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DocWard

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Everything posted by DocWard

  1. Lock her up and throw away the key!!! That’s no way to treat expensive musical instruments!!!
  2. I was on I-70 West yesterday, driving through the last of the snow, being careful with the horse trailer in tow, and a guy breezed past me on a Harley.
  3. Funny thing. I went in last week for a haircut. I only recently started going to a new place, and the young lady has cut my hair four times now. I was wearing my Wranglers and Justins, which I will often wear to work (and the boots for shooting). When I sat down in the chair, she glanced down and asked "Do you watch Yellowstone?" I laughed and admitted I do not. I explained it looks really good, and I am involved in so much, the last thing I need is to add something else to my schedule. I mentioned I started watching another series (Cobra Kai) and still haven't finished it. She let out a slightly surprised "Oh." I thought I should then mention I shoot cowboy action, and my wife shows Quarter Horse, so the clothing is pretty typical. We had a pretty good conversation from there.
  4. After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop. Chief exclaimed........ "All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop. The Chief then asked...... "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Cop:"Bigger." Chief:"Governor?" Cop:"Bigger." "Well," said the Chief,"Who is it?" Cop: "I think it's God!" Chief:"What makes you think it's God?" Cop:"He's got the Pope for a limo driver
  5. Thanks for taking the post in the good humor it was intended. I re-read it and realized it could be taken as such, or I could come off sounding like a jerk. And I can understand people wanting to get out. I've traveled and seen and always come back though.
  6. Wapakoneta is in Ohio? Who knew? So that would mean the other astronaut should have the state flag for New Jersey on his shoulder? Or, since the moon isn't shown and the size of the earth, it could also be John Glenn, Jim Lovell or Donn Eiselle, who beat Neil into space. All from Ohio. There are a slew of astronauts from Ohio. Just goes to show what lengths people will go to get out of this state! (there, I beat someone to it!)
  7. Helps to be born and raised and still live in Ohio, I suppose! Oh, I find that fascinating, but I don't need to try to figure out why you can.
  8. I'm just sitting here trying to figure out two things. Why the astronaut on the right has a gun. Why his flag is the flag of the State of Ohio.
  9. “Little old lady got mutilated late last night “ wins the award for best use of alliteration in a rock song.
  10. I once did that with a 1911 mainspring when I was in the Army Reserve, while giving a class on the dissasembly, cleaning, and reassembly of the 1911, just as I was saying something to the effect of "be careful about the spring because..."
  11. Not a meme, but I couldn’t resist: After getting nailed by a Navy Seal, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!" An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"
  12. Resistance is not futile! It’s Voltage divided by Current!
  13. And yet, somehow, I'm utterly content with that fact.
  14. Now see, if they’d been driving a black Trans Am, they would have made it!
  15. And oracles. Don't forget oracles.
  16. I didn’t check in the alias look up, or go through all the previous pages so I hope this hasn’t been mentioned. As I was shaving this morning, I happened to glance down at my shaving brush and saw the words “Pure Badger.” I thought, now that sounds like a good alias. Conjures up the image of one mean hombre. “Don’t mess with him, he’s pure badger.” I think if I ever change my alias and it’s available, that may be my choice.
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