Red Logan #12252 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 - A Polite Way to Call Someone a Bast&$d - A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdeacon Joe Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 oooooo...... I've known a few priests like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyrus Cassidy #45437 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 When I was a kid my old man was a member of the Vietnam Veterans Association. They had a family picnic one time, and we all went. The unit's chaplain was an Episcopalian priest who was also a veteran of WW2, Korea, and Vietnam (was a Field Artillery officer before he was ordained). The priest, "Father Bill," showed up about a half hour late for the picnic and one of the guys jokingly shouted out, "Hey, Father Bill, you have KP for being late!" Without skipping a beat, Father Bill showed his middle finger and retorted, "Bless you!" Coolest Priest Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apache Hawk 60642 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Ohhhhhhhhh....... Now dats a very good way to handle it !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdgun Quail, SASS #63663 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Here in the South, it's when someone says to you (generally after you've done something dumb or said something inappropriate) "Well, bless your heart." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forty Rod SASS 3935 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I worked on a high school campus for a couple of years and one day I caught a stray dog. As I was leading her across campus until the local shelter could pick her up a kid called out asking if she was my girlfriend. I said "Yeah, she is. We're getting married this weekend and I'll be your new step dad." Everyone laughed. A week later the same kid walked over and said I'd called him a SOB. I told him I'd never say such a thing to a student and that his mom wanted him back at the kennel before supper time. He got laughed at again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GunClick Rick Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 And the priest says to his congregation as he walked up to the podium. "good mornin to yas all this lovely sunday" I'll be askin ya one thing though, those of ya that wants to go to heaven please rise and be counted,and all the people rose. "Now all of yas that be wantin to burn in eternity rise"and to his surprise one ole gentleman rose.The preist says,Mr. McClarity,are you sure it's hell ye be wantin to go"??? To which the old man answered"No parson,i just hated ta see ya standin there all by yerself~~~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowhouse Sam # 25171 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Here in the South, it's when someone says to you (generally after you've done something dumb or said something inappropriate) "Well, bless your heart." And when the ladies reply with a curt "Thats Nice!"....they don't have a very good opinion of you or your actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackwater 53393 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 My dad was a life long LEO, beginning as a Warrant Officer JG entering Korea. When I was a kid he encountered a minister who was, shall we say, less than devout. The preacher had been drinking and let loose with a string of expletives. My old man stood there and absorbed the abuse with style then replied, "Preacher, you're a man of the cloth and in your presence I can't use that kind of language. When you're released in the mornin' and you go home, I hope your mamma comes out from under your porch and bites you!" I don't know if he was the first to use that reply but his partner on patrol told me about it years later and he still laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes. My other encounter was as a counter clerk for a radio repair shop. The guy I worked for was a pirate and regularly overcharged certain customers. A nice old preacher who was convinced he was overcharged asked to see the owner. When the man came out the preacher showed him eight fingers with his palms turned toward himself. He asked the owner if he knew what that meant. He then gave the international symbol of disdain, (the one finger salute)and said "That's a whole flock of these!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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