Mean Matt McCord, SASS #24683 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out, "Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone, too!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunner Gatlin, SASS 10274L Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out, "Holy crap! My girlfriend's gone, too!" oh my...she must've be hangin' off the other key!! GG ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Now dat has to be one more drunk !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Honest Ossifer, I'm not so think as you drunk I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 The sitter I drunk here, the longer I git! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Harris #154 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Starkle, starkle little twink How the hell you are I think I am not under the outfluence of inkelhaul As some thinkle peep I am BH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spooky Joe, SASS #24061 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Keep in mind that reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle alcohol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShadowCatcher Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Even if I am under the alcafluence of incahol, I'm not as thunk as people drink I am. I've only had tee martoonies and I've got all day sober to Sunday up on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanish Bit Bobb Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 This guy who stutters badly, walks into a Bar, and says, "Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer". The Bartender, who is badly Humpbacked, serves him a beer and says, " That will be $2.50 please!" The guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price, that's what we get!". The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, " Sssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease! The Bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says, "That will be $5.00 please!". The guy says" Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price, that's what we get!". The guy pays him, drinks his whiskey and, before leaving he says" Bbbartender tthanks for nnott mmmaking fffun of my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere!" The bartender said, "Oh that's OK! I want to thank you for not making fun of my humpback while you were here." The guy says "Oh ttthat's OK, eeverything else in tthis ppplace wwas so hhhigh...I ttthougt it wwas yyour ASS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiskey Business Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected; A half-gallon 2 % milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce A 2 lb. bag of coffee, And 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel John Hays, SASS #29625 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected; A half-gallon 2 % milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce A 2 lb. bag of coffee, And 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly." HEY........... I think I know them two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whiskey Business Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 HEY........... I think I know them two Just give him another drink, and she'll be purdy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rio Grande Slim Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I ain't got a drinking problem I drink, I get drunk, I fall down No problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Injun Ryder, SASS #36201L Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I know this has been in the Saloon (ACS) before, but I believe this topic warrants a "repeat" of it! Drunk Cowboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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