Trigger Mike Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 wife is better this week but it all starts again next week with less dose of chemo since dr feels she can't handle it. meanwhile my marriage needs chemo or something. When we came home from Iraq the first sergeant told us if you had a bad marriage when you left, its worse now. I wonder how good our marriage was before this cancer hit. I'm no longer sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trigger Mike Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 just venting y'all. sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michigan Slim Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Deep breath buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ya Big Tree Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Hang in there. Having a spouse go through an illness it the worst. I can't even imagine what they'er going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruff Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Trigger Mike, Vent here all you like. Never around her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty Chains Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Although it might be tough, the Dr. modifying the treatments may limit that to somewhat. At this point you are anticipating based on experience, better to take it as it comes. I have found anticipating bad things just makes them seem worse. Hang in there Trigger Mike! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie Mo, SASS No. 25217 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 My husband stuck with me through quitting a 17 year smoking habit. I think he exaggerated about how pitiful, grouchy... I was Hang in there! No matter how hard it is for you, I bet it is harder for her. Your situation may be the reason that there are caregivers' support groups. Best wishes for a successful outcome for both of you! Regards, Allie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Many of us understand what you're going through and empathize. I sincerely hope you can come through to the sunshine on the other side of this darkness. Although it is very difficult you must try to keep in mind the physical changes she is going through. I pray you can stay the course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rancocas Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 We are here with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trigger Mike Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 thanks all. never imagined even thinking such a way way back when i met her when I was 6. surely it will be ok in time. i never let her hear such things, though she has expressed them to me many times lately. I just had to let it out for a minute there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Kris Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 thanks all. never imagined even thinking such a way way back when i met her when I was 6. surely it will be ok in time. i never let her hear such things, though she has expressed them to me many times lately. I just had to let it out for a minute there. We hear you. Feel free to lean on our shoulders any tlme you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Original Lumpy Gritz Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Your wife is not in control, at this time, of herownself. That's the meds talk'n. There are support groups for folks deal'n with what YOUR deal'n with-FIND ONE! Stay the course- OLG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Harley, #14153 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 The Saloon is safe. We're here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seldom Seen #16162 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 As someone who has come close to dying in 2011 and again in 2012 I can't tell you the impact it had on me. In fact my Doctor didn't tell me until after my 2012 surgery (heart) how bad of condition I was in. Feel free to PM if you want someone to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trigger Mike Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 thanks Seldom Seen. sorry to hear you are struggling in that way. I can not fully fathom what you or my wife are feeling having to face death but I do know how i learned to cope with that fear while in the army. there is a difference though. I feel for your wife and wish she could bear with you as you discuss it. It is good that you are willing to try. She should be open. I guess my problem here is that she feels less loving and less a woman and has turned it that its me that is less loving toward her. Though no chemo this week her diarrhea comes most days this week. She insisted she go with me to bass pro to sell a gun yesterday on a hour and half trip each way. said she felt fine. we got home and she had some accidents. I cleaned her clothes in the sink for her and hugged her and tried to kiss her after she put on a diaper for the first time to console her, but she refused to kiss me back, lowered her head so i could not kiss her, kept her hands on her hips while i hugged her and then cried with tears that i don't lover he like i used to. complained how can she say that when it is her that is not hugging me back. complained she had been rejecting me for a long while, even before she got sick. the sickness just added to it with her claiming i don't love her. at the same time she cries she wants to live to stay with me and be married to me. i really can not stand it. i was staying content enough before and wrote it off as normal. its getting harder now which is why i doubt we have a good marriage. it is why i doubt we will survive even if she survives the cancer. anti depressants are not the only solution as she is getting agitated over treatments that start again tuesday. At the same time i refuse to leave her unattended and without help. i still love her even today. i don't know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seldom Seen #16162 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Cancer is a tough one. My Mother was only given six months to live the first time she had cancer. She not only beat it two more times but went on to live another 25 years. And this was way before the vast improvements in medicine and drugs. She (and myself)believe it was only though her faith in God she beat cancer as long as she did. Have you tried connecting with any Cancer support groups? Even if she isn't interested it might be of benefit for you. All of the attention is focused on the patient so it is easy to forget about the spouse and family members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trigger Mike Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 we go tomorrow for the chemo i will ask about support groups. I like to post here as she reads my Facebook. she does not read here. she follows me around even in stores to see what i do. at bass pro shops the other day i forgot some ammo and said i'd be right back and as i turned back to head back to where she was supposed to be she was behind a rack of clothes starring at me and had left the children in another department. to see if it was just me being paranoid i did it a second time and sure enough she had followed me and stayed behind some clothes to see what i was doing. she does that with Facebook. she logs on my account and sees what I am saying in private messages. i changed my password once and she flipped her lid so i changed it back so she can read it and just post some things here. i saw her eyes getting dark again tonight and stayed at a house we bought so the kids can go to a better school and she called wanting to know what i was doing. headed home and parked half way down the long driveway and waited and sure enough she got in the car, leaving the kids, to come find me and stopped to question me. i am trying to avoid her when her eyes tell me she is agitated but she hunts me down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trigger Mike Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 well she gets agitated the closer to treatments she gets each time they come up. I told her this morning to stop getting so stressed so she can fight the cancer or she will not get well. Her reply was that my plan was to keep her stressed so she would not get well and die. then waiting for treatments to start at the dr office she lays her head on my shoulder and cries. She gets done with treatment and is passive and cooperative when she gets home and sleeps and my heart ached for her and i tried to help her best i could and a church friend came and cleaned and watched the kids while at the dr and helped me feed her and get her settled down. oddly the same church member she ran off two weeks ago, but she had compassion as has the rest of the church and they still come help us. We both felt bad for her and could not help but help her. her eyes are still a little wild looking but not near as bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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