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Don"t mess with the Rabbi


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He knows the IRS too !

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the

books of a Synagogue.. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

 

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

 

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

 

But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

 

'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the

crumbs?'

 

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to

trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'

 

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the

know-it-all Rabbi.

 

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins

from the circumcisions you perform?'

 

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save all

the foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they

send us a complete dick. :lol: :lol:

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Speakin' of Rabbis...

 

In the far away land of Daffodillia there lived a peaceful people known as the Trids.

 

Every morning the Trids got up, ate breakfast, and marched over the bridge to Tridville to work.

 

One night, a troll moved in under the bridge. When the Trids tried to cross the bridge the next day, the troll climbed up and kicked the Trids all the way back to their homes. The Trids decided to take the day off in hopes that the troll would go away, but the next morning the troll once again climbed up onto the bridge and kicked them back to their homes.

 

In desperation, the Trids decided to ask the Rabbi for help.

 

So the following morning the Rabbi walked across the bridge several times but never saw the troll. He went home believing the troll had indeed moved on.

 

When the Trids tried to cross the bridge afterward, the troll climbed up again and kicked the Trids back home.

 

The Rabbi returned to the bridge and called out for the troll. When the troll appeared, the Rabbi asked why he was allowed to cross the bridge but not the Trids. The troll replied.....

 

Get ready...

 

Here it comes...

 

 

 

"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

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Speaking of the IRS and rabbis...

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear."Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."

 

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

 

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice.'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'"

 

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problemwith the IRS?"

 

Replied the rabbi, "No matter what you wear, you are going to getscrewed."

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Mess with the Rabbi and he'll sew it back on....

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Once upon a time there were, across the street from each other, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. There was no real animosity between the two, but there was always a mild rivalry.

 

One Saturday, as the Jewish congregation was arriving for services, they find the entire Catholic congregation out in the street, presenting the Priest with the keys to a new Buick.

 

This slightly annoyed the Jewish congregation, and during the week many of them got together and discussed it. The next weekend, on Sunday morning, as the Catholic congregation was leaving the church, and shaking the Priest’s hand as he stood in the doorway, they noticed the Jewish congregation presenting the Rabbi with the keys to a new Lincoln.

 

The Priest watched for a few moments, then walked back inside the church and returned with some Holy Water, which he sprinkled on the hood of the Buick.

 

The Rabbi watched this, then walked over to the synagogue caretaker’s truck, and opening a toolbox, removed a pair of tin snips. He then crawled underneath the Lincoln and cut two inches off the end of the exhaust pipe.

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The Priest and the Rabbi were talking. The Priest asked the Rabbi if he had ever eaten ham. The rabbi replied that, yes, he had tried it. The Rabbi asked the Priest if he ever had sex. The Priest replied that, before entering the seminary, he had tried sex. The Rabbi said, "It's better than ham, ain't it? :lol::lol:

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100 bucks a week plus tips.............

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The neighborhood Rabbi, Priest and Reverend while playing their regular round of Wednesday afternoon golf got onto the topic of how they divided their respective weekly donations.

 

 

The priest told his friends “ I take all the baskets and throw the contents into the air, what comes down and lands in the basket is mine the rest goes to the church.”

 

 

The reverend responds “I do something similar. I too throw the contents from the collection plates in the air, what comes down heads is mine to use, if lands tails it is given to the church.”

 

 

The rabbi says he uses a method much like his two friends. “I also toss the contents of the collection into the air, what God wants he keeps…”

:)

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Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life

Hey Irishman...

 

Had a great laugh outta that one... I even stole it and sent it out...

 

ts

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Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life

Tennessee Stud-glad to see you have survived tax season 2012 act 1. Before the intermission is over give me a shout and lets get together and try and out lie one another.

 

 

Will do...

 

Next time yore down this way... or we can meet at or near Cool Springs.... let me know....

 

ts

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