Jump to content
SASS Wire Forum

look in the eye and what it means


Trigger Mike

Recommended Posts

as you know my wife is taking chemo and is having trouble emotionally. when she is on a tear at me i like to look in her eyes to see what i can read there. usually you can see fire or anger or love etc. under chemo and all when i look I see nothing at all. it is like looking into an abyss. its like no life is there. what does this mean. It is so unfamiliar to me.

 

meanwhile i contacted her dr and told him in detail how she is being except for the dead looking eyes and he wants me to be there at her appt tuesday to go over it.

 

on a happier note, friday I told her i love her and she scoffed and said she doubted it. Saturday she vomitted and i insisted on cleaning it up though she pleaded to let her do it in hopes i could prove i do still love her and afterwards she was smiling and happy and chuckled at Facebook videos and woke up smiling until breakfast when she asked which nausea medicine to take and i told her the one with ativan (an anti depressant) since we are going to church. then mild agitation started back again. Its hard to preach to a congregation with an angry wife in the crowd

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Prayers up for you and for her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do NOT leave out ANY detail of her actions to the Doc.

There should also be support groups to help you to better understand and cope with this-YOU have done NUT'N WRONG!

BTDT-

OLG

 

+1

 

Hopefully, there are some wise and compassionate friends in your congregation that you both can lean on during this trial.

 

Prayers up!

 

Birdgun

 

+1

 

Sage advice from both.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't know the answer, but I do know the fellow who does. Praying that he reveals the answer to you and your wife, gives you both the wisdom you need and her doctors and medical staff execute the right course of action that will lead to her full recovery.

 

Guitar Slinger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pain can do strange things to people. Following is just a small example.

 

I worked with a really grumpy (that is an euphemism for how bad she was) lady. She was in her 40s and unmarried. After she had both of her hips replaced, she had a drastic personality change, became funny/sweet... got married and I hope "lived happily ever after.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My prayers for you two are continuing.

I can tell you from personal experience the toll that pain can take on you and, worse, those around me at the time. I have thanked the good Lord many times for giving my wife the strength to put up with me.

 

Please, find someone close to talk to and confide in. I was blessed with lot's of good friends, but truly blessed with just a few who I can open up to and spill my guts. You have them too, I am sure. Your bride will need to do that.

 

God's speed.

 

Slim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My Bunkhouse Boss was diagnosed with MS over 32 years ago, during our first year of marriage.

 

We've seen our ups and downs, good times and not so good times.

 

During a 2 year period stretch, she had to take chemo as a MS treatment to help slow down its progression.

 

Depression can sometimes run rampant during their daily lives. If I can't be the wall for her, who will be?

 

I'm the wall she has to beat on when nobody else cares (or atleast that's what she thinks) and she thinks she is at war with the world.

 

I'm the wall she bangs her head on when it seems all is lost and future dreams vanish in a heartbeat.

 

I'm the wall she leans on when her emotions allow her to realize the reality of true love.

 

And I'm the wall she hugs AFTER all the big monsters and little gremlins stop running up her backside.

 

You gotta learn to become THAT Wall.

How do you maintain your strength, sanity, integrity and love in being The Wall? I think your Bible will tell you that answer.

 

It would be nice if there was a standard process for all of us to deal with these type situations, but there doesn't seem to be one.

 

There are times she needs to have her space to feel bad and resentful because of her situation.

My wife use to frequently ask the question: "Why Me...what did I do to deserve this"?

 

I would normally reply: "I don't have the answer to that question. But I do know that you have me to help you deal with it".

 

This may not have given you much comfort. But some of these circumstances you and your wife face are those things many of us have dealt with for over 32 years and longer.

 

Its a good thing for you to share this with us. Its a good thing for you to know that in our prayers, you and your wife will be remembered.

 

God Bless,

 

..........Widder

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, and here I thought Widder was just a fast shooter...... Boy how my admiration has elevated for him.

 

Mike, my prayers are with you and your Mrs. May God's healing hand be placed on both of you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thankfully the church I serve is patient and real helpful and gives us food every other day to help the children and help clean the house though she has chased a couple of church members off with the looks she gives and the way she makes them nervous. i do try to be the wall and when she starts arguing I try to take her to a back room away from ear shot of the children and let her go to town as it were, i just wish i could understand some of what these physical sings like the looks in her eyes mean. they give me warning though about what is coming. we'll be fine. I am learning a few tricks to cope but that has its drawbacks as well as she picks up on my shutting down some of my feelings so they don't get hurt and it also bothers her. i do have some i can confide in but she gets upset that i may be talking about her whenever i talk to someone and questions me about it. oh well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Mike,

 

Maybe an antidepressant or antianxiety medication would help. They are different, there are many varieties of each, and if one doesn't help, there may be another that will. Maybe you could talk to the doctor administering her chemo. He/she should be able to help. Sometimes, talk, prayers, and compassion are not enough.

 

Best wishes for a solution.

 

Sincerely,

 

Allie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dr today decided the chemo is making her too sick since she lost 9 pounds this week along with types of sickness she had and length. he decided to cut her I V chemo dose in half and the 6 chemo pills down to 4 per day. he added an antidepressant as well. she was threatening to leave me again this afternoon and i called her bluff on it in a gentle way as in we bought a house in the school district so the kids can go there and she said if it had a bed and tv she would go there, so i said there is a couch there, if you are serious. she calmed down and hour later apologized. has been acting happy since. she then took the new antidepressant and seems calm this evening and easy to be around. maybe there is hope yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.