Widder, SASS #59054 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "I get no repect at all" "A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over.....Nobody was home! "I went to a massage parlor. It was self service" ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shooting Bull Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "I went to a massage parlor. It was self service" Sometimes those are the best kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrimstoneJerome Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." "I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie Harley, #14153 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "Hey everybody! We're all going to get paid!" From "Caddyshack" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seamus McGillicuddy Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "My wife told me she's cuttin' me down to sex only once a week. She said I shouldn't complain, some guys she's cuttin' out altogether!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waimea Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "What an ugly hat....but it looks good on you" From Back to School: You gotta look out for number one. But don't step in number two. And so, to all you graduates...as you go out into the world my advice to you is...don't go! It's rough out there. Waimea (missing Rodney) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mean Matt McCord, SASS #24683 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Even when I was a kid T got no respect. For my 12th birthday, my old man gave me a bicycle and 24 monthly payments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Branch Louie Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Still my all time favorite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex M Rugers #6621 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Uuhh , Widder , if his birthday is Nov. 22 , you haven't quite missed it yet. No disrespect intended , Rex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Uuhh , Widder , if his birthday is Nov. 22 , you haven't quite missed it yet. No disrespect intended , Rex Rex, you are correct. I was thinking of his passing away date. Thanks for catching that. I'll change my topic. much obliqued. ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry McKenna #700L Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 " I saw a guy jogging nude in my neighborhood. I asked him 'what are you doing that for?' He said 'you came home early!'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 "its tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass". "I knew a girl so ugly, they used her in prisons to cure sex offenders". "I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning". ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Jingles Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Bartender ask what-a-ya-have ? I said surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife. I ask who said my wife is easy ? He said everybody ! I flagged a taxi, he said where to bud ? I said take me someplace I can have a good time. He took me to my house ! Are you kiddin; story of my life no respect ya-know. My wife said take out the trash ! I said you cooked it you take it out. Ya know my wife used to take 1 hour to burn dinner. I bought her a microwave; now she can burn it in 20 minutes! Oh, and my kids ain't no joy either. In high school my daughter was voted most likely to conceive ! No respect ya-know; no respect ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowdy Buckshot Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 "I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mean Matt McCord, SASS #24683 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korupt Karl Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 My daughter flunked her driving test....she has no front seat experience.... My wife said "Take me somewhere I've never been..."....I said "Try the kitchen". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-BAR #18287 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 He was a great fashion designer...I'm buying "Regular Guy" pants these days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry McKenna #700L Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 No respect....the other day I was talking to the Surgeon General. He offered me a cigarette. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 My twin brother forgot my birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cowboy Rick, SASS #49739L Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When I was a kid I was at a mall and couldn't find my parents. I told a cop - he said "I don't know, son. There are so many places they can hide" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hud Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Who knew dead people could dance? Hey doll, you musta been really something....before electricity. This place is dryer then a popcorn fart..frrrrappp. Hey somebody step on a duck? This food is low grade dog food, you can still see the marks on this steak where the jockey was whippin it...Hey Ringo, play something from the century will ya.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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