Guest EL NEGRO GATO #8178 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 You try to pass along your knowledge and skills to younger people. A couple nights ago, I was by my daughter and my 8 and 5 year old grandsons tried sparring with me. I didn't want to discourage them so I got down on my knees to limit my mobility and reach. I was teaching them the difference between soft and hard blocks, sweeps, blocks, penetrating defense, but no kicks... My wife and daughter just about had a kitten. "Don't teach them that stuff! You'll make them aggressive and dangerous! We don't want them turning out like you!" I turned to them both and said "You are the one that enrolled them in Karate. I noticed that you didn't mind me being dangerous when I kept the wolves away from you and kept both of you safe." I then asked them both if I was such a horrible monster that you are ashamed of me." I walked out of the house and walked 3 miles back home. So far, neither one of them has said a word to me and I see no apologies in the near future... I just had a flashback from when I returned from Viet Nam.... XXX? I spent my entire life protecting others as well as those that I love and now this? Amen brother ENG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oklahomabound Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 The fact that I taught both of my kids how to defend themselves, both with weapons and bare hands is the real kicker. Plus, my daughter married a Cop and he is on our SWAT Team. And those comments were not said in jest. SS, I don't have a suggestion as to what you should do; but the words said to you would have upset me to no end... ...and I would have done as you did--a long walk, kick the dog, and take time to cool off.... ...as for next steps, the suggestion regarding finding some way of opening up communication sounds right.. ...my mom raised me with the understanding that I should never let the sun go down on my anger when up set with Ms. Mary Matilda... ...that has caused a few long sleepless nights and seeing the sun come up the next day while trying to w**k through the hard words, anger, dissapointment, confusion, etc.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawMan Mark, SASS #57095L Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Sarge, I refuse to apologize for who and what I am. If I couldn't make peace without saying "I'm sorry" for something I wasn't sorry about, I would have to learn to live with it... And I learned a long time ago that my chosen profession would cause me to stand apart from others...even those in my family on occasion. I can, and have, lived with that for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Bill Burt Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 My poor communications skills have led some to misinterpret my feelings on this. I will step back from things now. Sarge, I hope things work out for the best for you. I think it was my communication skills that came up short on that one Bob, I didn't mean to imply you were criticizing, I just wanted to make it plain I wouldn't criticize a decision as personal as that. We can all express what we would do in a difficult situation like that, but ultimately only the Sarge can decide what's bet for him, which is something I'm sure you and I agree on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 My poor communications skills have led some to misinterpret my feelings on this. I will step back from things now. Sarge, I hope things work out for the best for you. Misinterpretation happens on the Wire alot. I hear ya UB, GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Sarge, I refuse to apologize for who and what I am. ..Don't think any one here is asking the Sarge to apologize for who and what he is... However, I beleive that ALL here are supportive of him. GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Dog, SASS #20401 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Welcome home my brother. It's a hard world and only the hard survive. Sometimes gals have a hard time with that. Of course you love them as you married and sired them. So you have to walk a mile in their moccasins. Of course they don't want them to turn out like you. They want them to be doctors or some such. If that is the boy's choice when they come of age fine. But I would be just as proud if they turned out to be sheep dogs like you and me. To teach a young man how to defend himself is your duty but of course the gals are not gonna appreciate your efforts in that high calling. They can't help being that way, they are from Venus. Amazons are hard to find these days. Sorry you are apparently saddled with rose colored glasses wearin' gals. You can apologize if you decide that is the way to go and only you can decide and know which course is the best for your future contentment... BUT... ...and this is a big BUT if it were me in that situation I know I would not apologize. Probably why I am thrice-divorced and mate-less since the mid '80s. I have a large extended family but only see most of 'em oncet a year at the reunion. But thankfully I have my VFW family I see at least twicet a month and my SASS family I see 3 or 4 times a month. Both bunches accept me for how I am, warts and all. Hard-headed, hard-hided warty sheep-dog. Same as you. We got yer back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 What is that story about sheep, sheep dogs and wolves? The sheep fear both the sheep dog and the wolf. I'm not saying that your wife and daughter are sheep, just that those that are protected often don't understand the protector and often don't appreciate the role that the protector plays, until they are in danger of course. Just understand that you see the world differently than they do, and it is because of you and people like you that they can. +1 That's what I was going to say, but you may have said it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Smokepole #29248L Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 I thank all for their well wishes. That said, I have no intention to apologize as I have done nothing wrong. If I didn't take that walk, there would be PLENTY for me to apologize for but I kept my mouth shut and out of earshot.If I had done something wrong, I would apologize in a New York minute. I am not a total fool. I know the game after being married for 39 years. Unfortunately, I am married to a woman that the words "I am sorry" are not in her vocabulary and my daughter is almost as bad. Things have been quiet here.... Actually, the silence is deafening and I do not foresee any apologies coming my way so I am just going to enjoy the quiet time. I am currently watching my grandsons and in about an hour, I am going to a car show, "World of Wheels" is here and it shows all kinds of classic muscle cars, hot rods, rat rods and race cars. I love this stuff and so does my son so I am going to spend the day with him on my terms... At least I don't have to fight over the TV remote as she is keeping her distance from me.... Smarts finally kicked in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Sounds good Sarge - sounds like ya have been there before and just need to deal with it. ...but understand that those here who were talking about apologizing were not indicting you for anything 'wrong' on your part. It was for different reasons, but...oh well. Take care... GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wild Will Bartell Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Sarge, Lots of advice here from lots of folks covering all ends of the spectrum. Here's my 2 pesos, FWIW.... First of all, I'm sure that you know; 'Perception is Reality'. You were there when the words were spoken, and your perception of the context in which they were spoken is the reality. During my time in LE, I was on the receiving end of some hurtful comments from people that I loved,(ex-wife) and some others who should have known better. Their thoughtless words cut deep as well. There were no apologies then either. The big mistake I made, as alluded to in a previous post, is I let it fester. It eventually cost me a marriage, and some 'friendships' that turned out to be no great loss after all. Most importantly, it cost me some of my long-term health. If nothing else, don't let it fester. Have a sit-down with the parties involved, and in a civil and un-emotional way, open the lines of communication and discuss what occurred. Say your peace, let the others say theirs, and like it or not, let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully, a solution can be worked out that will make all right with the world again. Remember my friend, to forgive - even if it's difficult to forget.... WWB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Smokepole #29248L Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well, no apology as such but she made me breakfast this morning.... Something that I normally do on Sundays.... Could this be a crack in the iceberg????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well, no apology as such but she made me breakfast this morning.... Something that I normally do on Sundays.... Could this be a crack in the iceberg????? Sounds like progress. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAYOBARD SASS #13025L Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 You are right Sarge. My dad is a retired Marine (23 years service, Korean War and Vietnam War vet). I have been a Cop for 31 years in Los Angeles. I understand you and agree with you completely. If there was an apology from me, it would be worded as such: "I apologize that it has been necessary for me to be an agressive, mean, tough, and prepared SOB in order to deal with evil dangerous scum on this planet. I further apologize, that it was nexessary to prepare my children and their children for more of the same evil scum that seem to be growing in numbers due to a lot of the people in society not being worth a shit." This is my oath, and God bless you and those like you for keeping the wolf away from the door! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Original Lumpy Gritz Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well, no apology as such but she made me breakfast this morning.... Something that I normally do on Sundays.... Could this be a crack in the iceberg????? Ya feel'n OK still....... LG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Smokepole #29248L Posted March 4, 2012 Author Share Posted March 4, 2012 Ya feel'n OK still....... LG I'm just waitin' fer the boom to hit me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Gauntlet , SASS 60619 Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Entirely apart from Sarge's situation, but more in regard to some other posts, I would say that "I'm sorry" does not mean "I was wrong". It just as often can mean I'm sorry that you were wrong. What one can truly be sorry about is the situation that has arisen, not what one may have said. I had a great relationship with my dad, and we never fought after I grew up, but once we got into an argument over something, on the phone. This was a really rare thing. I thought I was right. But I headed right over there to say I was sorry we had a fight, and he said the same thing and that was the end of it. One result of this type of approach, which my folks taught us, is that we never have these accumulated resentments, pouting and sulking, pushing away from the dinner table in a huff, etc. etc. in our family, whereas they seem to be so common in so many families. Most "pride" in these family contexts is self-centered. Again, this is no comment on Sarge's particular situation; just general observations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Entirely apart from Sarge's situation, but more in regard to some other posts, I would say that "I'm sorry" does not mean "I was wrong". It just as often can mean I'm sorry that you were wrong. What one can truly be sorry about is the situation that has arisen, not what one may have said. I had a great relationship with my dad, and we never fought after I grew up, but once we got into an argument over something, on the phone. This was a really rare thing. I thought I was right. But I headed right over there to say I was sorry we had a fight, and he said the same thing and that was the end of it. One result of this type of approach, which my folks taught us, is that we never have these accumulated resentments, pouting and sulking, pushing away from the dinner table in a huff, etc. etc. in our family, whereas they seem to be so common in so many families. Most "pride" in these family contexts is self-centered. Again, this is no comment on Sarge's particular situation; just general observations. ...perfectly explained - +1 GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 see below Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Mark Flint #31954 LIFE Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Skipped all responses and went straight to reply so if this is repetitive, it is only because someone before me was equally brilliant. Thank you for all you have given this country. Indeed, you and your fellow soldiers gave not only your time, your limbs, your blood, your sanity, your lives, but also your relationships. Your response to the sheer stupidity of the statements made by your own family is understandable, at least to a hot head like myself. You have proven yourself over and over again throughout your life and your careers. It is unfortunate that those who have not had to sacrifice in the way such as you did, simply do not understand the weight of their words. Forgive them for their inability to realize what the effects of their words can be. Not for them, but for yourself. You are right, they are wrong. I would not allow myself to be alienated from my children and grandchildren, no matter what might be said or done; Forgive anyway. Now as to apologizing . . . You have nothing to apologize for, other than not having the words and the calm demeanor to explain your feelings at the time of the event. Apologize only for not having the presence of mind at the time to calmly explain your feelings and reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tennessee Stud, SASS# 43634 Life Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 When A Warrior Stops Being A Warrior... What do you do? From the countless ones I met... there ain't no "on/off switch" associated with it. Although others may not appreciate it... leave the light on. ts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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