Deja Vous Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 So, I lost an old loved one. At one time he was the funniest, most talented man I knew in the whole wide world. To me there was nothing he could not do. No one had my attention like he did he was my best friend in life. What is that .. "whiskey if you were a woman".. comes to mind. He did have a weakness beyond me I guess and her names was booze. I lost my best triend to booze a long time ago and all the dangers that come with it. He finally left this world, y on Sunday morning with his sister at his side. I spent a lot of time dealing with the pain of the loss of someone I loved once and lost to booze, and the feeling I had of not having to be afraid of him anymore. God blessed him with so many talents, and yet he did not get strength. And I don't know why. But I do know beyond the pain he did cause, he also gave me love and years of enjoyment with him. Tonight I bid him farewell, and my heart does hurt at lot. All the could have beens, have been taken from me over time. And I have been left with just the memories of the good times. I have been invited to the funeral by his brother and sister.. but I can not attend. I prefer to remember him as a younger man, before he meet booze and when we thought we were something to good to ever end. I did tell a piece of the story once about LEO"s saving my life. I am grateful for that.. I will always remember his talents, his love, his humor, and his sweet side.. Some people were simply never meant to drink I guess. God, please welcome home someone I loved so much because inside he was the best man. He would never refuse to help someone, in fact he helped a lot of friends when we were together. I hope God, that you can forgive his bad side and I know you can, because I have and I am just a girl... in Jesus name I pray... Thanks you all.. And no, you don't need to respond.. I just needed to express how I feel and I am not real good at the 'feeling" parts of my past in person. Deja. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bama Red Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Deja, I lost the two men I loved the most, next to my Dad, to alcohol - my two uncles. I almost know how you feel, cause your love was different. Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathies. Prayers up for your loved one and you, my dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Willy Dunkum, SASS # 61027 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Deja, I lost a little brother to alcohol many years ago and watched as he struggled with life, losing everything that he once thought dear. He passed away about a year and a half ago and was but a shadow of what he once was. There's not a day that goes by I don't think of him as he used to be, playing sports, energetic, full of life and so happy the day his kids were born. Think on the good times and my God soothe your heart. Rev Willy Dunkum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tascosa, SASS# 24838 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Deja, our prayers are with you and your friend. I think you can count on God forgiving our sins in life if we have a good heart. Your good friend is in heaven. Via con Dios Tascosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Prayers for you Deja ~ GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Jen Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Hello Deja, and you both have my prayers. Your friend lost a war with something, but I'm sure it was a war he didn't want to have, either. You mentioned you didn't know why...... I know you're an intelligent person, and I don't mean to preach, but in sharing my own view on this topic, I think there is a genetic / brain chemistry basis to chemical addictions, more than any other single cause. I believe it's not as simple as will power. I think that alcohol can be a problem the person deals differently with, substantially, from how others deal with it, that it is doing something differently to them, or that the body craves it differently, in a manner that it takes extreme strength-of-will to even live with. I don't think that severe alcoholism is a sign of a character deficit. To me, from a genetic perspective, and learning bits about how genetics can affect out body's needs and our thought processes, I look at someone as your friend as someone who was fighting a war most others don't understand. He was killed in that war. I'd be willing to bet he didn't want to have to have the war in the first place, and I bet it made his life miserable. I'm very sorry for your loss, and funerals are a grieving process for us, ones who love. No one knows what you need in this painful time better than you do. God bless you and him, both, that you may find peace. Aunt Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest EL NEGRO GATO #8178 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Sharon, I feel your pain, I lost my wife last year to diabetics and whiskey, she wouldn't stop drinking and controlling her medications. Now she's at peace and if there's a hereafter I hope she's with her dad and her two dauchounds fishing and having a great time. You can always call if you need someone to talk to Love Ya Donn aka ENG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardpan Curmudgeon SASS #8967 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Deja, just know that we join you in your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duffield, SASS #23454 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Deja, I lost my first wife to prescription drug abuse and alcohol. She died a year ago, but we had been divorced since 1988. There were memories of our hopes and dreams, all lost and not to be regained. I know just exactly how you feel. You are in my prayers. Duffield Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My prayers and condolences for you, little sister. May God give you comfort and peace about this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flint McCloud 3103L Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My condolences and prayers for peace and healing for all of his many friends and family... Vaya con Dios Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickahominy Charlie Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Prayers and condolences to you, girl. It's always hard to lose someone you care about, and it's harder when it's caused by self-destruction. Been there, done that. Chick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grouchy Greg, SASS#71981 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 My sympathies on your loss, Deja. I never lost anyone to whiskey, but I lost my Mom and her sister, my Aunt Mary to cigarettes. Both smoked for about 55 years each, and both died of emphysema and congestive heart failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Lost my Grandpaw on the Apache side to drinking in 1978. Prayers up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, I lost the two men I loved the most, next to my Dad, to alcohol - my two uncles. I almost know how you feel, cause your love was different. Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathies. Prayers up for your loved one and you, my dear. I had not seen him in decades, I was scared to death of him.. and yet, I prayed for him.. and I will continue to do so. He was a wonderful man that simply went down the wrong path and I could not save him no matter how hard I tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, I lost a little brother to alcohol many years ago and watched as he struggled with life, losing everything that he once thought dear. He passed away about a year and a half ago and was but a shadow of what he once was. There's not a day that goes by I don't think of him as he used to be, playing sports, energetic, full of life and so happy the day his kids were born. Think on the good times and my God soothe your heart. Rev Willy Dunkum Thanks so much.. and I do think of the good times.. I just wish I could have .. well you know waived the magic wand and made him all better I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, our prayers are with you and your friend. I think you can count on God forgiving our sins in life if we have a good heart. Your good friend is in heaven. Via con Dios Tascosa Thanks Tascos.... for the life of me I could never understand it.. nor could I fix it. But God has to know before booze he was the best person.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Prayers for you Deja ~ GG ~ Thanks Gunners.. the cool part is that I got to know the real him before booze took him over.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hello Deja, and you both have my prayers. Your friend lost a war with something, but I'm sure it was a war he didn't want to have, either. You mentioned you didn't know why...... I know you're an intelligent person, and I don't mean to preach, but in sharing my own view on this topic, I think there is a genetic / brain chemistry basis to chemical addictions, more than any other single cause. I believe it's not as simple as will power. I think that alcohol can be a problem the person deals differently with, substantially, from how others deal with it, that it is doing something differently to them, or that the body craves it differently, in a manner that it takes extreme strength-of-will to even live with. I don't think that severe alcoholism is a sign of a character deficit. To me, from a genetic perspective, and learning bits about how genetics can affect out body's needs and our thought processes, I look at someone as your friend as someone who was fighting a war most others don't understand. He was killed in that war. I'd be willing to bet he didn't want to have to have the war in the first place, and I bet it made his life miserable. I'm very sorry for your loss, and funerals are a grieving process for us, ones who love. No one knows what you need in this painful time better than you do. God bless you and him, both, that you may find peace. Aunt Jen I do appreciate you thoughts and prayers.. Thanks so much. I knew the minute his family moved in for a month and then bought a home by us that it would led to trouble.. his dad drank a lot and togehter they really dranks. I tried everything and finally I went to alanon. It was then that I found out I could not fix him, he had to. And the last time he went a crazy when he was drunk I simply called my pal whos hubby was a LEO.. and I was whisk off to safety. It was the right choice for me.. not so sure it was the right one for him. I was told once he got much worse after I was gone. My fear was he was dangerous, and adding injury to his list of DUI's would only lead him to jail time. The pain is the relief I feel at not having to worry about meeting up with him again made me feel good.. long before I felt the pain of his loss.. Simply not a nice thing to think about. He was the best person.. he was silly,... but his drinking took his humor from him. So, I pray that he is safe in heaven and that God forgives me for not helping him longer, and for feeling the bit of relief I felt.. If you would have know him when I first met him, and then met him again after he started drinking heavy you would not believe it was the same man. A huge loss to me and to t he world as a whole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bama Red Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 ...........and I could not save him no matter how hard I tried. That's the deal alcohol makes with its victims. The alcohol agrees to kill you and you agree to let it. That deal has to be broken before the alcoholic can accept help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Sharon, I feel your pain, I lost my wife last year to diabetics and whiskey, she wouldn't stop drinking and controlling her medications. Now she's at peace and if there's a hereafter I hope she's with her dad and her two dauchounds fishing and having a great time. You can always call if you need someone to talk to Love Ya Donn aka ENG Thanks BC..... I write out how I feel, I do better with that talking it harder for me about stuff. I type better about it ... and it helps me move past it. Tonight I am already better ... When my grandmother passed over I told stories about her to myself in stories... until I forgot the pain of losing her. this works best for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, just know that we join you in your prayers. Thanks Hardpans... just typing it out helped me a great deal.. and everyone being so kinda about it was nice. Usually people tell me he was a drunk and a abuser so he is in HE))... I don't want to believe that.. I think God has a lot more forgiveness in his heart than I do.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big50 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Miz Deja, Praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, I lost my first wife to prescription drug abuse and alcohol. She died a year ago, but we had been divorced since 1988. There were memories of our hopes and dreams, all lost and not to be regained. I know just exactly how you feel. You are in my prayers. Duffield Thanks so much... and I bet you know much more pain than I did.. because I left, had to per my LEO pals ... I have the memories of when he was the best thing that ever happened to me.. My first husband died, so I was not really looking for anyone. My friends set me up, they were so sure that we were a match.. and I guess we were.. lol... It was like a perfect match, until he drank and got violent. I could not fix him I thought so I left one night with help and they hid me even... Since that day I have wondered if I stuck around, maybe I could have done something. But my LEO pals told me that I was an enabler.. so I took their advice because the kept me alive one night.. WE had hopes and dreams and so much fun... it was a huge loss.. sort of like burying someone and knowing they are still alive... It was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life. To walk away from someone you love and want to help... and you are told you can not help. Being told I enabled him made it so much worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 My prayers and condolences for you, little sister. May God give you comfort and peace about this matter. Thanks BMCS.. I do need my brothers in SASS a lot.. ya'll make me laugh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 My condolences and prayers for peace and healing for all of his many friends and family... Vaya con Dios Thanks Flint.. his family loved him.. but he had few friends any more.. they were afraid of him too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Prayers and condolences to you, girl. It's always hard to lose someone you care about, and it's harder when it's caused by self-destruction. Been there, done that. Chick You often wonder why, huh? Why can't you reach them.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 My sympathies on your loss, Deja. I never lost anyone to whiskey, but I lost my Mom and her sister, my Aunt Mary to cigarettes. Both smoked for about 55 years each, and both died of emphysema and congestive heart failure. Just as painful.. a bad habit is a bad habit.. and watching them destory themselves is so hard on your heart.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Lost my Grandpaw on the Apache side to drinking in 1978. Prayers up. Well you know what they say about us darn indians.. lol.. But then he was German.. Sorry for your loss Apaches.. such a waste.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 That's the deal alcohol makes with its victims. The alcohol agrees to kill you and you agree to let it. That deal has to be broken before the alcoholic can accept help. When I first went to Alanon they told me I helped him drink. Because I forgave him over and over again.. So I tried to stop doing that he lost him totally to booze and he became so violent. Anything would set him off. I could ask him what he wanted for dinner and the whole night was bitterness. I got to where I never asked or talked about much with him for fear he would lose his temper. He would ask me about something, and then get angry if I tried to discuss it with him to get his imput. I missed us, I trusted his imput, and his strength so much for years. Suddenly he was a whole different person and no one gave me the play book. Alanon told me to leave the minute he got rough.. but I didn't listen... It did take a gal pal with a LEO hubby to save my life and keep me alive to convince me I could nto help him any longer.. His life was his choice. He was so talented.. he could fix anything, build anything, discuss anything, I would ask his advice on everything I did.. I would spend all my time thinking about him, people loved him, we had friends over, we skied, we hiked, we rode, we hunted. .and suddenly,.. he only wanted to drink with his dad. It was a huge loss to my heart... To this day I love who he use to be.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deja Vous Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Miz Deja, Praying for you. Thanks so much.. I am fine.. but he is the one I worry about.. I want him to go to heaven and be happy again.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EE Taft Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja, Now he can finally see that through all the bad times that someone like you loved him unconditionally with a heart of gold. I dare not lay blame to any of his faults as we all have weaknesses of one form or another. With your love and prayers as well as his own strength and prayers from friends, family, and strangers I'm sure that he found his way home. My prayers go out for him and you in this trying time. Deja......Sis......never blame yourself. I'm sure by your post you don't, but don't ever let the "what ifs" come creepin' in. Self distruction is by definition and design.......caused within one's self....not from an outside source. Once again, my prayers for you both. ~EE Taft~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickamauga Charlie, SASS #47963 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 that was beautiful Deja. CC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shoer 27979 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Deja I sent you a PM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Cord Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Ah little sister, you have a heart of gold. Some folks never know the riches placed right before them. Hugs to you for all you have meant to those who have been fortunate enough to know you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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