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You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......


Caliope Cupcake #13981

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You Know You're in a Redneck Church if......

 

 

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale"

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.....if half of your male congregation sinks down in the pew when the preacher starts talkin about the evils of beer and liquor.

 

.....if ALL the men in the congregation say 'AMEN' when the preacher speaks on the topic of 'Women being submissive to their husbands'.

 

.....If Tootie Greene is sitting on the front pew during revival services.

 

 

..........Widder

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.....if ALL the men in the congregation say 'AMEN' when the preacher speaks on the topic of 'Women being submissive to their husbands'.

..........Widder

 

And all the women say AMEN when the preacher finishes the passage,

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it:
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Now this here is a church worth going too! (especially if they know that cornbread must be cooked in cast iron greased with bacon drippins')

 

...when the Communion bread is cornbread.

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...when the Communion bread is cornbread.

 

 

and da wine is grape jucie....

 

 

dat big guy in front of ya is called "Bubba" ....:lol:

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and ya go der to met girls.......

 

 

 

 

oh... wait.... dat be da family reunion !!! :lol:

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.....if the handicapped parking spots have been converted to ATV parking spaces. :lol:

 

 

.....if 3 flags are flown outside: The American flag, The Christian flag, and the Stars & Bars.

 

.....if the preacher keeps referring to the 2nd Commandment as the "2nd Amendment".

 

 

..........Widder

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...the communion wine is Boone's Farm

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... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews.

 

... There is a yellow flag on the left side of the pulpit and a checkered flag on the right side.

 

 

JJJ-D

:ph34r::ph34r:

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and da wine is grape jucie....

 

 

dat big guy in front of ya is called "Bubba" ....:lol:

 

 

If the preachers name is Bubba :lol: and is wearing overalls.

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... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews.

 

... There is a yellow flag on the left side of the pulpit and a checkered flag on the right side.

 

 

JJJ-D

:ph34r::ph34r:

 

 

.....AND, the Preacher makes the announcement that services will be over BEFORE noon because the Daytona 500 is starting shortly thereafter.

 

 

..........Widder (don't ask me how I know all these things)

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When the church not only allows CCW but encourages it strongly!

 

When tha pastor has his CCW, and uses it.

 

When tha men in tha church go on hunting retreats.

 

Tha church has game dinners. Game, as in deer, and such.

 

Tha church dunt nede to hire someone to plow tha parkn lot, cuz sumone always has a new truck and plow thay wunt tu tri out.

 

When it's taim to mow evurwun brangs thar tracturs, paints a course with a startin line. Tha ladies brang fude and thay make an event of et.

 

On super bowl sunday, tha preacher kepes it short, an rite aftur tha invitation the beeg screen comes out.

 

Tha pulpit has nascar stickurs awn et.

 

 

cheyenne, just forgivun, not purfect, Culpepper

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...when Rock of Ages and How Great Thou Art is all they knows

 

...when they mow the lawn with Clem's tractor, which they do religiously every 4th of July

 

...when Minnie Pearl's picture is right up there by Jesus

 

...when communion is prep get a big ole bar b que right after services

 

...when the ladies hats r fancier 'n their dresses, but not near ad fancy ad their quilts

 

...when the floor creeks ad much as the roof leaks.

 

...and when folks is as happy as kittens in a crib.

 

Aunt Jen

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When the collection plate comes by someone asks them to hold their Beer while I get my wallet out.

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When the Nativity scene has the 3 Wise men wearing Fireman's helmets because they had "Come from a Far"

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When the church not only allows CCW but encourages it strongly!

 

When tha pastor has his CCW, and uses it.

 

When tha men in tha church go on hunting retreats.

 

Tha church has game dinners. Game, as in deer, and such.

 

Tha church dunt nede to hire someone to plow tha parkn lot, cuz sumone always has a new truck and plow thay wunt tu tri out.

 

When it's taim to mow evurwun brangs thar tracturs, paints a course with a startin line. Tha ladies brang fude and thay make an event of et.

 

On super bowl sunday, tha preacher kepes it short, an rite aftur tha invitation the beeg screen comes out.

 

Tha pulpit has nascar stickurs awn et.

 

 

cheyenne, just forgivun, not purfect, Culpepper

Well Cheyenne I just have to respond to this one.

Except for the Big screen TV you mentioned and the Nascar stickers on the Pulpit, it appears to me you are talking about my Church. Guess I must Pastor a Redneck Church then.Heee Heeee Yep, an you all are welcome any Sunday........10:30 A.M. Eastern time.See ya then,

 

Blood Washed (who went over this morning 10 minutes, but will on occassion speak less to make up for that,...specially during huntin seasons. HeeHee!!!

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... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews.

 

JJJ-D

:ph34r::ph34r:

+1

Been to church where they passed along a spittoon after passing the offering plate.

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...when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

 

...the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.

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...when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

 

...the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.

 

 

Maybe hubcabs from a 56 dodge or such, from a 56 chevy, thay wud nevr make it awl tha way around.

 

cc

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mebe a Ford :lol:

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Well Cheyenne I just have to respond to this one.

Except for the Big screen TV you mentioned and the Nascar stickers on the Pulpit, it appears to me you are talking about my Church. Guess I must Pastor a Redneck Church then.Heee Heeee Yep, an you all are welcome any Sunday........10:30 A.M. Eastern time.See ya then,

 

Blood Washed (who went over this morning 10 minutes, but will on occassion speak less to make up for that,...specially during huntin seasons. HeeHee!!!

one church I attended had a big as in more than 2 feet across) clock where the preacher had to see it as it was over the entry behind us... there was a large red arc covering 5 min to let him know when he better end the sermon and if he was still preaching at the end of those 5 min then the music would start for the last hymn just like oscar night :rolleyes:

 

Cheers

Windy

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- The preacher talks about The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit and the congregation thinks he's talking about Dale, Dale Jr and moonshine.

 

- The preacher mentions Billy Graham and everyone thinks of the wrestler.

 

- The church recreation hall has a built in beer keg refrigerator and tap.

 

- All weddings performed at the church involve shotguns.

 

- Instead of a choir, they have a coin operated juke box graciously donated by the local Waffle House.

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you got waffles?? :unsure:

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...... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

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