Cat Brules Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 >>>>. Today's Lesson in American History <<<<< The two most important events in all of history were the 'invention of beer' and the 'invention of the wheel.' Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the 'conservative movement.' Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the 'liberal movement.' Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as 'girlie-men.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons. Modern Liberals like 'light beer' (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: Many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the 'designated hitter' rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the 'wild west' was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. This ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss-off more Liberals. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks! Merry Christmas, One and All..!!! AND, Happy New Year!! 1 Quote
Cyrus Cassidy #45437 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I'm debating whether or not to post this on my facebook feed... Quote
Wolfgang, SASS #53480 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Thanks for the lesson . . . .that wuz great . . . . . Quote
Michigan Slim Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I copied it to a Word document before it gets pulled. Merry Christmas All! Quote
Tyrel Cody Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I copied it to a Word document before it gets pulled. Merry Christmas All! Yep, in before the LOCK Quote
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I bet it don't get locked or pulled because no names or party affiliations were made. Thanks for posting. ..........Widder Quote
TN Mongo, SASS #61450 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Surprisingly, parts of this post are historically correct. Early Sumerian society didn't start to grow grain to make bread, it was to brew beer. European medieval people averaged a gallon of ale a day; water would kill you. If you get a chance, watch the History Channel's "How beer saved the World". Quote
Tennessee Trapper Tom Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Can't wat for lesson #2 Quote
Tennessee Stud Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 I can't drink beer nomore... gluttens... And don't know how to operate a wheel. I'm a retro-luddite. Stoneage even. Today... just glad to be 6-ft up. ts Quote
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 The pig is butchered, the BBQ is warming up and the beer is chillin' Quote
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