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Buckshot Bear

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  1. Watched the latest episode last night and really enjoyed it... Could see that sad ending coming.
  2. Long time since I saw that in Oz (Since Port Arthur) and it was very common in the country.
  3. An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have s*x with him.Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay Her $200 for the deed. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne."So am I" she says."What suburb in Melbourne?""Glen Iris" he says."That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?""Cameo street" he says.""This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"He says "Number 20" and she is astonished."You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!""I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"He who drinks Australian - thinks Australian!
  4. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified:"Wife wanted."Next day he received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  5. The Carjacking An elderly woman did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad. The woman, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags in the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, to no avail. And then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant, to whom she told the story, nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
  6. New South Wales Rifles & Shotguns - https://www.police.nsw.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0003/131178/Safe_Storage_Level_1_Fact_Sheet.pdf Pistols & Self Loading Rifles - https://www.police.nsw.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0004/131179/Safe_Storage_Level_Two_-_FACT_Sheet.pdf
  7. In a situation like this does the game warden allow you to harvest the deer for dog food so it doesn't go to waste?
  8. Watched Pale Rider the other night and really enjoyed it again. Also watched a History of Violence with Viggo Mortensen in it and even though I've seen it a bunch of times thoroughly enjoyed it as well.
  9. What are the safe laws in your State in the US (if any) in regards to keeping firearms locked up/secured?
  10. How a marriage works A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.' 'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife. 'I'm going to the bar, pretty face..I'm going to have a beer.' The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries other than Australia: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?' You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. 'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...' 'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your ^$%#g beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your *&%^$%^%&g snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't ^$%#g going anywhere! Got it, Arsehole?' So he stayed home......................and, they lived happily ever after. Now, isn't that a sweet story?
  11. Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: He began to rub my chest. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!' Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
  12. Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."
  13. Them's fightin' words.....are ya' packin' heat? "Are ya' going to pull that pistol or just whistle dixie"? LOL
  14. We currently have a Serbian tennis player that was able to get a full three judge federal court hearing on a Sunday morning within 12 hours of asking for it......us peons would be lucky if we got one within 3-5 years if ever !!!!
  15. BODY MEETING: All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge "I should be in charge," said the brain , "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen". "I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The asshole is usually in charge !!
  16. NEW CASHPOINT MACHINES Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember it when you use the machine for the first time. MALE PROCEDURE 1 Drive up to the cash machine. 2 Wind down your car window. 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5 Retrieve card, cash, and receipt 6 Wind up window 7 Drive off FEMALE PROCEDURE 1 Drive up to cash machine. 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine 3 Re-start the stalled engine 4 Wind down the window 5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror 7 Attempt to insert card into machine 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car 9 Insert card 10 Insert card the right way up 11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page 12 Enter PIN. 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 14 Enter amount of cash required 15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror 16 Retrieve cash and receipt 17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside 18 Place receipt in back of cheque book 19 Re-check make-up again 20 Drive forwards 2 metres 21 Reverse back to cash machine 22 Retrieve card 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided 24 Re-check make-up 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off 26 Drive for 3 to 4 miles 27 Release hand brake
  17. Alec Baldwin finally surrenders mobile to police in Rust probe Nearly a month after authorities secured a warrant for the piece of evidence, actor Alec Baldwin has complied with the request. How did this take a month? https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/alec-baldwin-finally-surrenders-mobile-to-police-in-rust-probe/news-story/f8d352c1ae5d70c9ebd1a13f4d3552bc
  18. https://www.news.com.au/technology/environment/tsunami-warning-issued-for-parts-of-nsw-victoria-queensland-and-tasmania/news-story/8d8de2b3c69d8d5bc96aa1c2bf1f18c6
  19. Looking at the water level and all's good so far.
  20. As a mal de mer sufferer, I wouldn't have liked stagecoach travel.
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