Yellowhouse Sam # 25171 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Things to Wonder About Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt." Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does an OB-GYN leave the room when the patient gets undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . . Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your a$$? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? If earth is warming, why am I in Oklahoma and freezing my butt off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Things to Wonder About Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" When they saw a calf sucking on them they had figure something good was coming out. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt." They probably saw that the foxes and coyotes liked to eat the eggs, so gave it a try Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Because the designer of the toaster hold the patent on smoke alarms (ok, I made that up) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Both have lights on mine. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? The songwriter had deep psychological issues If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Because he wanted lots of time to win over Maryanne Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Some people do... Why does an OB-GYN leave the room when the patient gets undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? They use the time to go play online poker Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Are they? What do you call male ballerinas? A male ballerina If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Testosterone shots and steroids had eaten his brain by then If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Well duh If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? Petroleum products, but really young ones If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? No Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? No, there is also Disney Land, Euro Disney, and possibly other Disneys Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? To make playing them easier for kindergarten teachers Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . . Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? I have no idea, ask one and let me know Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your a$$? Do I look like a proctologist astronomer? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? What do dogs know, they lick their own behinds Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? No, but it gives you something to do to annoy those around you If earth is warming, why am I in Oklahoma and freezing my butt off? Well now, I think we found where morons come from... (just kidding) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grizzly Dave Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I can't believe I just went thru that whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowhouse Sam # 25171 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 And thats the final word from our news analyst Grizzly Dave!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Jack, SASS #44062 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Dave, ..... ya missed tha "Stop singin'" line ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Is Taco Bell the Mexican Phone company? Why do we park in our driveways and drive on our parkways? Why do we call them apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'? If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? Why call it a building if it's already been built? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet? If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn? What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Is there another word for thesaurus? Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? How can there be self-help "groups"? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach? It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one? What do they pack Styrofoam in? Why did God give men nipples? Is grass really greener on the other side? Do boxer shorts box? Why do women wear a pair of panties and only one bra? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something? When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs? Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea? If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated? If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables? If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better? Why is abbreviated such a long word? If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to? Why is there an 's' in lisp? If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose? If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cope Daniels Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I like Gallagherisms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Cherokee, SASS#48332 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Is Taco Bell the Mexican Phone company? Why do we park in our driveways and drive on our parkways? Why do we call them apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'? If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with? Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? Why call it a building if it's already been built? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet? If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn? What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Do blind Eskimos heave seeing-eye sled dogs? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Is there another word for thesaurus? Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? How can there be self-help "groups"? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach? It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one? What do they pack Styrofoam in? Why did God give men nipples? Is grass really greener on the other side? Do boxer shorts box? Why do women wear a pair of panties and only one bra? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something? When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs? Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea? If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated? If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables? If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better? Why is abbreviated such a long word? If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to? Why is there an 's' in lisp? If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose? If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number? "If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're probably upside down." - Joe Walsh That's one reason I like to drive a Dodge..If they won't pay attention to my horn, and can't read..Well then, I figger I'm just cleanin' up the gene pool. AND.. Why do they call them "Jumbo shrimp"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Dan Dawkins Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Here's one: I installed power for a business' sign the other day. It read "Liberty Tax." I mean, who named this? Wheres the correlation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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