Boon Doggle Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'. 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'. 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Quote
Capt Stephen D Hill, SASS #56151 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) +1 Edited January 27, 2011 by Capt Stephen D Hill, SASS #56151 Quote
Mack Hacker, #60477 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 18 You think taking out the trash means taking the in-laws to Dairy Queen. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 19. You got mad when S&H Green stamps were discontinued. They worked great for covering up the bullet holes in the walls and ceiling. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 20. You never could understand the concept of power windows. Couldn't find a new use for the four vise grips. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 21. You were under the impression that the term, "four on the floor", meant something else. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 22. The pin ups on your bedroom walls came from the Farmers' Weekly Digest. Quote
Long Branch Louie Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 23. There's no law in your state against having sex with livestock... Quote
Chickahominy Charlie Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 24. You or your relatives have ever opened a beer in church. 25. You have a bathroom fixture containing flowers in your front yard. Quote
Blastmaster Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 No 26.-- you still own your 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th & 5th..... car.. All of them are in the front yard on cinder blocks. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 27. When you yell, GO FETCH, the dog doesn't move off the porch but your cousin, eh your sister, eh your wife, brings you another beer. Quote
Ranger Sgt. Jake McCandless #3368 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) 28 You are a member in good standing of The IFR Posse. Adios Sgt. Jake Edited January 27, 2011 by Ranger Sgt. Jake McCandless #3368 Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 29. A drink "straight up" means right out of the bottle where as a drink "neat" means you didn't spill any, this time. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) 30. The bathroom remodel using the port-a-potty has made you the envy of the entire township. Edited January 27, 2011 by Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 31. You just finished installing the same Chevy smallblock in your fifth Ford. Quote
Chas B. Wolfson, SASS #11104 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 32. Upon completing the complete home makeover, you learn that peel and stick tiles are NOT made to be put on walls. Quote
Tabaquero Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 33. You mow your lawn and find your pickup truck. Quote
BrimstoneJerome Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) 34. You got to social gatherings and introduce you wife and your cousin and there is only one person standing there. 35. Your best pick up line is hey nice tooth. Edited January 27, 2011 by BrimstoneJerome Quote
Shynee Graves, SASS #19,614 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) 36. Your bridal registary included the local Hi-Lo auto parts store! Edited January 27, 2011 by Shynee Graves, SASS #19,614 Quote
Red Headed Stranger SASS# 14282 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 37 .... Going to WalMart entails getting dressed in you sunday goin' to meetin' cammos. Quote
Brother King, SASS #69031 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 38. Your richest relative buys a new home and you have to spend the weekend helping him take the wheels off of it. Quote
Jackson Rose, SASS #45478 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs. Quote
Shynee Graves, SASS #19,614 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 40.Your idea of a romantic evening is you and the misses wearing matching "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts at the tractor pull Quote
Blastmaster Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 41. All your cloths are made of either: Spandex or Camoflage Quote
Olen Rugged Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 42. You consider possum fresh if you got the licence number of the truck... Quote
Jimmy Reb, SASS #54804 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Do they make cammo spandex?????????? Quote
Adirondack Jack, SASS #53440 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Adding indoor plumbing to yer cabin means a hole drilled in the floor, and using the same funnel and hose you use to add tranny fluid to the car.... Quote
Mean Matt McCord, SASS #24683 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 44. Your mother refuses to snatch the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her a**. Quote
Guest Rio Grande Slim Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 The Fact that so many people could add at least one more line to this thread is proof positive that Us rednecks out number the rest of you'ns. and on that note. If your the dog passes gas and you claim it. If you and your dog both use the tree at the end of the street. If yoiur idea of a quick hunt is hitting a deer with your car. If you got a head ack after stareing at a can of orange juice for an hour cause the label said "Concintrate" If you thing Mutual Funds means everyone is having a good time. if your working tv sits on top of your non working tv. Gitter Done Quote
Carolina Cowboy Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Do they make cammo spandex?????????? Here you go, for your favorite girl http://www.bizrate.com/camo-spandex-pants/ Quote
Brother King, SASS #69031 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Do they make cammo spandex?????????? people of walmart Edited January 27, 2011 by Brother King, SASS #69031 Quote
Adirondack Jack, SASS #53440 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 -----if your working tv sits on top of your non working tv. Gitter Done Done it! Back when the "big TV" was furniture, and the little TV needed a stand anyway. (besides, the trash men wouldn't take a big TV). When ya have to push aside carburator parts to eat dinner at the table, you might be a redneck. (yup, fond memories of growin up) If, as a kid, ya ever had to reach and snatch the lit cigarette outta yer step-mother's mouth because she's smoking while cleaning carburator parts in a dishpan of gasoline, and she got mad when ya did, proclaiming "fer cryin out loud, it's only gas", ya might be a redneck.... (been there too) Quote
Spooky Joe, SASS #24061 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 If your Buck knife has ever been referred to as "Exhibit A". Quote
Shynee Graves, SASS #19,614 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Jeez I've lost count: If your deer stand is better furnished than your livingroom! If your bought your wedding dress with green stamps. If you make change in the collection plate at church to buy a scratch-off on the way home. Quote
Cypress Sun Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 You think a tractor/trailer and a semi are two completly different things. Quote
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