Redneck Twas the Night Before Christmas

[Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381]

Redneck Twas the Night Before Christmas

 

 

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer,

 

the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler.

 

The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,

 

and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy.

 

 

The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,

 

the worst Christmas Eve they had had in their lives.

 

My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,

 

so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.

 

 

When out in the yard the dog started barkin',

 

I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin.

 

He yelled, "Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws,

 

and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus."

 

 

I said, "Claus, I don't know nobody named Claus,

 

and you ain't taking me in without probable cause."

 

Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at tonight."

 

I said, "That might have been me, just what's he looklike."

 

 

The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller,

 

with a big beer gut belly, that shakes like a bowl full ofjelly.

 

He sports a longbeard, and a nose like a cherry."

 

I said, "Sheriffthat sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

 

 

"It's no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff he said.

 

"The man I'm describing in dressed all in red.

 

I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean.

 

Tell me what you've done, tell me what you've seen."

 

 

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell,

 

it wouldn't have been the first night that I've spent injail.

 

I said, "Sheriff it happened just about ten,

 

and I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

 

 

When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost.

 

I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO's.

 

But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over herhead,

 

and stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red.

 

 

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder,

 

a freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.

 

Well my hands were a shakin' as I grabbed my gun,

 

when outta Red's chimney this feller did run.

 

 

And slung on his back was this bag over flowin'.

 

I thought he stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'.

 

So I yelled, "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!"

 

But he went about his business like he hadn't a care.

 

 

So I popped a warning shot over his head.

 

Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled.

 

And as he flew off I heard him extort,

 

"That's assault with intent Roy, I'll see ya incourt."

 

[Marshal Slim Chisum SASS #15622]

LOL Very funny!

[el Gato Gordo - SASS #15162]

Entertaining, but.......only ONE dog?

 

 

eGG

[Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172]

"Bringing Culture to your life"?

 

When, besides Wildcat, have you even seen Culture?

[Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381]

Entertaining, but.......only ONE dog?

 

 

eGG

 

Yep, good catch!

[Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381]

"Bringing Culture to your life"?

 

When, besides Wildcat, have you even seen Culture?

 

 

I seen some on cheese once. I'm not real sure what that is between yer toes.

[Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172]

I seen some on cheese once. I'm not real sure what that is between yer toes.

 

It ain't cheese, and it ain't culture.

[Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381]

It ain't cheese, and it ain't culture.