Sgt. C.J. Sabre, SASS #46770

Before I retired, I would sometimes play The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" as I left work. ALWAYS ended JUST as I pulled up to the house! 8 minutes and 31 seconds from work to home.

About Mach 1.

It depends on how good of a wifi signal they get under the bridge.

Don't ask Brandon. He'll probably tell you that he spoke to him just last week.

I remembered this from some years ago referencing that very idea. I didn't write this, I'm not this clever, but I certainly agree with it. I present, THE MAN RULES: Please note: These are all numbered"1 " ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think your fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, We meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. if you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle... 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics As Football or Hockey. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

My wife ask me what I was planning on doing today. I told her "Nothing." She said "That's what you did YESTERDAY!" I said, "I wasn't done!"

That's fine. She's leaving the Miller Lite for me.

That's because they don't have any business of their own to mind.

I'm already fat. That's why the girl wouldn't have anything to do with me. I might as well get the pleasure out of eating the Oreo.

There is a suitcase?!?

The Googlefoo is STRONG with this one!

The difference is that I could DO something with the Oreo.

In this vein...

Mary had a little sheep. With the sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram. Mary had a little lamb.

If it was me, it'd be the wall two buildings over!

Speak for yourself.

You ever stop at a crosswalk to let pedestrians cross and have them look at you in astonishment? I have. Not lately, but I still remember it.

Been doing that. So far it doesn't seem to be working.

We need to find out who's to blame for that.

When they were dating, (early 1900s), my Great Aunt told my Great Uncle that she wanted to go to the Ohio State Fair. He drove her up there, drove all around the Fairgrounds, and took her home.