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Men. Be Ready


Subdeacon Joe

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Do what ever you want

 

I found out that is not what she meant.

Ooh! Ooh! I know the meaning of that one!

 

"Do what ever you want," translates into either*

 

A.) "I've already trained you well enough by now for you to know the answer yourself."

 

OR

 

B.)"You better already know what to do, so go do it!"

 

*Exact meaning depends on how exasperated she is when she says it.

 

By the way, it's as big a trap as any question about fashion.

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I honestly answered my wife when she asked me if a pair of slacks made her butt look big once...once.

 

It's because of her I learned "diplomacy".

You answered honestly? On purpose? And you were sober when she asked you?

 

Bless your heart.

 

NEVER ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT FASHION. EVER.

 

Everything looks wonderful on her. She wears everything so well. She is the most beautiful woman in the universe, nothing else can compare. Are we done yet? Can we go now?

 

That is my stock answer. Hard to get into trouble calling a woman beautiful. After a while, they think that I either have no taste, don't care, or I'm just not going to change my story and give up.

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You answered honestly? On purpose? And you were sober when she asked you?

 

Bless your heart.

 

NEVER ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT FASHION. EVER.

 

Everything looks wonderful on her. She wears everything so well. She is the most beautiful woman in the universe, nothing else can compare. Are we done yet? Can we go now?

 

That is my stock answer. Hard to get into trouble calling a woman beautiful. After a while, they think that I either have no taste, don't care, or I'm just not going to change my story and give up.

Yes, yes and yes...

 

Now if she asks me I smile and say "looks great, Honey"...there must be something about my eyes though...she knows when I am fibbing ;) Gotta work on that...

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last time that fella I live wit called me beautiful it cost us over $1500 in new glasses.... :wacko:

 

Why, Ms Mary, I'm sure you still look smashing even when you're wearing those glasses...! :)

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You answered honestly? On purpose? And you were sober when she asked you?

 

Bless your heart.

 

NEVER ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT FASHION. EVER.

 

Everything looks wonderful on her. She wears everything so well. She is the most beautiful woman in the universe, nothing else can compare. Are we done yet? Can we go now?

 

That is my stock answer. Hard to get into trouble calling a woman beautiful. After a while, they think that I either have no taste, don't care, or I'm just not going to change my story and give up.

Made me think of something I was told once. I ran into a company man from one of our customers and he looked at my wife then said to me "You did pretty good for yourself." Then he looked back at my wife and said "Now you, you could've done better." :D

 

I have found that I like the bed better than the couch. She always looks great and I sure try to not be a smart-Alec as much as I possibly can.

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Yes, yes and yes...

 

Now if she asks me I smile and say "looks great, Honey"...there must be something about my eyes though...she knows when I am fibbing ;) Gotta work on that...

That's your mistake, don't even bother looking up when you deliver the line.

 

If you look up, she might mistake it for being a real opinion.

 

I don't care if she's wearing a burlap sack or a princess gown, the line is the same and delivered in the same no eye contact, bored, deadpan manner.

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Do these pants make my butt look big?

 

Dear. No clothing could do justice to your figure.

 

 

Honey. Who's the best cook? Me or your mother?

 

You both must have had the same teacher.

 

 

Honey do you love me?

 

I told you 42 years ago when we got engage that I love you. If it ever changes I'll tell you.

 

 

Well I got 2 out of 3 right. Doctor said I should be released by the end of the week....

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One of the best lines I've ever heard was from Congressman Dick Armey during the 'Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky' affair.

 

"If I were in the President's place I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, "How do I reload this damn thing?"

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I know a project my wife has in mind is either A. Gonna be real expensive or B. Gonna cost me some blood, sweat, and swearing, when she says Oh its a piece of cake. As in let's remodel the kitchen it will be a piece of cake. Course I'm a not so handy handyman, last time I worked on the toilet cost 200 for the plumber to fix my fixing the toilet work.

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Tater, mine (now the former Missus Hardpan) once said she wanted a rose garden with a brick patio surrounding a smaller herb garden.

 

This thing took months of weekends of back-breaking work... excavated about eight yards of soil by hand, trenched for plumbing and electricity, shoveled in all the sand to bed the 4,000 bricks, mixed concrete and poured a slab for the fountain in the herb garden.....

 

And she said it took me too long; she'd expected it to be done in two weekends. :huh:

 

Sheesh.

 

5bd10a3d-63b4-4691-a207-8b830e74855e_zps

 

HomeFountain2.jpg

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Hope you got to keep it when she became a former wife! Mine's kinda learned it's cheaper to hire someone. When I redid the kitchen after my 4th trip to get more texture for the walls the guy asked me just how big a house I was texturing. Said just a kitchen he asked how I was mixing it. I said your supposed to mix it with water? Who knew! It turned out ok thick enough to stop most .38 spl rounds.

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