Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 An Ode to the English Plural We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England . We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship... We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop??? . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EE Taft Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Good Lord, man.......... I just don't know what to say to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubborn Dutchman, SASS # 61363 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 All this brain power in here is beginning to smell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steeldust Dan, SASS #2631Life Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 And how come we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Bob #35998 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Bravo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Inglish iz a phuny langwidge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Roan Hardesty Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why is a round metal object with a hole in its center called a washer ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Tough winter there too, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why is the humerus a funny bone? When you hit it, it ain't a dern bit funny!! Come to think of it, it ain't a dern bit humorous either!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why is the humerus a funny bone? When you hit it, it ain't a dern bit funny!! Come to think of it, it ain't a dern bit humorous either!!! ........... well, ... I thought it was funny ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 my head hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Why do they call them apartments, when they are all stuck together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 All this brain power in here is beginning to smell. I think.....therefore..... My head HURTS !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Mountain Charlie SASS #43172 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 And then there are the FREEWAYS Have you seen the price tag on these things? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 And then there are the FREEWAYS Have you seen the price tag on these things? And they've got the nerve to put TOLL BOOTHS on some of 'em!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ridgetop Rich - SASS#42606 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 bravo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eamon Chute Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 It will all become clear BMC with the liberal and constant application of Bourbon. Honest! Really! Trust me!.......would I lie to you my friend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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