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"Knockout" Comes to the Pentagon


Subdeacon Joe

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Pentagon Shocked By Wave Of ‘Knockout Game’ Attacks

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Martin Dempsey has

suspended all briefs until further notice and advised senior Pentagon

staff to travel in groups no smaller than six and avoid gangs of surly

company-grade officers.

At first the attacks were dismissed as one of the many daily muggings

that take place in the halls of the military complex, but officials

began to suspect they might be rank-based hate crimes after a security

guard observed a chief warrant officer being chased down an escalator

by four majors carrying bats spiked with nails.

No one quite knows what has led to the attacks. Some analysts have

blamed post-traumatic stress or budget cuts, while others have noted the

time-honored military tradition of violent acts towards strangers.

Whispers in the cafeteria say they even have their own particular

slang, and are commonly called ’star-gazing’ (where the victim is a

general officer) or ‘full bird-watching’.

 

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