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Rotten things to do.


Deja Vous

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Foil Ketchup packs under the tabs on a toilet seat is always good, when the patsy sits down they splatter in the bowl and the poor bastard thinks he blew a roid

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There was a widely disliked English teacher in high school. I helped work on him a lot. The school's main building. was an 1890s sandstone structure three stories high with a basement. The doors were almost 8' tall with frosted glass panels and a transom above. The windows all tilted out at the top for ventilation. The floors were hardwood and sloped from back down to the black board.

 

We pulled the hinge pins out of his door and watched him fight to sty alive when he unlocked it for the first class of the day and it fell on him.

 

We put liquid solder in the key hole and heated it with a soldering iron.

 

We put honey on his chair and watched him sit in it all day rather than admit that we got him.

 

We rolled BBs down the floors.

 

We rigged fishing line to the window latches and the window fell open at strange times.

 

We put fishing line loops on books in the little "library shelf" and books flew off the shelves.

 

We jammed the talk switch on the intercom so the office heard ever word spoken until the janitor came and disconnected it.

 

We put wood wedges under the door when he was in the room alone so he couldn't get out.

 

He lasted one year. His wife taught a third grade in a school where my Mom was the first grade teacher. Mom said the woman was so hated that parents finally went to the principal and school board and got her replaced at spring break.

 

Never saw either one after I graduated.

 

 

Other than than one man and that one year I wasn't in to practical jokes much. Well......once in a while, but not often.

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My favorite pranks involve fake memos on April Fools Day. They key to this prank is to make the memo very official looking and to instruct the recipient to do something that seems plausible but out of the ordinary. The memo should have detailed instructions and be fairly lengthy. It must, however, include an April Fools message as the last paragraph to be a humorous prank. Otherwise, it's just a mean stunt and the humor can get lost in a hurry. The fun is to getting as many people as possible to do the task in a public fashion because they didn't read the note thoroughly. Then you get to see their reaction as other people point out that it's a joke and they'd been had! :)

 

For the first such prank I was working at a small company of sixty employees. Payday happened to fall on April Fools Day so I distributed an official looking memo that said that the payroll computer had crashed with everyone's time sheet submittals for the last month. Until everyone in the entire company re-submitted all their time sheets for the last month (we got paid monthly), nobody would get paid. Even if all time sheets were submitted by day's end, it would take a week to update records and issue the paychecks. You should have seen the frenzy as people scrambled to cover the bills they'd paid by checks that were mailed that morning.

 

The second stunt occurred at a much larger office of about 500 people. The company's main photocopy machine had just received some major repair service, so the setup on the memo was that the repair man had noted too many people had been using the machine for personal use. To prevent personal use, anyone making copies from now on would have to log the number of copies on a special report form (which I created and attached to the memo) that had to be signed and then submitted in person to the company's chief financial officer. (After all, breaking the company's Xerox machine was serious business! :ph34r: )

 

To verify that the forms were accurate, there was a section where the person was to enter the beginning and ending values from a sheet counter that had been installed on the machine for just such a purpose. If the cover plate of the counter was not open, the person had to go see the company president to get the key to access the counter. (Again, the company was taking Xerox machine abuse very seriously. And there wasn't really a sheet counter. This was a ruse to get people to go to the executive wing and see the president who happend to be a friend of mine.)

 

The memo's last paragraph said that if the company president could not be found, the person was to contact Willy the janitor to get a hammer to smash the cover off the counter so proper entries could be made on the form. This was the final clue that the memo was fake, followed by a small "April Fools".

 

Dozens of forms got turned in to the CFO that morning and three people actually went to the president's office to get the key! ;) I was good friends with both men and we laughed so hard that day!

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I've never really considered practical jokes either practical or funny.

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Deja, this person you're wanting to get even with, this oughtta work.

 

Put an ad in the yard sale column of the newspaper with his/her address and the wording:

 

"Giant ALL INDOOR Yard Sale. 7:00 AM"

 

 

and of course the date of the Saturday morning you want to ruin for him/her.

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I paid to have an obituary placed in the Chicago papers for a friend that loved to read the obits..

 

I am such an a$$hole........

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K.. so please keep the ideas coming.. I have a reason for asking this... someone signed me up to a single site and I am getting buried in emails.. lol... and I am going to pay him back if it the last thing I ever do.. lol.. He is a good friend living in Co that I recently have heard from a few times.. I just know he did this.. lol.. It is so his style.. so How am I going to pay him back? I admit the first one I opened I had tears in my eyes from laughing.. he so knows I would not do this.. lol.. Geesh.. so... I need paybacks here please.. lol

[/quot

 

Here's one for you, kind of a reply in kind.

 

Put an add in his local personals, either the paper or on Craigslist

 

Man looking for another man for occasional get togethers, must be into leather, spankings and crossdressing

 

Put in your friends e-mail in the applicable spot.

 

And then repeat at odd intervals over the next several months

 

Or you get can get him on various mailing lists of companies that specialize in "adult" products or adult novelties.

 

The internet is your friend! :D

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When I was very young, I helped 2 fellers load a bear dat dey shot . it was killin' der cattle.

 

 

We put it in der Chevy Metro and drove down da dirt road.

 

 

Bout when dey hit 30 mph, I heard screams and saw dem 2 doors fly open and da 2 fellers bell out !!

 

 

Laugh so hard, I pieed in my pants !!:lol:

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Example of my new emails.. lol.. This is just the top part.. gosh do you think this is from India or someplace...lol.. I am going to get even.. lol WTH is new years in advance.. lol... Geesh... Okay, I admit I am laughing until I am weak.. It has been a long time since I had a good prank played on me like this.. lol..

 

Hi wishing you new yrs in advance i'm Allen nice to met you and would care to know each other better,i’m an (Rct.Arct)Recreation Architect,am an open minded as one lady man,and chooses to pamper my love one till enternity,i believe that God brings me here for you and i to met,No matter your distance is and where you are,yes we could work things and get to met face to face,i lost my late wife through a breast cancer,year after!.My only two belove kids drove for a picnic,i was away for work,unfortunately i lost both terribly,(accident) except of my granddaughtr at the roadtreeside well is past,lost my both parent years back,As 6years back the woman i thought will occupy my heart happens to be something else and break my heart&love i’ve for her.is a woman which i gave all my heart and prepare all for,but fortunatly i do not go to bed or had fun with her at all,am glad for that alone!....right since yrs back,have been alone,looking for my true love,a woman to feel up my heart am highly interested to know you better..!when i saw you i felt

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Tame???? Really??? lol... in the eyes of the doer?? lol. That is pretty nutty you know that? How many hours did you spend on the wall.. that would pretty much point out to us how tame it is.. lol And then you went the extra mile.. the secretary.. lol.. Not tame..sorry, but not tame.. loll I can't see the new photo wt uh.. h.. is it? lol.. You and trees? you and a umbrella? lol

The avatar is a pic of our fearful leader telling me I am #1... :blink:

 

JJJ-D

:ph34r::ph34r:

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Well....

 

There was that incident with the mouse in the dude's sandwich... :)

A mouse.. lol.. Oh my gosh.. really?? I have to know the story.. Please???????????????

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Mine seem pretty tame by comparison.

 

Back when I lived in a condo, we had numbered parking spaces. Mine was 813 (same as unit #). Yuppie moved into 814 had a BMW. He parked in my space. I knocked on his door and asked him to move it. He was irritated but complied so I could put my pos car there. Next time he misparked he had his tires on the white line. I supposed that he wanted to argue about whether or not he was in his space. I parked my Subaru Sidekick so close to his Beemer that he couldn't back out without his mirror hitting my mirror, which would have done megabucks damage to the beemer. I was 100% between the lines. I slept in as late as possible the next day. He never misparked again.

 

I had another neighbor who would have their guests park anywhere and all leave for the day. I released the parking brake on the convertible that was in my space and put it in neutral. It rolled out and blocked the whole drive through.

 

lol... now that is much more than I ever expected you would do.. lol rotfl...

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W-A-Y back in Albuq., NM, I was divorced but my best friend was married and his wife was VERY jealous! I was in the Caravan (bar and dance hall) and walked up to a table of 5 good looking girls. I asked one to dance, she accepted and while dancing she said she couldn't get tickets to the rodeo that week. I told her I knew where to get free tickets and to call me tomorrow morning and I woud set up free tickets for all of them. I told her I was Bob ****** and gave her my phone number ( My friends home number) and told her to call me. I also told her if my secretary answered just mention that you met me and we spent a wonderful day together and dont take any guff from her......................... :)

The next day about 10:30 AM I got a very angry call and was told in no uncertain terms to come to his house and tell his wife it was a joke,which I promptly did since he could shoot as well as I could.

To this day Bob still doesn't laugh about that!!! Absolutely no sense of humor!! :ph34r:

Tascosa

Well ya know Jealous is a Jeaous does, huh? lol.. That is too funny...

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Actually the best one I ever dreamed up was never pulled off because I couldn't get anyone to help me pull it off. The neighborhood I lived in in the Chicago Suburbs was a mix of working class Polish and Italians. In the early 60's when central air conditioning was a rare thing in any house the folks would sit on their front porches in the evening after work and cool off. My diabolical plan was to do a fake drive by. Have one guy walking down the street with a sport coat on over a white shirt smeared with katsup. Car drives down the street slowly pulls up along side of him and a double barreled shotgun appears. Two shotgun blasts (blanks aimed well away from the "victum"), he throws open his coat and falls to the ground. Several guys pile out of the car drag the "body" in and speed off. My chicken s**t buddies just wouldn't go along with this one.

 

Bugs

Oh my gosh.. Bugs we would have been bonnie and clyde.. lol.. that would be right up my alley.. lol

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I would NOT recomend anyone doing either of these, but in each instance it was a case of well deserved revenge.

 

I had just had a little hot rod painted and drove it to work. The parking lot was gravel and one of the guys I worked with traced WASH ME in the resulting dust that settled on the new paint on the hood of the car. I found out who did it and demanded that he polish out the damage which he refused to do. There was a house adjoining the parking lot and one morning a few days later I put the garden hose in his slightly opened car window, turned on the water, and went in to work. Country Squire Fishtank!!

 

A similar incident with my pride and joy old Harley resulted in this one. Most cell phone services have an auto assist feature included that includes free towing for a limited distance. I called my auto assist and had the culprit's car towed to a garage owned by a friend of mine. Then I had the garage owner call the guy and tell him his car was ready and the bill was several hundred dollars. He doesn't mess with peoples vehicles any more. Finally told him a couple of months later.

 

Tool box drawers full of styrofoam peanuts are for those who pull off good natured pranks. :)

 

I ocasionally slip a black powder or sparkler shotgun shell in a friends belt at a local match. :ph34r:

 

And yeah, I do have a sense of humor when it doesn't involve very expensive paint jobs and the like. ;)

 

Ah.. hands down so far you wind on crazy silly.. lol

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A pair of panties, bra, and maybe a condom stashed in buddies glove compartment can have elicit sometimes permanent separations. Wives don't think its funny and its really hard to explain. They really don't believe you when you're coerced to come confess to her that you did it.

 

Back when car hoods could be opened by anyone, a dead armadillo laid on top of romeo's engine manifold worked wonders.

 

My all time fun raiser in college involved products from joke/prank stores in the form of artifical farts. This stuff would peel paint and permeate everything around. And you could buy a small bottle of the liquid itself. Capillary tubes like used in most laboratories are a perfect delivery system. Just dip into the joy juice and seal ends with wax. Put them in a cigarette pack for ease of access.

 

They are a hoot to use on buddies but even better when there is a know it all trying to impress the girls at bars. All you do is ease over to the action and drop a few of those tubes strategically on the floor. It won't be long until someone breaks one and guess who the gags, retches, and angry comments will be directed at?

 

And if you're buddy is trying to muscle in on the girl you've picked...just reach over and give him a playful tap right in the cigarette pack.

 

Believe me, in crowd full of drunks, you'll never see more hilarious looks, comments, and it.....well its a barrel of fun.

 

Oh, my gosh.. my best ole friend had that one played on his in his glovebox.. lol.. cost him a gal.. and I spent a week laughing helplessly... lol.. No, I didn't do it, didn't know a thing about it.. but yeah, I knew who did do it.. lol too funny.

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We had a BOss that we didn't much care for when I worked at a Target while going to college. She took a weekend off (bad idea) and we painted her office for her. We did it very professionally, and it was a fine paint job. Of course there was the fact that we had taken pepto bismol to the local hardware store and had it colormatched. It was so awful it almost made you sick to stand in the room! I got blamed for this one, and I proudly accepted because it was funny. Even funnier when the regional bosses showed up Monday morning for a meeting and they ended up sitting in that pink room all morning. Took a lot of coats of paint to cover that pink!

 

 

And then there was the time that some genius (wasn't me, I wish I was this devious) popped the "k" and "j" keys off the keyboard and reversed them in the shipping office of the same Target store. NObody back there was a typist, tey all just did the "hunt and peck" thing. They started complaining that everytime they tried to type a "K", they got "J". They couldn't figure it out and finally had to call in the district regional computer guy. He figured it out, laughing, and we all got another lecture about the evils of practical jokes.

 

Pepto is about the most ugly color ever.. lol.. That had to be a ball!!

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Not going to say how I know but putting someones license plates on upside down is a guranteed traffic stop from any LEO who picks up on it. Nice thing is if the person is a jackass to the officer, has outstanding paperwork etc it will not be a good day for them.

Hee hee... cute idea..... there are some people I know who would get so upset over being pulled over they would probably spend the night in jail before they were done being stupid.. lol

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Foil Ketchup packs under the tabs on a toilet seat is always good, when the patsy sits down they splatter in the bowl and the poor bastard thinks he blew a roid

Dustys... only you ..... is all I can say.. lol... you have a kinky kinda sense of humor.. lol

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There was a widely disliked English teacher in high school. I helped work on him a lot. The school's main building. was an 1890s sandstone structure three stories high with a basement. The doors were almost 8' tall with frosted glass panels and a transom above. The windows all tilted out at the top for ventilation. The floors were hardwood and sloped from back down to the black board.

 

We pulled the hinge pins out of his door and watched him fight to sty alive when he unlocked it for the first class of the day and it fell on him.

 

We put liquid solder in the key hole and heated it with a soldering iron.

 

We put honey on his chair and watched him sit in it all day rather than admit that we got him.

 

We rolled BBs down the floors.

 

We rigged fishing line to the window latches and the window fell open at strange times.

 

We put fishing line loops on books in the little "library shelf" and books flew off the shelves.

 

We jammed the talk switch on the intercom so the office heard ever word spoken until the janitor came and disconnected it.

 

We put wood wedges under the door when he was in the room alone so he couldn't get out.

 

He lasted one year. His wife taught a third grade in a school where my Mom was the first grade teacher. Mom said the woman was so hated that parents finally went to the principal and school board and got her replaced at spring break.

 

Never saw either one after I graduated.

 

 

Other than than one man and that one year I wasn't in to practical jokes much. Well......once in a while, but not often.

 

fortys.. this is so much like you... lol. I am pretty sure you came up with most of the ideas,,,, and now.. you are pretending to be inocent.. lol..

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My favorite pranks involve fake memos on April Fools Day. They key to this prank is to make the memo very official looking and to instruct the recipient to do something that seems plausible but out of the ordinary. The memo should have detailed instructions and be fairly lengthy. It must, however, include an April Fools message as the last paragraph to be a humorous prank. Otherwise, it's just a mean stunt and the humor can get lost in a hurry. The fun is to getting as many people as possible to do the task in a public fashion because they didn't read the note thoroughly. Then you get to see their reaction as other people point out that it's a joke and they'd been had! :)

 

For the first such prank I was working at a small company of sixty employees. Payday happened to fall on April Fools Day so I distributed an official looking memo that said that the payroll computer had crashed with everyone's time sheet submittals for the last month. Until everyone in the entire company re-submitted all their time sheets for the last month (we got paid monthly), nobody would get paid. Even if all time sheets were submitted by day's end, it would take a week to update records and issue the paychecks. You should have seen the frenzy as people scrambled to cover the bills they'd paid by checks that were mailed that morning.

 

The second stunt occurred at a much larger office of about 500 people. The company's main photocopy machine had just received some major repair service, so the setup on the memo was that the repair man had noted too many people had been using the machine for personal use. To prevent personal use, anyone making copies from now on would have to log the number of copies on a special report form (which I created and attached to the memo) that had to be signed and then submitted in person to the company's chief financial officer. (After all, breaking the company's Xerox machine was serious business! :ph34r: )

 

To verify that the forms were accurate, there was a section where the person was to enter the beginning and ending values from a sheet counter that had been installed on the machine for just such a purpose. If the cover plate of the counter was not open, the person had to go see the company president to get the key to access the counter. (Again, the company was taking Xerox machine abuse very seriously. And there wasn't really a sheet counter. This was a ruse to get people to go to the executive wing and see the president who happend to be a friend of mine.)

 

The memo's last paragraph said that if the company president could not be found, the person was to contact Willy the janitor to get a hammer to smash the cover off the counter so proper entries could be made on the form. This was the final clue that the memo was fake, followed by a small "April Fools".

 

Dozens of forms got turned in to the CFO that morning and three people actually went to the president's office to get the key! ;) I was good friends with both men and we laughed so hard that day!

 

 

Lol... that is funny.... We have this plan for the 1st of april.. We are all going to have lunch the day before at the same place.. complain about feeling sick before we leave,... then all meet in the morning to call in sick together.. ya'll know my boss loves me, right? lol..

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I've never really considered practical jokes either practical or funny.

So, I never have been able to rhyme much.. but I bet you can write us a poem about it??? lol..

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Deja, this person you're wanting to get even with, this oughtta work.

 

Put an ad in the yard sale column of the newspaper with his/her address and the wording:

 

"Giant ALL INDOOR Yard Sale. 7:00 AM"

 

 

and of course the date of the Saturday morning you want to ruin for him/her.

Oh, man what a great idea.. lol.. He is and old pal... so I can't do a soulmate thing for him cuz he is married.. lol.. But I could auction off his house or worldly belongings and feel good about it.. lol

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I paid to have an obituary placed in the Chicago papers for a friend that loved to read the obits..

 

I am such an a$$hole........

Nah... just funny.. lol.

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K.. so please keep the ideas coming.. I have a reason for asking this... someone signed me up to a single site and I am getting buried in emails.. lol... and I am going to pay him back if it the last thing I ever do.. lol.. He is a good friend living in Co that I recently have heard from a few times.. I just know he did this.. lol.. It is so his style.. so How am I going to pay him back? I admit the first one I opened I had tears in my eyes from laughing.. he so knows I would not do this.. lol.. Geesh.. so... I need paybacks here please.. lol

[/quot

 

Here's one for you, kind of a reply in kind.

 

Put an add in his local personals, either the paper or on Craigslist

 

Man looking for another man for occasional get togethers, must be into leather, spankings and crossdressing

 

Put in your friends e-mail in the applicable spot.

 

And then repeat at odd intervals over the next several months

 

Or you get can get him on various mailing lists of companies that specialize in "adult" products or adult novelties.

 

The internet is your friend! :D

 

Okay.. I am considering the adult products.. lol... his wife is a bit ahhhh conservative so the men seeking men thing might really be to far to the left for her.. but she might swallow the products things.. I am going to order a few be sent to him asap.. lol.. I have not seen him in 25 years+ so this was so unexpected.. He called to chat and then suddenly I got a bunch of emails after giving him my addy.. lol.. So I know it was him.. his sense of humor is the very same after all this time.. lol.. But I plan on getting so even.. lol.. It is so much fun...

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When I was very young, I helped 2 fellers load a bear dat dey shot . it was killin' der cattle.

 

 

We put it in der Chevy Metro and drove down da dirt road.

 

 

Bout when dey hit 30 mph, I heard screams and saw dem 2 doors fly open and da 2 fellers bell out !!

 

 

Laugh so hard, I pieed in my pants !!:lol:

Apaches.. I would have taken a week to get up after laughing over that one.. lol..

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The avatar is a pic of our fearful leader telling me I am #1... :blink:

 

JJJ-D

:ph34r::ph34r:

Well, if LLC's said it then it must be true.. JJJ's is number one... lol...

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Had a female friend call my recently divorced PITA co-worker claiming she was from the local office of Parents without Partners. She told him there had been several complaints of Herpes from women he had dated and would he please go to the Dr. and get checked out. He never discovered the culprits.

ouch. .that is over the top.. lol... darn.. lol

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I have sometimes thought of scattering a small amount of smokeless powder on a sidewalk. No piles or anything that would flare if hit with a lit cigarette, just enough that folks walking into the building would have trace amounts on their shoes and some bigshot politician would cancel his visit. Never did it, I don't think anyone else would think it was funny.

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Sometimes it ain't about funny, it's about revenge

 

Bugs

 

Most times in my cases it is revenge. Its near always directed at people I know. The guy who kept greasing my office doorknob? Well, I learned to always grab hold of it with a paper towel in case. However, I don't know if he ever figured out why the dogs kept peeing on his tires to the point it reeked like a puppy mill. Yep, just squirt a few drops of fox or coyote pee on their tire. The dogs will do the rest trying out hike the others.

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A friend of many years is still a New Yorker at heart and a die-hard Yankee fan. About 15 years ago another of our friends spent a ton of money to have a front page of the NY Times printed up declaring YANKEES SOLD! MOVING TO LOS ANGELES! and a lot of other real news...and put it in with his morning mail in place of the real thing.

 

I thought the poor guy was going to have a stroke.

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I recall reading about a Cubs Fan. He would tape every game the Cubs played. If they won, he saved the tape. If they lost he would reuse the tape. This gave him a library of Cubs wins that he enjoy all winter knowing that the Cubs would win the game. Yeah, it wasn't that big a library.

 

One year his brother added a few tapes of losing games.

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