say "Well I declare!", it was a few years before I figured it out and stopped wondering who Ida Claire was.

 

:D

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