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All in fun.... :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

 

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

 

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

 

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!" "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

 

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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

 

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?

A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

 

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?

A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

 

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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

 

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a bordello!"

 

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a bordello smells like."

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

 

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

 

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

 

That's a good one....one I've never heard! :lol::lol::lol:

 

Chick

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Just before induction in Little Rock Ar, I saw/heard this in the Men's room at the Induction Hall. Guy in camo takes a leak, heads for the door. Air Force Guy in dress whites get's done at the same time and sees camo guy leaving without washing his hands. Air Force guy says "In the Air Force they taught us to wash our hands after using the facilities". Camo guy says "In the Army, they taught us not to pee on ourselves". True story, I was there.

Cash

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ASrmy 4 Star dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter tells him that Heaven is currently full and that he'd have to come back tomorrow. Next day, a Navy Admiral dies and now the 2 of them are at the gate. St. Peter tells them that Heaven is still full and to come back tomorrow. Day 3 and an Air Force General dies too. All 3 come to the gate and St. Peter tells them that Heaven is still full and that they'd have to return the next day. Just then, a Marine Corps Sergeant Major, in full dress Blues, 3 Up and 4 Down with 7 Hash Marks starting from the lower rocker to the wrist, 8 rows, four deep of ribbons, Gold RECON Wings, EXPERT Rifle and Pistol Q Badges walks by them and right into Heaven without a word. Now, the 3 Flag Officers are P.O.'d. Hey!, says the Army General, why do we have to wait and that NCO is allowed to walk right in????????????

 

 

St. Peter looks at them and says..............

 

 

That's no NCO. That's GOD....

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Just before induction in Little Rock Ar, I saw/heard this in the Men's room at the Induction Hall. Guy in camo takes a leak, heads for the door. Air Force Guy in dress whites get's done at the same time and sees camo guy leaving without washing his hands. Air Force guy says "In the Air Force they taught us to wash our hands after using the facilities". Camo guy says "In the Army, they taught us not to pee on ourselves". True story, I was there.

Cash

 

 

First heard that one at the Army-Navy game in '68 with Cadet & Midshipman in the roles. A good one lives forever. :lol:

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

 

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

 

I heard that one in 1966 and I was ready with the punch line when I got out in '68, but First Sergeant Fred "Red" Barron didn't say anything when I left.

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The four chiefs of staff were sitting around one evening having cocktails when the subject of whos troops were the bravest came up. The Chief of Naval Operations instantly hollered, "Seaman, come over here." A young enlisted man ran over and snapped to attention. The admiral said, "Seaman, take this grenade over into that field, pull the pin and lay on top of it." The seaman did as instructed and was instantly killed. The admiral turned to the rest of the group and said, "Gentlemen, that is bravery."

 

The Chief of Staff of the Army piped up and said, "Soldier, come over here." A young private ran over and snapped to attention. The general said, "Soldier, take this grenade and get on that aircraft over there. When the plane reaches 10,000 feet you jump out of it and pull the pin on the grenade." The private did as ordered and was killed. The general turned to the rest of the group and said, "Gentlemen, THAT is bravery."

 

The Commandant of the Marine Corp hollered, "Marine, get over here." A young corporal ran over, snapped to attention and yelled, "Ooo Rah." The general growled at the marine and said, "Take this grenade and get on that aircraft over there. When the plane reaches 10,00 feet you jump out of it. AFTER you hit the ground, then pull the pin." The marine did as ordered and was killed. The general turned to the rest of the group and said, "Gentlemen, NOW you have seen bravery."

 

Finally the Chief of Staff of the Air Force spoke up and softly said, "Airman, please come here." A young Airman First Class calmly walked up and stood casually in front of the general. The general said to the airman, "Airman, have you been watching what's been going on here?" The airman replied, "Yes sir, I have." "Good", said the general, "Now I want you to go and do everything those other troops did." The airman looked the general straight in the eyes and said, "Screw you, Sir." The general turned to the group with a wry smile and said, "Gentleman, your boys are wimps." :P

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Utah Bob got commissioned.

 

Biggest joke ever! :lol: :lol:

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Just before induction in Little Rock Ar, I saw/heard this in the Men's room at the Induction Hall. Guy in camo takes a leak, heads for the door. Air Force Guy in dress whites get's done at the same time and sees camo guy leaving without washing his hands. Air Force guy says "In the Air Force they taught us to wash our hands after using the facilities". Camo guy says "In the Army, they taught us not to pee on ourselves". True story, I was there.

Cash

 

Does/did the USAF really have dress whites?

 

But given the joke as is if I was a navy guy, I would then say that the navy guy came out and said that in the navy they didn't have to teach us that.

 

Now this is really a rerun of a joke about 3 guys from different colleges.

I like it done with Harvard, Yale and some local school. With the Yale guy not washing hands. Harvard saying they taught us. And the local school saying the didn't have to teach us.

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Two soldiers were detailed to bury a dead jackass. While digging the hole, the soldiers got into a heated argument over whether the correct term for the jackass was “donkey” or “burro.” A chaplain walking by asked the soldiers what they were so loudly arguing about. The soldier explained their disagreement and the chaplain informed the soldiers that in the Bible the animal is call an “ass” and why don’t they both agree to use the biblical term. The soldiers said, “Yes sir. We’ll call it an ass.” The chaplain walked on satisfied his counsel had brought peace between the two soldiers.

 

Later, a lady was walking by and saw the soldiers digging the hole. The lady asked, “Are you soldiers digging a fox hole?” The soldiers looked up at the lady and one replied, “Well ma’am, that’s not what the chaplain would call it.”

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Does/did the USAF really have dress whites?

 

Unfortunately yes. In the early or mid '80s and I believe they were only for senior officers but they only lasted one or two seasons and then never to be seen again.

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Mission: Secure the building.

 

There are various versions of this one below (a modern version), all similar, and like all good jokes, having some kernel of truth. :lol:

 

The story goes that in order to discover why the various branches of the military have problems in communicating with one another the Secretary of Defense called together a panel of four eager O-3's from the Navy, Army, Marine Corps, and Air Force. By way of experiment he asks each of them to jot down the necessary steps to accomplish a simple mission.

On the board he writes four words: Mission - Secure the Building.

 

Eager to demonstrate their budding leadership, the young officers hurriedly compose a list of necessary steps to fulfill the SECDEF's assignment.

 

The Navy Lieutenant carefully writes in his green note book.

Instruct the Chief to have men:

1. Unplug the coffeepots.

2. Turn off all computers.

3. Empty trash.

4. Turn off all lights.

5. Lock all doors on the way out.

 

 

The Army Captain prints in his cammy clad day timer.

1. Assemble the company.

2. Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard.

3. Take control of all exits.

4. Make sure no one gets into the building without a proper identification.

 

 

The Marine Corps Captain writes on palm of her hand:

1. Assemble platoon and supplies.

2. Approach building along three axes.

3. Bring building under mortar / SAW fire.

4. Assault building under covering fire.

5. Sequester surviving prisoners.

6. Establish perimeter and lanes of fire.

7. Prepare artillery and close air support calls.

8. Repel counterattacks.

 

The Air Force Captain jots on his PDA:

1. Contact real estate agent.

2. Negotiate best one year lease with option to buy.

 

 

Harvey (34 years Navy)

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Does/did the USAF really have dress whites?

 

Unfortunately yes. In the early or mid '80s and I believe they were only for senior officers but they only lasted one or two seasons and then never to be seen again.

 

Then there were these hideous prototypes in 2006. This was the Billy Mitchell heritage coat. And then Hap Arnold coat :blink: Wow!

Uurpp!

I guess cooler heads prevailed. :lol:

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Then there were these hideous prototypes in 2006. This was the Billy Mitchell heritage coat. And then Hap Arnold coat :blink: Wow!

Uurpp!

I guess cooler heads prevailed. :lol:

Call me goofy, but I'd rather wear something cool like either of those, than the cheap-looking green polyester suit the Army gave me. Looked like a used car salesman. I think it'd be awesome if the army adopted something like you'd see Pershing in. :)

 

Then again, I never liked dress uniforms anyway, primarily because I never liked doing things which required a dress uniform. Rather spend time in the motor pool, or on the range, or on the land-nav range, or even out picking up trash.

 

BTW I recall seeing, at the AAFES on Dobbins, circa 1996, Air Force officer uniforms with rank stripes on the sleeves similar to those on naval officer uniforms, except they were black or maybe dark blue. Only saw them once, never again. Never saw anyone wearing them either. Did I imagine this?

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Then there were these hideous prototypes in 2006. This was the Billy Mitchell heritage coat. And then Hap Arnold coat :blink: Wow!

Uurpp!

I guess cooler heads prevailed. :lol:

 

Sorry UB, I disagree. For 23 years I wore the Air Force dress uniform and looked like a bus driver. I'd have much rather worn either the Billy Mitchell or Hap Arnold.

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When I was mustered out everyone in my formation but me wore dress greens. I wore an Eisenhower jacket and a c-cap. Greens weren't mandatory until the end of the month. I saw no reason to buy a set with the short time I had left on active duty. CO wasn't too happy about it, but I was legal.

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