Dusty Balz, SASS#46599 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Joe Walker was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. >> >> On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU. >> >> The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. >> >> He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... >> >> Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. >> >> The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!" "I hope you're proud of yourself!" >> >> "While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU!" "It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care." >> >> The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed... >> >> The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just shittin' you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?" :lol: :lol:
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 ooooooooo ~ Ouch .... ..... :lol: :lol: GG ~
Virgil Ray Hality, SASS# 37355 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 That gave me mixed emotions! Kinda like watching my mother in law drive off a cliff in my new Benz.
Professor Tull, SASS #66742 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Possibly the best golf sketchrat farts............................ Tull
Jackson Rose, SASS #45478 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Bob and Ted were playing golf one sunny morning. One fairway was next to a country road and a funeral procession went down that road. Bob held his hat over his heart and did not resume play until the procession had gone by. Ted remarked that it was awfully nice for Bob to have a moment of silence while the deceased went by. Bob replied " it was the least I could do, we were married for 40 years."
Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381 Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Dusty, that is right up there with, "I think I can get a two'fer!"
Hoss Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Guy goes into locker room, sees his friend Bob. Says hey Bob, you speaking at the golf banquet tonight? Bob (holding his hand to his throat) painfully whispers, I'm not going to be able to talk tonite. Guy says what happened. Bob says I was playing a round by myself this afternoon, hit a drive on #8 that sliced into that farmers field. I'm looking for my ball, some ladies ask to play thru, I tell them to go ahead. Lady hits her second shot into the same field. We are both looking for our balls, can't find either one. Then I see this cow with her tail going back and forth like crazy. I pick up her tail, and a golf all is stuck right in the cows butt. I says " hey lady, does this look like yours?". She hit me in the throat with a 9 iron.
Mad Dog Irv Posted September 29, 2012 Posted September 29, 2012 Moses, Jesus and an old man were playing golf one day. Moses stepped up to the tee box reared back and shanked one right into the water hazard. Calmly, he walked up to the edge of the water, raised his club and the waters parted. He walked out and chipped up onto the green. Jesus was next up...he stepped up, wound up and ploop, right into the water. Not to be bothered, he walked right out onto the water and chipped up. The old man hobbled up to the tee. Unsteadily, he hit the ball with all he had......barely making it into the water trap. The old man just stood there, stooped over and watched as a fish swam up to the edge of the water and spit out the ball. From under a lilly pad, a frog jumped up and grabbed the ball, carrying it up onto the grass where he laid it down and returned to the lilly pad. A bird swooped down from the sky and snatched up the ball flying high into the top of an oak tree. A bushy tailed squirrel came bouncing down the tree with the ball between his front paws, ran out onto the green and dropped it in the hole. Obviously upset, Moses turned to Jesus and declared....................... THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!! I AM NEVER PLAYING GOLF WITH YOUR DAD AGAIN!!!
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