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Banjo Jokes

 

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

 

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

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What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

 

No one cries when you cut up a banjo.

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Christmas and banjo joke thread time are two of my favorite times of year......

 

A banjo player went running up to a cop and said, "Arrest that kid, he just changed one of my tuning pegs." Cop said, "Oh, come on, you can fix that."

 

Banjo player says, "Maybe, but he won't tell me which one!"

 

 

Thanks Driftwood

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What's the difference between a banjo and an uzi?

 

 

 

The uzi only repeats 40 times.

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What? Accordians are immune?!

 

If you threw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State building, which one would hit the ground first?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who cares?

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An old man was on his death bed and called his whole family together so that he could bid them farewell and make his peace with the world. After he said what he wanted to each in turn and he knew he was coming very close to death he called for all to gather together.

 

"I have one thing I would like to confess before I go," he said. They all drew closer. "It was me," cough, wheeze, "I was the one," he said as they leaned down as close as they could to hear what he could barely get out in a whisper. Gasp, cough, "I was the one," cough, wheeze, "in the kitchen with Dinah…"

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A man decides to take a short vacation from his job and travel somewhere exotic. So, he books a trip to a small, essentially untouched Pacific island where the native culture is still intact. He has great expectations (no, not the novel by Dickens) for his trip, as he really needs the time off.

 

So, he sets sail on his chartered ship to the island paradise. As the boat is approaching the island, he notices the sound of drums. "How quaint," he thinks, "the natives are engaging in an ancient ritual with drums." He arrives at the island and gets something to eat. All this time, the drums are going. Well, after a few hours, he begins to wonder when the drums are going to stop. So, he asks a native why the drums are going on so long. The native runs away screaming with a terrified look on his face.

 

Thinking he has probably disturbed the sanctity of the native ritual by asking an intrusive question, the man decides to just forget about the drums and enjoy his vacation. But, after another two days of continuous drums, it's really beginning to bother him. So, he asks another native, "When are the drums going to stop?" The native just looks at him. So, he asks, "Why are the drums going on so long?" This native, like the first one, runs away screaming.

 

So, after another two days, the man has had it with drums. He grabs the first native he sees by the neck & demands that he make the drums stop. The native replies "I would rather die than be the one who stops the drums." The man asks him why.

 

Slowly, the native answers…"Because when the drums are over, the banjo solo starts!"

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How can you tell if the stage is level? :unsure:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The banjo player is drooling from BOTH sides of his mouth! :P

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What is the fastest way to tune a banjo?

 

 

Wire cutters.

 

 

 

What's the difference between a banjo and a Harley?

 

You can tune the Harley.

 

 

 

 

...a banjo and a chain saw?

 

You can turn the chain saw off.

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Season and Bag Limits on Banjo Players

 

1. Any persons with a valid hunting license may harvest banjo players.

2. Taking of banjo players with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of banjo players with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead banjo player to the roadside and proceed to the nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest banjo players from snow machine, hay wagon, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "JAM", "BLUEGRASS", or "FREE PIZZA" for the purpose of trapping banjo players.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt banjo players within 100 meters of Jeep or Ford Dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use drugs, cute girls, $100 bills, or banjo PA system sales to attract banjo players.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt banjo players within 200 meters of acoustic music stores, bluegrass club meetings, parking lot picking sessions, pizza parlours, or Radio Shack stores.

9. If a banjo player is appointed to a government position of senior responsibility, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess them.

10. Stuffed or mounted banjo players must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and hoof-and-mouth disease.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, female banjo player, pizza delivery person, talent scout, girl scout, sheep, illegal provider of copyrighted music, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting banjo players.

Bag Limits

 

 

yellow bellied sidewinder 2 reputable banjo players Extinct

 

 

two faced banjo players 1 banjo joke teller 2

 

 

back stabbing frailer 1 brown nose picker 1

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I played guitar in a bluegrass band for years. Here's a couple I've used on stage:

 

 

What do you say to a banjer picker in a three piece suit?

 

Will the Defendant please rise.....

 

 

 

A guitar picker, a mandolin picker and a banjo picker got picked up for disturbin' the piece while on tour down in South America in a 3rd world country. The next mornin', they were told that they would be shot by a firing squad. They're all marched out in front of the wall and offered blindfolds. The officer orders, "Ready, aim...." and the guitar picker points up in the sky, yelling, "Tornado!" When the firing squad looks, he jumps the wall and gets away. The officer then orders, "Ready, aim....." and the mandolin picker points and yells, "Hurricane!" When the firing squad looks, he jumps the wall and gets away. Finally, the officer decides to go ahead shoot the last one left, the banjo picker. "Ready, aim...." and the banjo picker points and yells, "Fire!"

 

 

Why do banjo pickers have a hard time keepin' in time?

 

Can you pick a 5 stringed instrument with 3 fingers and keep in 4/4 time?

 

Regards,

 

Chick

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A guy walks into a music store to buy replacement strings for his banjo.

 

The store is busy so he just walks around a while, looking at instruments and amps etc but the store never seems to get any less busy.

 

Knowing he cant stay much longer without someone from the store getting suspicious about his behavior he works up his nerve and walks to the counter.

 

Summoning up his courage as a salesman walks over shouts at the top of his lungs

 

“I want to buy some condoms!”

 

The salesman looks him up and down then responds

 

“I don’t know if you noticed but this is a music shop not a drug store”

 

The customer looks around sheepishly, leans over to the clerk and whispers

 

“I know, I was just to embarrassed to ask for banjo strings.”

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A banjo player and a mandolin player are sentenced to be shot at sunrise. The guards ask for any last request: the banjo player says, “Get me a banjo so I can play ‘Raw Hide’ one more time just before I die.” The mandolin player says, “Shoot me first!”

 

~:Wylie:~

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A banjo player and a mandolin player are sentenced to be shot at sunrise. The guards ask for any last request: the banjo player says, “Get me a banjo so I can play ‘Raw Hide’ one more time just before I die.” The mandolin player says, “Shoot me first!”

 

~:Wylie:~

 

Wylie, change the "Raw Hide" to "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" and you got yourself a winner! :lol:

 

 

Chick

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Mama always said

 

" A gentleman knows how to play the accordion."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dad always said:

 

"Yeah, but a real gentleman won't".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...or I run out of ammo"

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Perfect pitch; verb, throwing a banjo, a zither, or an autoharp into a dumpster without hitting the sides.. :lol:

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Perfect pitch; verb, throwing a banjo, a zither, or an autoharp into a dumpster without hitting the sides..

 

Nah, the definition of perfect pitch is throwing a banjo into the toilet from across the room without hitting the rim.

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A lady calls the home of her favorite bluegrass band and asks if the banjo player is going to play with them at the concert tonight. "I'm sorry lady the banjo player was killed in a car crash late last night," the mandolin player reports. However, every night she would call and every night she would get the same answer. Finally, the mandolin player says, "What do you want?!? You keep calling and bothering us every night--I told you the banjo player is DEAD!"

"I know your banjo player died," she says, "I just love to hear you say those words..." A soft cackling laugh was heard off in the distance before she hung up the phone...

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A fellow buys a banjo and after about six months decides to get rid of it. Well, nobody will buy it from him so he devises a plan to report it stolen from his VW Minivan and collect the insurance. He drives to one of the most dangerous parts of town, parks the car, locks it up, but leaves a window down with the banjo on the seat. He walks off and comes back in a couple of hours, and looks in the car.

 

 

 

 

 

You guessed it. Two banjos.

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Banjo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Does more repeats than Polititions ........

 

And more re-runs than Star Treck .....

 

 

Jabez Cowboy

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