Jump to content
SASS Wire Forum

it gets worse so need to know what to do to prepare


Trigger Mike

Recommended Posts

after she cranked the car to leave me and finally came back she keeps telling me we destroyed our marriage and no one cares and will ask what are we going to do. I always tell her Jesus said we can not divorce except if someone cheats and neither of us are going to do that so we will stick it out until death. Her reply is she does not want to be married out of obligation and that she knows the way out. that she will cheat. when i tell her she does not have it in her and also doe not know where or how to do that she says she might surprise me or she might claim she did and i could not prove she did not. told her she is not a good liar.

 

given that this only escalates and does not alter and no she does not want counseling she says, what steps do I need to take to prepare for a divorce where I can keep the children? Sine she only spends time with the 11 year old and refuses to the other 3 was far as going places and each time she leaves she tells me i can have the children and even at church they all farm out to other people on their own and leave her and she sits there with a sour look on her face as well as when she schooled the children and they did not learn like she wanted she would call them names like "pathetic' and the like, I want to protect the children from her. especially since when I am not right at hand to yell at, she yells at them.

How can I insure I keep the children and protect any assets and our business during this process? the attorney is busy until after easter so I have a while before seeing him. if a divorce becomes unnecessary i can always stop the process but want to be ready just in case.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you say "the attorney," is he the family attorney? If so, there may be a conflict of interest which would mean he can't represent you. Is he the attorney for the business? If so, he may not be your best choice for a divorce attorney. Check locally to find out what divorce attorneys others have used, and their feelings about their results. You may be able to do this through an online search if you wish to maintain some anonymity at this point.

 

Also, and this is important: Keep a journal from this point forward. Document everything, with dates. I don't know Georgia law, but ask the attorney you hire if requesting a Guardian ad Litem is a good idea. You may be responsible for the cost of one, or it may be split between the two of you, depending on jurisdiction. It is the GAL's job to render an opinion to the court as to the best interest of the children. The children may also have the opportunity to speak to the judge in chambers, outside of the presence of the parties and their attorneys as well.

 

Good luck, and you will continue to be in my meditations.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trigger Mike, you are definitely in my prayers. Follow the above advice and hire a very good divorce attorney and document events. Save emails, voice mails, letters, etc. If you can, record some of her rants and threats. Audio/video evidence is very persuasive in court. Basically cover your butt and look for an attorney who can take your case immediately!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll keep ya in my prayers. Rule #1, hire a GOOD attorney. Good legal representation is worth its weight in platinum. Don't ask me how I know this. Document all the behavior you mentioned. Times, dates, places, as much detail as you can. Witnesses, receipts and physical documentation are preferred otherwise its just a 'he-said she-said' deal. Get me? If she wants to move out and leave you the kids, let her. Once she 'moves out' you can change the locks and keep her out. Remember the part about documentation and he-said-she-said. Until there is a court order in place, neither of you has more right to the kids. This MAY also extend to the house even once she moves out but that depends on your local laws and what you can PROVE. Cops, if it goes that way, don't care for the he-said-she-said any more than judges do because there's no sure way of determining what's truth and not. Remember that too.

 

If you have joint accounts you will want to protect yourself there too. Either get your name off them or hers or turn the things off so they can't get charged up if they are credit accounts. (don't ask me how I know this either) Be mindful of abandonment. If she doesn't work and has no means of support, there are going to be other issues there so you shouldn't just leave her hanging out. Get over the fact that you can 'engineer' a way to keep the kids. That is going to be up to the two of you AND mostly, the judge. It can go either way. Learn to deal with the fact that those kids are the most important detail. Period. They are not yours or hers, they are an OURS thing. Takes both of you and take it from one who knows, do not get sucked into letting them get caught in the middle. The kid-tug-of-war benefits no one and HURTS those kids.

 

Remember this most of all. Not one thing you are about to go through is any different than what some of us have dealt with. And survived. The good Lord ain't gonna pile on more than you can handle. Believe that from someone who has been exactly where you are at. HE is there and when you need him, that's your rock, pard. There's gonna be times when you'll look up at Him and say 'really?' Avoid taunts like "that all you got?" bad idea. Also, remember that judges don't like liars, cheats or people who fail their obligations. Divorce is a necessary evil and I didn't believe in it either until I needed it. Sometimes that IS the only answer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Get a good divorce attorney who will advocate for you. A family attorney or business attorney is not what you need at this point.

 

See if you can find one who believes in "collaborative divorces". It sounds like an oxymoron, but mine was worth her weight in gold and helped keep me sane and do good things for my girls.

 

Start documenting everything.

 

When I reached this point with my ex-wife, I went to every joint account of ours and removed half the assets into an account that was mine only. It pi$$ed her off, but it protected me to a degree.

 

As for the kids, remember this: You love those kids more than you hate your ex. She can make your life hell, and the court system gives great credibility to her being a biological mom, regardless of how she might have really mothered them. But they will still want to see her, and keeping as much peace as possible through this process is better than being "right".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Get a good divorce attorney who will advocate for you. A family attorney or business attorney is not what you need at this point.

 

See if you can find one who believes in "collaborative divorces". It sounds like an oxymoron, but mine was worth her weight in gold and helped keep me sane and do good things for my girls.

 

Start documenting everything.

 

When I reached this point with my ex-wife, I went to every joint account of ours and removed half the assets into an account that was mine only. It pi$$ed her off, but it protected me to a degree.

 

As for the kids, remember this: You love those kids more than you hate your ex. She can make your life hell, and the court system gives great credibility to her being a biological mom, regardless of how she might have really mothered them. But they will still want to see her, and keeping as much peace as possible through this process is better than being "right".

 

 

+++1

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.