Subdeacon Joe Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tennessee Trapper Tom Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Good thing my coffee hasn't finished brewing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Groan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoken D Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Oh how I wish that was true! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 1 hour ago, DocWard said: Groan +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trailrider #896 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 A man was arrested for murder. When his lawyer came to see him, the lawyer said, "I'll see that you get justice." To which the accused replied, "Justice? I don't want justice, I want to get off!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Just to be fair, knowing that there will probably be a plethora of lawyer bashing jokes I did a search on Pro Lawyer Jokes...there weren't any. Seriously...there weren't any. I have only needed the services of a lawyer twice in my life. Once for a real estate transaction in NC - Lawyers do the closings there. The second was for a civil case. I was darned happy I called her and was happy to pay her fees in the end. But there are a lot of funny lawyer jokes out there...just none that were "pro lawyer". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Brules Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 There are a few "good news/bad news lawyer jokes.... :-) :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutch Nichols, SASS #6461 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Ill bite whats the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer? there's some things a prostitute won't due for money! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutch Nichols, SASS #6461 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Here's a neutral lawyer joke why are divorce lawyers so expensive? cause they're worth it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cold Lake Kid, SASS # 51474 Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Feller went to see a lawyer about suing a neighbor. The lawyer told him he couldn't represent him because he had been hired by the other party, but knew another lawyer and would give him a note to take to him, to introduce him. The feller took the note, but was curious about what the note said, so he opened it to read it. It read: "Here's two fools fallen out with one another. You fleece one and I'll fleece the other, And make them agree like brother and brother." First feller showed the second the note and they decided to settle out of court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Bullweed Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 The biggest lawyer joke that I know of is on them. I read a report recently that the number of law schools and people graduating with law degrees has more than doubled in the past twenty years. This aligns with the growth in our local schools. These people are graduating with a degree and a hefty student loan into an industry where lawyers can work into their eighties. The report said that the hire rate for recent grads may be as low as 50-60%. I guess the govmint is going rescue them by making more laws that need more lawyers to defend us from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smoken D Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 So, just how do you tell if a lawyer is lying? When their lips move! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Angus McPherson Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 I've heard that a town that doesn't have enough business to support one lawyer has more business than two lawyers can handle. Angus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocWard Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? One is a blood-sucking demon from the very depths of hell. The other can't go out during the daytime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 A huge percentage of law school graduates never practice law. My daughter is one. But if you want someone to search a complicated title, I will give you her webpage. She told me about one of her searches. She: the title is flawed, they do not own the land. They: can you just sign it off like the last search? She: NO I am proud of her. She passed the bar in three states before deciding not to "practice" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Duncan Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 On April 9, 2017 at 7:33 AM, Tom Bullweed said: The biggest lawyer joke that I know of is on them. I read a report recently that the number of law schools and people graduating with law degrees has more than doubled in the past twenty years. This aligns with the growth in our local schools. These people are graduating with a degree and a hefty student loan into an industry where lawyers can work into their eighties. The report said that the hire rate for recent grads may be as low as 50-60%. I guess the govmint is going rescue them by making more laws that need more lawyers to defend us from. The unemployable 40% to 50% will enter politics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 A gang of robbers broke into a bar association headquarters, expecting the place to be deserted, but instead stumbled into a cocktail party of the membership. Sensing an opportunity for an even larger haul, they started to shake down the assembled lawyers. But the lawyers gave them the fight of their life, and the gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $300 between us." The ringleader screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $500 when we broke in!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 My lawyer's website has a page of jokes. http://www.jk9.com/lawyer_humor.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Riot Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 That's funny Marshal. I found that site when looking for Lawyer Jokes. There are a few good ones on there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MizPete Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 From Grandson #2, at the age of 8: In the road,, a dead snake and a dead lawyer. What's the difference? There are screech marks in front of the snake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 They are now burying lawyers 10 feet deep instead of the standard 6 feet because deep down, they aren't such bad people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 15 minutes ago, Finagler 6853 Life said: They are now burying lawyers 10 feet deep instead of the standard 6 feet because deep down, they aren't such bad people. Hey there I resemble that remark! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 You are one of the lawyers I dislike the least. A left handed way of saying you are alright with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Well you aren't a total asshole yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted April 14, 2017 Author Share Posted April 14, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Brules Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 On April 9, 2017 at 9:36 PM, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said: A huge percentage of law school graduates never practice law. My daughter is one. But if you want someone to search a complicated title, I will give you her webpage. She told me about one of her searches. She: the title is flawed, they do not own the land. They: can you just sign it off like the last search? She: NO I am proud of her. She passed the bar in three states before deciding not to "practice" Please PM to me her website. I have a friend embroiled I a complicated land dispute, where title is confusing. Thanks, Cat Brules Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tennessee Stud Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 On 4/9/2017 at 11:25 PM, DocWard said: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? One is a blood-sucking demon from the very depths of hell. The other can't go out during the daytime. That's a good'un... close to the one I was gonna tell... ~~~~~ What's the difference twixt a lawyer... and a carp? Well... one of 'em is a scum-suckin' bottom-feeder... and the other is a fish. ~~~~~ With all due respect to my petti-foggin', pencil-necked... barrister friends... on this forum... includin' one who has helped me out a couple of times, J. Mark... <-- he's good. ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G W Wade Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Last winter it was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets. GW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finagler 6853 Life Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 What TS said. J Mark is one to ride the river with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Crimes Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 Whats the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? Ones a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the others a fish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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