Worthless Pipe Smokers

[Johnny Loco]

A story, not my own

 

 

                                   "Pipe Smokers are Worthless

 

 

Once upon a time an old man named Robert Klein from New Orleans, told me to watch out for pipe smokers because the majority were “worthless, lazy, fakes, and cons”.

 

He went on to say they hide behind the facade of being wise contemplative men, who sit, smoke, and read literature. You can find them from universities as well as a world of rugged outdoorsmen, canoeists, fly fishermen, music & art venues, and ship captains. He claims its a unique way to mask emasculation and laziness whilst almost casting a spell on the weak minded. He said they aren’t dumb but want you to think they are more worldly and intelligent than they actually are. This perception is more important than actual accomplishment. He said they are more obsessed with being center of attention, legends in their own minds, passing on what they consider to be sage advice. He said they start many worthless dead-end endeavors, a failure of a fault not their own.

 

Pipe smokers have been able to hide their defects behind their principal avocation. They have built up a tremendous “lore” which has gone unchallenged. They have, figuratively, hidden behind clouds of smoke. The perception that “I’m not smoking, I’m contemplating and taking it all in”, he said. He said he noticed many pipe smokers seem emasculated by women. He said he thinks the pipe smokers contemplation or relaxation excuse might be “the only damn time these poor fellas get any peace”. He thinks the pipe makes them feel more manly too. He noted the pipe smoker usually had some type of beard or a mustache of of some “different” style. The shaggy beard for the laziest most worthless of pipe smokers, the mustache (especially a pencil type) for the one wanting the refined outdoors professional image, the trimmed beard for the literary intellectual and boat enthusiasts.

 

“The facade is often that pipe smokers are all of a certain temperament, that not just any man can be a pipe smoker …the false perception most of them are solid, steady, rather easy-going people who have more than the average amount of patience.”

Pipe smokers have been typecast in the media and society as wise thinkers, stable, kind, masculine, philosophic, mature, dependable, capable, steady, dependable and deliberate people. “Bullcrap artist”, said he. The old man feels pipe smokers are slow-witted, criminally inclined, snobs, indolent, physically unfit, substance or alcohol abusers, bad-tempered, lazy as hell good fer nuthins!

 

He says the pipe smoker belongs to a breed apart from other men. His perceived pleasures of contemplation and relaxation, unhurried approach, calm, casual, and meditative, are meant to cover his lack of concern, empathy, and sympathy. He also hides his emasculation, laziness, and true dissatisfaction with life behind such.

 

I can't say I disagree with the old fella.  I will say, a few times in life I’ve ran across people who were self aware and could be case studies for physiological professionals.

 

Robert Klein smoked a pipe."

 

[Duffield, SASS #23454]

Your friend is greviously mistaken.  A pipe is a no-pest strip for women and obnoxious amateur phycologists.

 

Duffield

[Johnny Loco]

I'm confused, isn't your assessment negative also? In fact, I might add your post to the whole. (Smiley emoji)

 

Not my friend, just something I found.

[Alpo]

The author is an imbecile

 

And Worthless don't smoke a pipe. She says it would make her bite crooked.

[Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619]

Same with guys who wear bow ties.

[Chickasaw Bill SASS #70001]

well now 

 

  I reckon , I be worthless , until ya need something fixed , about the only time I break out the pipe is when I have to sort out some way to make a unavailable part with out having the proper tools to make it .  

 Add to the girls don't mind the pipe as much as taylor mades 

 

  Chickasaw 

[John Barleycorn, SASS #76982]

I read somewhere that "A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool something to stick in his mouth"

[Doc Shapiro]

Hey, that article certainly doesn't describe me.  And I very much enjoy smoking my pipes.

[Dorado]

I light my pipe up when reading. Keeps ashes out of my book.

 Also keeps me from burning my finger when I grab the wrong part of my cigar.

That article was written by an imbecile. A SJW most likely.

[Dorado]

On a similar topic. Anyone got a recommendation on a decent inexpensive pipe tobacco?

Been using Mac Baren navy flake. Stuffs hard to find and expensive.

[Loophole LaRue, SASS #51438]

I'd be very cautious about uncomplimentary generalizations when it comes to pipe smokers:

 

 

[Johnny Loco]

The article seems to be paraphrasing the imbecile?

 

Something I personally noted on another forum is how a fella told me it was all about the rush of nicotine a pipe smoker gets?

 

I have very little opinion one way or another.

[John Barleycorn, SASS #76982]

Captain Black Royal

[J.D. Daily]

Haven't smoked a pipe since 1978.  Quit when I noticed my front teeth were badly worn.  I had also change employers & occupation which gave me much less time to smoke during work hours.  I started smoking a pipe during my service in the USA.  I found a pipe is a great hand warmer as well as time killer.

[Loophole LaRue, SASS #51438]

46 minutes ago, Dorado said:

On a similar topic. Anyone got a recommendation on a decent inexpensive pipe tobacco?

Been using Mac Baren navy flake. Stuffs hard to find and expensive.

 

You get what you pay for; and your mouth can tell the difference.  The stuff you buy pre-packaged in the grocery store or the corner store is crap.  Unfortunately, most of the better smoke shops are gone.

 

Try this:

 

http://www.bnbtobacco.com/super-value-black-and-gold-pipe-tobacco-12oz-bag/

 

LL

[Irish Pat]

And Gen Claire Chennault smoked a pipe as I have his.  Irish Pat

[Doc Shapiro]

This is my go to: https://www.smokingpipes.com/pipe-tobacco/stokkebye/Luxury-Bullseye-Flake/product_id/21842/bulk/

 

 

[Irish Pat]

Chennault was the commander of the Flying  Tigers.

[Alpo]

3 hours ago, Dorado said:

On a similar topic. Anyone got a recommendation on a decent inexpensive pipe tobacco?

Been using Mac Baren navy flake. Stuffs hard to find and expensive.

Daddy used to smoke Granger. Don't know "price", but it smelled good.

[Tom Bullweed]

My dad smoked a pipe from his early 30s until about 65.  Cherry and Captain Black smoked in white Kaywoodie pipes.  He also read about 50-100 pages a day and taught his sons to be readers, while seving 24 years in the US Army.

Good memories rekindled by a mistaken writer.

[Ben Beam]

Is it possible this is actually satire? I note that it concludes by noting that the author of piece himself smokes a pipe. 

[Alpo]

Dunno. Didn't finish it.

 

Learned a long long time ago that if I start reading something, and the first few lines is bullshit, to stop reading it.

 

It's not going to get any better, and stopping keeps my bloodpressure down.

[Johnny Loco]

3 hours ago, Ben Beam said:

Is it possible this is actually satire? I note that it concludes by noting that the author of piece himself smokes a pipe. 

 

 

Seems like it.

[Big Sage, SASS #49891 Life]

I smoked a pipe for about 25 years, stopped about 25 years ago......and still miss it. I took me a long time to find a blend that tasted as good as it smelled. Most of the sweet, aromatics have a bit to them. I used to deal at a tobacco shop and he mixed up my blend.

[T.J. Bones SASS# 75616]

Reading this reminds me of the old saying. " Never hire a guy that smokes a pipe or one that wears gloves"  The first is always messing around with his pipe, the second is afraid to get his hands dirty.

[Ramblin Gambler]

On 7/24/2017 at 8:13 AM, Ben Beam said:

Is it possible this is actually satire? I note that it concludes by noting that the author of piece himself smokes a pipe. 

 

I was going to ask the same thing.  The quotes were wonky, but it looked like Robert Klein was saying all of that, and at the end we learned RK was a pipe smoker.