Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 .....if half of your male congregation sinks down in the pew when the preacher starts talkin about the evils of beer and liquor. .....if ALL the men in the congregation say 'AMEN' when the preacher speaks on the topic of 'Women being submissive to their husbands'. .....If Tootie Greene is sitting on the front pew during revival services. ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 .....if ALL the men in the congregation say 'AMEN' when the preacher speaks on the topic of 'Women being submissive to their husbands'. ..........Widder And all the women say AMEN when the preacher finishes the passage, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steeldust Dan, SASS #2631Life Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...when the Communion bread is cornbread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Cord Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Now this here is a church worth going too! (especially if they know that cornbread must be cooked in cast iron greased with bacon drippins') ...when the Communion bread is cornbread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steeldust Dan, SASS #2631Life Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Now this here is a church worth going too! (especially if they know that cornbread must be cooked in cast iron greased with bacon drippins') AMEN!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...when the Communion bread is cornbread. and da wine is grape jucie.... dat big guy in front of ya is called "Bubba" .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 and ya go der to met girls....... oh... wait.... dat be da family reunion !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 .....if the handicapped parking spots have been converted to ATV parking spaces. .....if 3 flags are flown outside: The American flag, The Christian flag, and the Stars & Bars. .....if the preacher keeps referring to the 2nd Commandment as the "2nd Amendment". ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steeldust Dan, SASS #2631Life Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...when Communion elements consist of beer and pretzels. (I appear to be on a Communion theme tonight.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...the communion wine is Boone's Farm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tucson Jim Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When somebody hauls out a box of snakes . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horace Patootie, SASS #35798 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 The collection plate has more than one lottery ticket in it. Horace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jittery Jim Jonah, SASS #64913L Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews. ... There is a yellow flag on the left side of the pulpit and a checkered flag on the right side. JJJ-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Willy Dunkum, SASS # 61027 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...if everyone is wearing bib overalls and camos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cope Daniels Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 and da wine is grape jucie.... dat big guy in front of ya is called "Bubba" .... If the preachers name is Bubba and is wearing overalls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When somebody hauls out a box of snakes . .....AND three visitors on the back row from Alabama whip out .45 Autos and start saying: "NO WAY"! ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews. ... There is a yellow flag on the left side of the pulpit and a checkered flag on the right side. JJJ-D .....AND, the Preacher makes the announcement that services will be over BEFORE noon because the Daytona 500 is starting shortly thereafter. ..........Widder (don't ask me how I know all these things) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheyenne Culpepper 32827 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When the church not only allows CCW but encourages it strongly! When tha pastor has his CCW, and uses it. When tha men in tha church go on hunting retreats. Tha church has game dinners. Game, as in deer, and such. Tha church dunt nede to hire someone to plow tha parkn lot, cuz sumone always has a new truck and plow thay wunt tu tri out. When it's taim to mow evurwun brangs thar tracturs, paints a course with a startin line. Tha ladies brang fude and thay make an event of et. On super bowl sunday, tha preacher kepes it short, an rite aftur tha invitation the beeg screen comes out. Tha pulpit has nascar stickurs awn et. cheyenne, just forgivun, not purfect, Culpepper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Jen Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ...when Rock of Ages and How Great Thou Art is all they knows ...when they mow the lawn with Clem's tractor, which they do religiously every 4th of July ...when Minnie Pearl's picture is right up there by Jesus ...when communion is prep get a big ole bar b que right after services ...when the ladies hats r fancier 'n their dresses, but not near ad fancy ad their quilts ...when the floor creeks ad much as the roof leaks. ...and when folks is as happy as kittens in a crib. Aunt Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major E A Sterner #12916 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When the collection plate comes by someone asks them to hold their Beer while I get my wallet out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major E A Sterner #12916 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When the Nativity scene has the 3 Wise men wearing Fireman's helmets because they had "Come from a Far" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Washed SASS #79269 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 When the church not only allows CCW but encourages it strongly! When tha pastor has his CCW, and uses it. When tha men in tha church go on hunting retreats. Tha church has game dinners. Game, as in deer, and such. Tha church dunt nede to hire someone to plow tha parkn lot, cuz sumone always has a new truck and plow thay wunt tu tri out. When it's taim to mow evurwun brangs thar tracturs, paints a course with a startin line. Tha ladies brang fude and thay make an event of et. On super bowl sunday, tha preacher kepes it short, an rite aftur tha invitation the beeg screen comes out. Tha pulpit has nascar stickurs awn et. cheyenne, just forgivun, not purfect, Culpepper Well Cheyenne I just have to respond to this one. Except for the Big screen TV you mentioned and the Nascar stickers on the Pulpit, it appears to me you are talking about my Church. Guess I must Pastor a Redneck Church then.Heee Heeee Yep, an you all are welcome any Sunday........10:30 A.M. Eastern time.See ya then, Blood Washed (who went over this morning 10 minutes, but will on occassion speak less to make up for that,...specially during huntin seasons. HeeHee!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Tooth Zach Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 ... There is a spittoon at each end of every row of pews. JJJ-D +1 Been to church where they passed along a spittoon after passing the offering plate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 ...when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up. ...the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheyenne Culpepper 32827 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 ...when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up. ...the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy. Maybe hubcabs from a 56 dodge or such, from a 56 chevy, thay wud nevr make it awl tha way around. cc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 mebe a Ford Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGT. QUINCANNON, SASS #32999 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 When they baptize new converts at the ole swimmin' hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Washed SASS #79269 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 When they baptize new converts at the ole swimmin' hole. Yep, We do that too! Blood Washed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Windshadow Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Well Cheyenne I just have to respond to this one. Except for the Big screen TV you mentioned and the Nascar stickers on the Pulpit, it appears to me you are talking about my Church. Guess I must Pastor a Redneck Church then.Heee Heeee Yep, an you all are welcome any Sunday........10:30 A.M. Eastern time.See ya then, Blood Washed (who went over this morning 10 minutes, but will on occassion speak less to make up for that,...specially during huntin seasons. HeeHee!!! one church I attended had a big as in more than 2 feet across) clock where the preacher had to see it as it was over the entry behind us... there was a large red arc covering 5 min to let him know when he better end the sermon and if he was still preaching at the end of those 5 min then the music would start for the last hymn just like oscar night Cheers Windy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crooked jake,4371 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 ......if there's a cross on the top of the church Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buck D. Law, SASS #62183 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 When the prayer is closed with, "In the name of Dale, Dale Jr. and the Holy Ghost, Amen." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cypress Sun Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 - The preacher talks about The Father, Son and The Holy Spirit and the congregation thinks he's talking about Dale, Dale Jr and moonshine. - The preacher mentions Billy Graham and everyone thinks of the wrestler. - The church recreation hall has a built in beer keg refrigerator and tap. - All weddings performed at the church involve shotguns. - Instead of a choir, they have a coin operated juke box graciously donated by the local Waffle House. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 you got waffles?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliope Cupcake #13981 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 ...... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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