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  1. Friends, kindred and brethren, in-laws, out-laws and everyone else, I may be a little better off than I realized. I was all on fire to preach a pulpit-bangin', passionately-voiced sermon on the evils and ills of drinkin' and drivin', and then it occurred to me -- (this occurrence is the main reason I write this) I was all set to post the video I just watched from the local TV station, where a well oiled 19 year old hit a STATIONARY fire truck athwart the starboard front wheel assembly, which of course shivered the fire truck but ricocheted his Jeep Liberty across three lanes of traffic and into the ditch. As usual, it was not the fire truck that came out in second place. I was all set to hold forth at length, with waving finger and powerful oration, on the evils and ills and how this is why the PO-leece are so hot to catch them wicked rascally drunk drivers, and matter of fact I was practicing my oration in front of the bathroom mirror and by golly I got wound up like an eight day clock and I brought my fist dramatically down on a tube of toothpaste and spent twenty minutes cleaning up Crest from the painted wall and the back of the toilet and the floor. Not to mention that bright moment when it went squish and I looked in the mirror and realized just how much of a damn fool I was making of myself. In that moment of solemn contemplation, while the white paste was drooling down the wall in decorative bows and stringing its way to the linoleum, I saw how much hair I don't have anymore, and what's left is pretty well devoid of pigmentation. Okay, I have now arrived at Decrepit Old Age. With old age comes wisdom. The wisdom I've gained is that, there are enough Law Dogs here in the Saloon, enough firefighters and medics, enough folk who already know everything I was preparin' to go all sulfur-and-brimstone on ... No sense to plow the same ground twice. I took this small delivery of old decrepit wisdom and decided I'd not post my Stereoptical Rant after all. I keep telling myself that the wife will be pleased that the bathroom mirror is nice and sparkly clean ...
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