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Noz

Did you hear the one about the Nun.....?

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Who was acting as a visiting nurse?

 

She was on her way to see a client when she ran out of gas.

 

She coould see a service station just down the road so she walked down and asked if she could borrow a gas can to get enough gas to get the car up to the pumps. she was told that he would be happy to loan her a can but he had just loaned his out and she would be welcome to it as soon as the other customer brought it back.

She decided to wait in her car until the can was returned.

As she approached the car she thought that this was silly. She was only a short distance from the client so she would get her kit out of the trunk and walk to the client. When she opened the trunk she saw a forgotten bed pan. That would hold enough gas to get the car started and up to the pumps, so she walked back to the station and ran a couple of quarts of gas into the bed pan.

Back to the car with the gas.

As she was pouring it into her tank, two rednecks drove by.

One of them yells, "Stop Bubba!"

Bubba asks "Why?"

 

 

"Cause if that car starts, I'm never missing church again"!

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I used to be married to a "nun" .........

 

 

........ "nun" in tha mornin', ..... an' "nun" in tha night ........ <_<

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A nun walked into a liquor store and asked for a bottle of "Jack Daniels". The clerk said, "You're a nun, you're not supposed to drink. I'm not selling you any liquor."

 

The nun replied, "It's for Mother Superior's constpation."

 

The clerk said, "Medicinal pourposes is different", and sold her the bottle.

 

A few hours later, the clerk closed the store, and after locking the door, he turned and saw the nun lying in the gutter, stone drunk, with the empty bottle of "Jack" next to her.

 

He went over to her and scolded, "I'm ashamed of you, Sister, you told me , that was for Mother Superior's constpation."

 

The nun said, "It is, when she sees me, she'll $hit."

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A nun walked into a liquor store and asked for a bottle of "Jack Daniels". The clerk said, "You're a nun, you're not supposed to drink. I'm not selling you any liquor."

 

The nun replied, "It's for Mother Superior's constpation."

 

The clerk said, "Medicinal pourposes is different", and sold her the bottle.

 

A few hours later, the clerk closed the store, and after locking the door, he turned and saw the nun lying in the gutter, stone drunk, with the empty bottle of "Jack" next to her.

 

He went over to her and scolded, "I'm ashamed of you, Sister, you told me , that was for Mother Superior's constpation."

 

The nun said, "It is, when she sees me, she'll $hit."

Oh, that's a good one, too.

 

Here's another:

 

A man took his seat on an airliner, and noticed a nun sitting in the passenger seat next to him, extremely nervous. She was praying and counting her beads, hands constantly moving.

 

He tried to help her: "Excuse me, Sister, but please don't worry. We'll be alright. Didn't the Lord say, 'I will be with you always'?"

 

The nun looked at the man aghast, and said, "No! He didn't say that! He said, 'LO I will be with you always'!"

 

That's the joke. As in not aloft.

 

But then I thought as a pilot, that she should still feel fairly safe up there, as, generally speaking, when planes crash, it's on the ground when they do it. Not always. But usually. :) And if she thinks that THAT's when the Lord is with her.... But that ruins the joke?

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