Aw Joke --- Two more Jokes added

[Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L]

I tacked this on to one of Red Logan's posts cause his was a sinilar joke.

 

From the viewed stats, not many people read it, so here it is again for everyone.

 

DDD

 

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A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

 

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

 

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

 

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

 

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

 

 

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

 

 

He said, "Take the dog for a walk."

[Red Logan #12252]

I read it!!! aw good one to.... now its my turn..

 

 

One day a man decided to retire...

 

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

 

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

 

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

 

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

 

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

 

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

 

"But, where did you get the tools?"

 

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

 

The guy is stunned.

 

"Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."

"Would you like a drink?"

 

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

 

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

 

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

 

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

 

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

 

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm certain you feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for, right?" She stares into his eyes.

 

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

 

"You've built a Golf course?"

[Chili Pepper Kid, SASS #60463]

[Deadeye Doug Dalton SASS#65449L]

Mother Nature was walking through a park one day, when she noticed the two statues that were

 

there, a boy statue and a girl statue. She said, " You have been such good statues, for so long,

 

I'm going to give you 15 minutes of life to do what ever you want.

 

The boy statue looked at the girl statue and the both smiled at each other.

 

They climbed down off their pedestals, grasped hands and ran off into the bushes.

 

The bushes started to shake and rustle.

 

15 minutes later the two statues returned to their pedestals, but Mother Nature said,

 

"I don't think 15 minutes was enough, I'm going to give you another 15 minutes."

 

This time the boy statue said to the girl statue, "This time you hold the pigeon, and I'll $hit on his head."

 

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John played golf with his friends, but after nine holes they left, and he played the back nine by himself.

 

On the 12th nhole, he hit the ball in the rough. It landed in some flowers, buttercups. John looked around,

 

no one was watching him, so he moved the ball on to the grass before he hit it. Just then Mother Nature

 

appears. She says, "Thank You, for not hurting my buttercups, you can have free butter for the rest of your life."

 

"To hell with that," John says, "Where were you when I was in the Pussywillows."