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frustrated some things go on


Trigger Mike

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I know that times are hard and it is hard for some people to find a job. I get that. My county has the highest unemployment in the state. I have a relative who has been unemployed since before last Christmas. He kept staying up too late at plays and kept being late for work and so they requested he leave. He still participates in these plays, where you do not get paid and stays up late drinking and playing games. He has a wife and child. today on facebook he posted how he was cross stitching, while listening to music and checking to see who got picked for the latest play and tonight would play video games and libations because he is "still a guy". I finally told him on facebook, after my mother liked his comment (the mother who has been giving him money since he does not work) that he needed to take his resume to local businesses instead and how libations and fun end until you have a job to pay for them. It just drives me batty.

 

just sayin

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I added in my comment to him that a "guy" or a "MAN" has a duty to provide for his family with a job. I can foresee a cold shoulder from my family this Christmas.

 

A similar situation in my family has given me a frozen shoulder on the holidays for years.

 

If your relative isn't careful, his FB posts could keep him from landing a job. Many employers check sites like that to ensure you're not defaming your current employer, family etc.

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I figure that will be fine if he does turn everyone against me. One thing I know from experience that his wife will eventually become intolerant of him not working. If she turns from him to hate me then it will buy him time to get his act together. We don't like each other already anyway. I am thinking of posting the "Four Seasons" video "walk like a man" song on his facebook to add to it. :D

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I cannot tell you the pain video games have caused my son and I. He turned 30 last month, still lives with his mother and failed to launch. I don't think we fully understand the catastrophic effect video games have upon our youth. For me, my son was rasied form the start of the video game revolution. Pac-man, Defender, and pin ball was gone replaced by a world of make believe. It was the baby sitter from hell. Video games don't love, care, nuture or provide the necessary social skills one needs to mature and prosper. The worst thing a parent can do for their child is introduce them to the DRUG video games. They will destroy a young mind. I didn't know..........

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I cannot tell you the pain video games have caused my son and I. He turned 30 last month, still lives with his mother and failed to launch. I don't think we fully understand the catastrophic effect video games have upon our youth. For me, my son was rasied form the start of the video game revolution. Pac-man, Defender, and pin ball was gone replaced by a world of make believe. It was the baby sitter from hell. Video games don't love, care, nuture or provide the necessary social skills one needs to mature and prosper. The worst thing a parent can do for their child is introduce them to the DRUG video games. They will destroy a young mind. I didn't know..........

Hear, Hear!

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All things in moderation, as the saying goes.

 

Actually, in today's world, not having exposure to the digital stuff, even games, puts any developing kid at a significant disadvantage.

 

But it should be monitored and limited!

 

My own son grew up with 'em. Excelled at 'em, even... but he also played baseball, went fishing and hunting, enjoyed Cowboy shooting, made Eagle Scout, and studied. Hard! Did right well in school.

 

Has to be a balance!

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Guest Maker-Wright

Your mother is supporting a "Habitat for Co-Dependency" as I call it.

 

Maybe better to bite your tongue (damn tough, I know), take a real deep breath, and be very thankful for your diligence, it is truly a blessing, and becoming increasingly rare.

 

Folks like him need to be treated like drowning victims... throw them a line from shore (advice/information, if they'll listen) but never jump in the water with them (never argue, or give time/money/property) if you do, they'll take you right down with them.

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My wife has a niece with a 30 years old “husband” who refuses to work. He is on SSI because
he has or claims to have anxiety attacks when he tries to go to work.


They and their two children live in an old mobile home that I used as a hunting camp

before buying a retirement home in the area. I was going to scrap it out since
we didn’t have any need for it anymore when they asked to rent it. We put some
money into it and charge them minimal rent. They have trouble making even the
$200 a month we ask. Since he doesn’t work we offered to take $10 an hour off
the rent for doing minor yard work and outdoor painting, giving them the chance
to live free. They both claim to be too busy even though she only works part
time, five friggen hours a week and there would be no rent. How lazy can you
get? Unfreaking believable if it wasn't for the kids their butts would be out. I offered him a bullet as a cure for his depression lets just say that didn't go over very well with my in laws

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All things in moderation, as the saying goes.

 

Actually, in today's world, not having exposure to the digital stuff puts any developing kid at a significant disadvantage even games.

 

But it should be monitored and limited!

 

My own son grew up with 'em. Excelled at 'em, even... but he also played baseball, went fishing and hunting, enjoyed Cowboy shooting, made Eagle Scout, and studied. Hard! Did right well in school.

 

Has to be a balance!

+1 on the balance and moderation.

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It gets better, now because I told him to be a man and go work he unfriended me and my mom keeps calling me wanting me to be sorry for doing it and said it was not my place to tell him to get a job and he is really trying very hard. How I just drove a wedge between him and I and how I sounded bitter and hateful. How it is ok for him to have a beer with a friend. How he was sewing a present for his wife and I told her she would prefer a job for a present.

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It gets better, now because I told him to be a man and go work he unfriended me and my mom keeps calling me wanting me to be sorry for doing it and said it was not my place to tell him to get a job and he is really trying very hard. How I just drove a wedge between him and I and how I sounded bitter and hateful. How it is ok for him to have a beer with a friend. How he was sewing a present for his wife and I told her she would prefer a job for a present.

 

Stop while you're behind, my friend. Maker-Wright has some sage advice...............

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Guest Maker-Wright

some folks just don't want to hear real solutions I guess. :lol:

 

You can't teach a pig to sing... It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

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It gets better, now because I told him to be a man and go work he unfriended me and my mom keeps calling me wanting me to be sorry for doing it and said it was not my place to tell him to get a job and he is really trying very hard. How I just drove a wedge between him and I and how I sounded bitter and hateful. How it is ok for him to have a beer with a friend. How he was sewing a present for his wife and I told her she would prefer a job for a present.

As a family member you have every right to express your concern and to do your best to mentor, teach, and encourage. Start sending him classifieds that he may be good at....point him in some direction...maybe he needs a leader and it seems you love him enough to care and possibly fill that role somewhat.

 

GG

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As a family member you have every right to express your concern and to do your best to mentor, teach, and encourage. Start sending him classifieds that he may be good at....point him in some direction...maybe he needs a leader and it seems you love him enough to care and possibly fill that role somewhat.

 

GG

I respectfully have to disagree. We tried that path with my son and finally had to save ourselves from going under with him. Everyone else kept on "helping" him until it burned them out.

 

My experience is it's better to back away and let the rest of the family do their thing.

 

BTW, my kid turned out alright. At least he's back on track and working to make something of himself. I'm only sorry it took him 45 years to get to this stage.

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I respectfully have to disagree. We tried that path with my son and finally had to save ourselves from going under with him. Everyone else kept on "helping" him until it burned them out.

 

My experience is it's better to back away and let the rest of the family do their thing.

 

BTW, my kid turned out alright. At least he's back on track and working to make something of himself. I'm only sorry it took him 45 years to get to this stage.

That's fine you disagree... it was my experience and it worked out fine.

 

Nothing is a 100% remedy in this case...some things work something don't. Never hurts to share one's own experience.

 

GG

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I know that times are hard and it is hard for some people to find a job. I get that. My county has the highest unemployment in the state. I have a relative who has been unemployed since before last Christmas. He kept staying up too late at plays and kept being late for work and so they requested he leave. He still participates in these plays, where you do not get paid and stays up late drinking and playing games. He has a wife and child. today on facebook he posted how he was cross stitching, while listening to music and checking to see who got picked for the latest play and tonight would play video games and libations because he is "still a guy". I finally told him on facebook, after my mother liked his comment (the mother who has been giving him money since he does not work) that he needed to take his resume to local businesses instead and how libations and fun end until you have a job to pay for them. It just drives me batty.

 

just sayin

 

TM,sorry but this came to mind:

 

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I respectfully have to disagree. We tried that path with my son and finally had to save ourselves from going under with him. Everyone else kept on "helping" him until it burned them out.

 

My experience is it's better to back away and let the rest of the family do their thing.

 

BTW, my kid turned out alright. At least he's back on track and working to make something of himself. I'm only sorry it took him 45 years to get to this stage.

I'm with ya. Seen it over and over in my family and I figured long ago just let people chart the course they set out on. If they go to jail, let them figure it out. If they're broke, let them figure it out. If they're hungry and homeless let them figure it out. Our household policy is to only extend help to those met with misfortune out of their control but let the consequences play out for those that created their set of circumstances. Money, food, shelter, clothes, none of it ever fixes the underlying problems and usually kids are just used as a ploy for sympathy. Hey, we feel bad cause the family suffers. Bad part is if you help the kids you're still enabling the parents. I'll let the kids over and feed them but not the parents, except on holidays. Few people ask us for help. Folks say I am stingy, but that's not the case.

 

Call me a hard ass but we've dealt with laziness, alcoholics, meth and crack addicts. The only surefire way to fix them was for them to fix themselves. Jail, cold and hunger don't always work either. If those don't not much else will.

So long as sympathy of any kind was extended, it was just time and money wasted.

 

And while we're at it, I find some friends over time I just let'em go. I know some great people that don't have any real serious problems other than being stupid, irresponsible, unreliable or just plain lazy.They can't be fixed. Their baggage ways you down watching them doing the same stupid things over and over. I just don't have much use for grown men that won't work, take care of their kids, finances and other assorted "manly" responsibilities. It's not my place to advise them over and over just to hear them say what a great guy I am for helping them out. After a while its just unnecessary stress and a waste of time and resources.

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I'm with ya. Seen it over and over in my family and I figured long ago just let people chart the course they set out on. If they go to jail, let them figure it out. If they're broke, let them figure it out. If they're hungry and homeless let them figure it out. Our household policy is to only extend help to those met with misfortune out of their control but let the consequences play out for those that created their set of circumstances. Money, food, shelter, clothes, none of it ever fixes the underlying problems and usually kids are just used as a ploy for sympathy. Hey, we feel bad cause the family suffers. Bad part is if you help the kids you're still enabling the parents. I'll let the kids over and feed them but not the parents, except on holidays. Few people ask us for help. Folks say I am stingy, but that's not the case.

 

Call me a hard ass but we've dealt with laziness, alcoholics, meth and crack addicts. The only surefire way to fix them was for them to fix themselves. Jail, cold and hunger don't always work either. If those don't not much else will.

So long as sympathy of any kind was extended, it was just time and money wasted.

 

And while we're at it, I find some friends over time I just let'em go. I know some great people that don't have any real serious problems other than being stupid, irresponsible, unreliable or just plain lazy.They can't be fixed. Their baggage ways you down watching them doing the same stupid things over and over. I just don't have much use for grown men that won't work, take care of their kids, finances and other assorted "manly" responsibilities. It's not my place to advise them over and over just to hear them say what a great guy I am for helping them out. After a while its just unnecessary stress and a waste of time and resources.

Thats too bad..my family is worth the effort. As mentioned...the effort I made worked out in my situation. Glad it was worth the....'sacrifice'. Seen both sides play out in my family and others...but I never gave up and am glad I tried to do what I did. Some may...but I won't give up on my family.

 

Got to at least give it chance...

 

GG

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There is a gal who is daughter of someone associated with the movie Ranch. Has 4 small children . . . by three different fathers . . . does not live with any of the fathers . . . . lives in a dilapidated house with two men, . . . doesn't work . . . none of them work . . . one of the children was here to visit the ranch and was asked if anyone at the house had a job. "Oh no.". Was anyone looking for a job ? "Oh yes. . . . so and so is looking for a job." Putting in applications on line . . . . and has been doing that for three years :excl: ( which keeps his unemployment from being cut off ? My presumption. ) Totally disgusting. :angry:

 

Answers to this state of affairs in our society ?

 

No unemployment . . .

 

No Welfare . . .

 

No one can be employed without PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP !

 

Simple . . . . .

 

Enforcement ? . . . employing without proof of citizenship results in $1,000 pr day fine to the employer for each day of employment of an undocumented worker.

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Junior & senior years in high school I worked 36 hours a week, 6 days a week. Dad gave me a dry place to sleep and one meal a day. Anything beyond that was on my own dime.

 

Married at 19. I paid the $89.03 monthly house mortgage. Learned by trail and error on how to preform the house repairs/remodeling, wiggled thru the crawl space to thaw a frozen water line, shoved snow, built a garage, torn down a small barn.

 

At age 27 our first child was born, wife became a stay a home mom. Ended up with 4 mouths to feed on one income. Collected aluminum cans along the road for extra money.

 

When someone whines "poor me" but is capable of feeding their vice (overweight, drugs, cigarettes, video games, drink to name a few) but unwilling to support theirselves or family. My ears are deaf.

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