Boon Doggle Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Did not want to pollute another thread and possibly offend someone. 1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". 7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear". God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okie Sawbones, SASS #77381 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Wildcat sends her thanks -- she said she needed a good chuckle tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabez Cowboy,SASS # 50129 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Ya knows Ya's in A redneck Church if ,,,, Da Pastor can resite fer memory the load he uses in His 30-06, .38 special, .44-40, .45 Colt and .50 BMG......... But can't tell Ya his daughter's birthdate in November ..... Jabez Cowboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Steel Duke Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub. Ain't never been to a cowboy church have ya! BSD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buck D. Law, SASS #62183 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Boon Doggle, I always get a kick out of your humor. This reminds of a few years back when a lady came into my office and wanted to know if we could print high school graduation invitations for her son. I told her yes, but they would not be exactly like the ones ordered at the school. She said she understood, but it was too late to order those. As I'm showing her the invitations available, in an effort to make conversation, I asked, "Did your son forget to tell you it was time to order graduation invitations?" She looked up from the invitations and, with a dead serious look on her face said, "No, we didn't order any invitations because the truth is, we didn't expect Bubba to be able to graduate." Inside, I nearly fell out, but all that Bubba's momma saw was a cordial smile. Man, it was tough to stay straight-faced. I remember thinking the poor boy didn't have a chance with everyone calling him Bubba, but now that I think about that, my little sister calls me Bubby. Hey, wait a minute! This is not funny anymore! Buck D. Law (who grew up sitting on pews made of 2' x 4's and used multi-hole outhouses at church) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 ...and all of God's people said...."Amen" GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Boon Doggle, I always get a kick out of your humor. This reminds of a few years back when a lady came into my office and wanted to know if we could print high school graduation invitations for her son. I told her yes, but they would not be exactly like the ones ordered at the school. She said she understood, but it was too late to order those. As I'm showing her the invitations available, in an effort to make conversation, I asked, "Did your son forget to tell you it was time to order graduations?" She looks up from the invitations and, with a dead serious look on her face, said, "No, we didn't order any invitations because the truth is we didn't expect Bubba to be able to graduate." Inside, I nearly fell out, but all that Bubba's momma saw was a cordial smile. Man, it was tough to stay straight-faced. I remember thinking the poor boy didn't have a chance with his everyone calling him Bubba, but now that I think about that, my little sister calls me Bubby. Hey, wait a minute! This is not funny anymore! Buck D. Law (who grew up sitting on pews made of 2' x 4's and used multi-hole outhouses at church) Buck, my son is called Bubba, has been since he was a baby, not his given name mind you, but that's what he's called. Of course right now he's in a goth phase, long dyed black hair, black clothes, kind don't fit the picture of a Bubba. Early in school teachers insisted on calling my by his given name (Louis, family name, he's the 5th), eventually they gave him a choice and he chose Bubba. Grizz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widder, SASS #59054 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 You know your in a Red Neck Church when: 1. The Sunday morning services are intensionally cut short because the Daytona 500 starts at noon. 2. Sunday nite services are cancelled because WestleMania is being held at the coliseum on the other side of town.....and one of your Deacons is a refereeeeeeeee! ..........Widder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe LaFives #5481 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 May the good Lord take a liken to ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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