Jump to content
SASS Wire Forum

1911 Humor


Subdeacon Joe

Recommended Posts

1 In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, “Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John’s design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.”

 

2 “And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.”

 

3 And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

 

4 Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it, and these profaners didst try and fit more rounds of ammunition into the magazines than the holy number of seven, appointed for the .45.

 

5 And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

 

6 And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

 

7 Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld didst see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and didst buy vast quantities of them.

 

8 And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld didst make these plastic pistols, filled with tiny springs and parts that were easily lost, and they were unamenable to the artisans of the earth so they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

 

9 And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a “dingus” to make them appear safe.

 

10 But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

 

11 And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

 

12 Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the Lord had intended.

 

13 And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

 

Now go ye forth and sin no more.
Amen.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 said:

Black guns waste ammo

 

 

 

Imis

  

But if you have FUN, then the ammo is NOT wasted!!! B)  :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I’ll take a Glock over a 1911 any day. 1911’s are fidget guns. 

 

Yep, you read it right...and nothing you can say, huff or puff will change my mind.

 

1911 = Carbureted

Glock = Fuel Injection

 

If the only Autos available were 1911’s I would stick with reliability. I’d carry a S&W revolver...well, I do that anyway but that’s because they are reliable...like a Glock! :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I’ll take a Glock over a 1911 any day. 1911’s are fidget guns. 

 

Yep, you read it right...and nothing you can say, huff or puff will change my mind.

 

1911 = Carbureted

Glock = Fuel Injection

 

If the only Autos available were 1911’s I would stick with reliability. I’d carry a S&W revolver...well, I do that anyway but that’s because they are reliable...like a Glock! :P

 

 

"To each his own,"  said the lady who was kissing a cow!!!  My ParaOrdinance 13/45 has run thousands and thousands of rounds of every kind of ammo that you can name, including Black Powder hand loads that used a 200 gr soft lead RNFP bullet!!  Even counting times when others have have fired it, it has NEVER failed to function, never failed to cycle, and has never broken!!  It has been reliable from day one!!  My brother has a 14/45 that has produced the same results!!  If mine disintegrated into dust tonight, I'd go buy another one.  Matter of fact, I did pick up a new 14/45 stainless a while back!!

 

Got no problem with plastic guns.  I hear that they're great.  I figure a Glock is like a mother-in-law or an elephant!  Nice to look at, but I don't wanna' own one!! :rolleyes: :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I’ll take a Glock over a 1911 any day. 1911’s are fidget guns. 

 

Yep, you read it right...and nothing you can say, huff or puff will change my mind.

 

1911 = Carbureted

Glock = Fuel Injection

 

If the only Autos available were 1911’s I would stick with reliability. I’d carry a S&W revolver...well, I do that anyway but that’s because they are reliable...like a Glock! :P

1911-Owner serviceable, fixable and tuneable-:P

OLG

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 said:

Black guns waste ammo

 

 

 

Imis

Shooters waste ammo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have owned and used both extensively. I have no problem trusting either one to keep me alive.

The Glock vs 1911 argument amuses me. :rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s no argument from me.:D

I can ‘Smith a 1911 with my eyes closed and tune one perfectly. 

 

I choose to no longer do so...

 

 

By the way, that Survival Parts Kit for a Glock...I bought one for my Glocks in 2005. In 2016 when I sold my original Glocks there was one part missing from the parts kit. It was a pin I dropped and couldn’t find so I took one from the kit. I never needed that kit. 

 

In regards to the OP photo - I guess someone  had to hide their 1911 somewhere where a Glock owner would never find it.

 

There, now that’s funny! :lol:

 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Imis Twohofon,SASS # 46646 said:

We like you, Pat. We wonder about you but we like you.

 

 

Imis

 

Wonder?  

What's to wonder?

He's in the Saloon, isn't he?


OH!

You're suggesting he might be (gasp!)  NORMAL!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just ordered four Tripp magazines for my 1911 (total = $156) as my current set of Springfield mags had two failures in a WB match yesterday. Got the jamb from hell two magazines in a row. Decided to use only Tripp's from now on as they always work fine for me. That said, my Glock G22 with its $20 magazines has never had a mag failure and I shoot indoor ASI matches weekly, dropping them on concrete.

 

Bottom line = magazines are the 1911's weakest point.

 

Final comment: Complete Glock disassembly and reassembly is far easier for me than for a 1911.

 

Church Key

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, The Original Lumpy Gritz said:

Easy to explain about Pat.

Every time he falls of his bike-He hits his head.............:lol::P

OLG

I have never hit my head hard enough to do any damage...and I have never fallen of my bike...I have run into things...but I have never fallen off.   :P:D

 

And another thing, I have never hit my head hard enough to do any damage. :wacko::lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, Church Key, SASS # 33713 said:

Bottom line = magazines are the 1911's weakest point.

I agree 100%. I never tried Tripp’s mags though. I am drawing a complete blank on the name of the ones I used to buy...

 

Wilson Combat. Had to go look ‘em up. Sheesh! :blink:

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I have never hit my head hard enough to do any damage...and I have never fallen of my bike...I have run into things...but I have never fallen off.   :P:D

 

And another thing, I have never hit my head hard enough to do any damage. :wacko::lol:

And there's da proof.........:D

3 hours ago, Church Key, SASS # 33713 said:

Just ordered four Tripp magazines for my 1911 (total = $156) as my current set of Springfield mags had two failures in a WB match yesterday. Got the jamb from hell two magazines in a row. Decided to use only Tripp's from now on as they always work fine for me. That said, my Glock G22 with its $20 magazines has never had a mag failure and I shoot indoor ASI matches weekly, dropping them on concrete.

 

Bottom line = magazines are the 1911's weakest point.

 

Final comment: Complete Glock disassembly and reassembly is far easier for me than for a 1911.

 

Church Key

Disagree-You don't need any tools, to totally disassemble a mil-spec 1911. ;)

JMB designed it that way........

 

I have used Wilson mag body's since they came out. Switched the follower out for the Metalform one, and use Wolff springs.

 

OLG

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, The Original Lumpy Gritz said:

And there's da proof.........:D

Disagree-You don't need any tools, to totally disable a mil-spec 1911. ;)

JMB designed it that way........

 

I have used Wilson mag body's since they came out. Switched the follower out for the Metalform one, and use Wolff springs.

 

OLG

"totally disable" ??

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have the perfect solution.

753f1597e8833719140abff7bf5d59e8.thumb.jpg.b0a31eef316552af096cc04ed7e4e68d.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

And as the 1911 grew aged in the years of it's honorable service, 

The Lord spoke to Brother John in a dream and told him:

"Review what thou has wrought, with the 1911, and look to improve it!"

And John did as he was bid by the Lord and behold,

he brought forth the Hi-Power.

And the Lord saw that it was good, and blessed it.

9 mm Browning Hi-Power  008 (2).JPG

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

I’ll take a Glock over a 1911 any day. 1911’s are fidget guns. 

 

 

17 hours ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

It’s no argument from me.:D

I can ‘Smith a 1911 with my eyes closed and tune one perfectly. 

 

 

Don't mean to sound like a jerk here, but maybe the reason your 1911s are fidget guns is because you only THINK you can smith them perfectly.  Do you do the same level of smithing on your glocks? 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
41 minutes ago, Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 said:

And as the 1911 grew aged in the years of it's honorable service, 

The Lord spoke to Brother John in a dream and told him:

"Review what thou has wrought, with the 1911, and look to improve it!"

And John did as he was bid by the Lord and behold,

he brought forth the Hi-Power.

And the Lord saw that it was good, and blessed it.

9 mm Browning Hi-Power  008 (2).JPG

JMB had to build the 1911 to the specs Uncle Sugar gave him to deal with.

One was the user replaceable extractor. JMB wanted to use one like on the HP.

OLG

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Ramblin Gambler said:

 

 

Don't mean to sound like a jerk here, but maybe the reason your 1911s are fidget guns is because you only THINK you can smith them perfectly.  Do you do the same level of smithing on your glocks? 

 

 

Nope. I only learned to work on them because I had to. Mine were Colts. I took an Armorer’s course in the late 80’s and worked on many more but not as a business. Only on friend’s guns. I used to shoot them In competitions and just got sick and tired of every time I had one running great that greatness would only last about 1000 rounds and then an extractor would wear or break, a sear spring would weaken, a sear would wear, a slide stop would break and on and on and on...

 

The only thing I have ever done to Glocks is cleaning and lubrication. Oh, yeah. I replaced a set of sights on one...

 

You all can have your 1911s and Good on ya for it. The only way I will probably ever end up with another one is if I win one, someone gives me one or I decide to shoot Wild Bunch, which I doubt will happen any time soon.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I loved 1911s. I do appreciate them but I do not want to own another one at this time.

 

Let me put it another way, wouldn’t life be boring if all anyone drive were Ford trucks? I have my preferences and you all have yours.

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Pat Riot, SASS #13748 said:

 

Let me put it another way, wouldn’t life be boring if all anyone drive were Ford trucks? I have my preferences and you all have yours.

 

All Fords, now come standard with 'handicap parking' placards.  :lol: 

Just ask Shooting Bull(AKA 'Stumbles')...........:P

OLG

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, The Original Lumpy Gritz said:

 

All Fords, now come standard with 'handicap parking' placards.  :lol: 

Just ask Shooting Bull(AKA 'Stumbles')...........:P

OLG

Yeah, but I had a handicap placard in my Chevy...it wasn’t permanent, thank God. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.