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Buckshot Bear

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Everything posted by Buckshot Bear

  1. US June https://statisticstimes.com/economy/countries-by-petrol-prices-and-gdp-per-capita.php Here's November https://www.globalpetrolprices.com/gasoline_prices/
  2. Cheap in Russia.....not so cheap for my NZ cousins.
  3. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 120 km. per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT THE #*** UP??" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" To which she replies.... "Only when he's been drinking......"
  4. A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt??? She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher.
  5. Well here's some Fosters that won't be bottled for sale to the rest of the World now.
  6. Well.....it is a hot place! "Mexicans, New Zealanders and Romanians ranked lowest in terms of how frequently they got drunk, according to the report". Well not to sure about that.....I've known a lot of New Zealanders and they were all pissheads!
  7. So sorry to read this, all the very best thoughts and wishes to your wife and yourself.
  8. A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man answered, "Yeah, heaps mate, I was a salesman back in Oz." The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?" The Aussie said "One." The manager groaned and continued "Just one? Here in Harrods, our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" "£108,637.64", the Aussie replied. The manager choked and exclaimed "£108,637.64? What the hell did you sell him?" "Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so took him down to Harrods car sales and I sold him a Cayenne "The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and 4wheeldrive?" "No, no, no...he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said..."Well, since your weekend's not gonna' be much, you might as well go fishing.
  9. There once was a bloke who had worked hard all his life, never went to the pub and had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his cash. Just before he died, he said to his wife,"When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque....
  10. Bruce took his missus to a restaurant. The waiter took his order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." The waiter said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself."
  11. Currently in Aussie peso's $1.20 for a factory .357 https://www.horsleyparkgunshop.com.au/product/9460-federal-american-eagle-357-mag-158g-jsp-50pkt?categoryId=3079
  12. 'There is no official national record of fatal shootings by US police officers, and reporting of incidents by police departments is voluntary. A tally by the Washington Post published this week shows more than 900 people have been shot and killed by police in the last year'. To an Aussie, the above figure sounds an incredibly high number......does that ring as true?
  13. I read awhile back in one of the Aussie gun rags that some of the Aussie artillery shells use up to 20 -30 kilos (depending on shell) of Trail Boss. I've looked everywhere to reference the article but can't find it. I'm sure it was in the SSAA mag, any other Aussies remember reading the article?
  14. Surgeon fined for amputating wrong leg https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/health-problems/surgeon-fined-for-amputating-wrong-leg-in-austria/news-story/99f8ff208dbe7d847c6d2552175e63ce What's a leg worth?.....not much by that fine!
  15. Our club laid builders plastic on flat ground and made up timber frames 32' x 4' and poured concrete into them (put a couple of steel pipes in) when they'd set we had a crane lift them with chains through the inserted steel pipes and placed into concreted H beams.
  16. What are some of the Pre Stage scripted shoot sayings that you've said? ie - "I'll be your huckleberry" "You gonna' pull that pistol or whistle Dixie" "Eat lead"
  17. US police officer dismissed after shooting alleged shoplifter in wheelchair nine times, killing him https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-12-02/us-police-officer-shoots-dead-tucson-man-in-wheelchair/100668278 Anyone see any justification in that video for 9 shots?
  18. An old bloke in Ballarat owned a large farm. The farm had a large dam in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and an orchard with some apple and peach trees. One evening the old bloke decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young sheilas skinny-dipping in his pond. Very politely he made the sheilas aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the sheilas shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave, you dirty old bastard!' The old bloke frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you sheilas swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile...' Some old blokes can still think fast....
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