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Zombies!


Aunt Jen

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"They're coming back!" Heads all around the saloon popped up.

 

"Horse Thieves?"

 

"No!"

 

"Injuns?"

 

"NO! ZOMBIES!"

 

Everyone dropped their cards except Griz, who looked at Noz' cards. :)

 

"That's it!" two if the men exclaimed, and ran out the back door.

 

But the rest checked their guns----when the first zombie came in the back door eating a human thigh like a chicken leg.

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The bartender raised his scattergun, but Jake held out a hand to stop him. "Nuh-uh, I got this one. Save your ammo."


Jake padded around behind the bar, then sidled along the wall until he was behind the munching creature. He drew his Bowie knife and with a mighty slash, lopped the monster's head from its shoulders. The body continued to stand there, holding the thigh like it was still biting off pieces, but the head rolled across the floor and knocked over the spittoon. A week's worth of spit and tobacco juice flowed lazily from the tumbled brass container.


"You're cleaning that up, Jake. You know the rules."


"Uh-huh. Later. I'm..."


The swinging doors crashed open to announce the arrival of another shambling horror. Billy McGee, the gimpy one-eyed blacksmith, had arrived. "Cor blimey, there be zombies out there!"
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The piano started playing happily. The stage shoe started back up. Madeleine Kahn sang something in accented Emglish.

 

Zombies floods through the swinging doors, and all the cowboys and cowgirls pumped 'em full of lead so fast...

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After a few seconds, Sparky Nelson ran into their midst. He grabbed one by the collar and looked in his mouth. "What's this?" he demanded.

 

"Aaaaaaaah!" the zombie answered.

 

"No, you idgit! I mean this?". Sparky reached into the zombies mouth and....

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... pulled out a Calloway golf ball before the astonished zombie could bite his fingers.

 

"Look at this!" Sparky screamed, pushing the zombie to floor and grabbing another golf ball out of his vest's watch pocket.

 

"When a man with a Calloway meets a man with a Titleist, the man with the Calloway will be a dead... well, dead zombie.!"

 

Sparky pulled his pitching wedge out of his possibles bag and with a slight slice to his swing, busted the zombie's head wide open.

 

Just at that moment, Susan, the lovely new schoolmarm staggered in through the saloon's front doors...

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.....and screamed as well as any zombie could, "Aaaaaaaaaaa--aaaaaaaaa--eereeaaaaaaa---aaaaaa?"

 

Sparky turned to stare at her, and it was as if the whole world stopped: the piano music faded, the gnashing and shooting dimmed----

 

Sparky reached for her...

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Sparky reached for her [censored], intent on avenging the D- grade her mother, the infamous schoolmistress Dottie Dee Minor, had given him on a speelling test in second grade. "I was a good speeller!" he whined. "I was just having a bad day! And I was trying to keep Griz from copying my paper!"


Susan didn't hear. She had left her hearing protection at the schoolhouse and the gunfire had left her ears ringing like the church bell at her brother's wedding. She grew a little misty eyed, thinking about how happy her baby brother looked the day he got hitched. Also, the fog created by zombies being blown to vapor by the hail of cowboy bullets made her sniffle just a big.


But before Sparky could pour out his wrath on Susan...

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Snikely Whiplash flew across the room and slammed into Sparky so fast the force knocked the pocket protector out of Sparky's shirt. The two of them wiped across the floor, through two card tables, and against the foot of the stairs before they stopped.

 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh-ghghghghghghgh!" Susan's scream was cut off by the 14 zombies who immediately blew into her—fleeing the hail of cowboy bullets—and all 15 of them crashed back out the swinging doors onto the dirt street.

 

Griz' horse stepped aside to let them pass.

 

Allie Mo's dog gave them a well-deserved snarl.

 

Inside, Sparky and Snidely picked themselves up off the floor, just in time to see the shadow of a GIANT mechanical foot descend over the town, its shadow moving over everything.

 

CRASH !

 

Snideley and Sparky rolled fast to one side—just in time to avoid being crushed, as the foot flattened all the zombies (who were foolishly lying in the street arguing with the dog) and the front part of the saloon.

 

"Yeah!" all the cowboys screamed.

 

The piano player never skipped, as 20 more zombies swarmed into the room from the back, all 20 of them slobbering on themselves as if they'd just been to the dentist.

 

Just then the roof lifted off the saloon.

 

Everyone looked up to see...

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Aaaaaah! It's a giant Rolan Kraps zombie who tore the roof off the saloon!

 

---Bigger, Badder and more Boraceous than any Hundred other zombies put together---and lookie that! He has the sheriff's badge stuck to a piece of flesh wedged Inbetween two of his teeth!

 

"He ate the sheriff!"

 

"Who cares?"

 

"But he owed us all money!"

 

"GET HIM!"

 

All 20 cowboys in the saloon....

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Meanwhile, being an observer of the human race, living and undead. Noz cowered in the corner behind Griz who was still trying to get out of his captains chair.

Noz told him: "If'n you ever get out of that chair then head for the door. I need some cover getting out of here".

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"...."

 

The gargantuan zombie monster raised a mammoth foot over the helpless saloon.

 

Cowboys shot helplessly at his foot overhead.

 

The expression on Griz' face changed to humor.

 

"What us it?" Noz asked.

 

"Noz," Griz laughed, "I'm not really Griz. I'm...."

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"...."

 

The gargantuan zombie monster raised a mammoth foot over the helpless saloon.

 

Cowboys shot helplessly at his foot overhead.

 

The expression on Griz' face changed to humor.

 

"What us it?" Noz asked.

 

"Noz," Griz laughed, "I'm not really Griz. I'm...."

The King of the Mountain Dwarfs!

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