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Wolfgang, SASS #53480

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Posts posted by Wolfgang, SASS #53480

    Yuge ones

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    I saw an abreviated version before. I think that the perp fired one shot that took out the display case.

     

    "Some viewers may find this disturbing" . . . Who ? . . only idiots that are thinking about robbing a gun store. :P

    then the fight started . . . .

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    And that's how the fight started.....
    ________________________________

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
    'No,' she answered.
    I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?'
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started...
    ________________________________

    I took my wife to a restaurant.

    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."
    And that's when the fight started.....
    _______________________________

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
    And then the fight started...
    ________________________________

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
    ______________________________

    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

    She asked, "What's on TV?"
    I said, "Dust."
    And then the fight started...
    ________________________________

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds."
    I bought her a bathroom scale.
    And then the fight started......
    ______________________________

    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

    The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
    I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
    So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
    And then the fight started...
    ________________________________

    My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

    She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
    "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
    And then the fight started........
    ________________________________

    I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

    The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
    He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
    So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
    That's how the fight started.

     

     

    Manson in the hospital

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    Doctor says: I've got good news and bad news, which would you like to hear first.?

    Patient says: Give me the good news.

    Doctor says: We have a heart that we can use for your transplant.

    Patient says: What could possibly be the bad news?

    Doctor says: Charles Manson is the donor.

     

    That is a gud in . . . . . :huh:

    Read this for the real deal

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    The Cody Firearms Museum at the Buffalo Bill Western Heritage Center (I think that's what they call it now) in Cody, WY has a number of firearms once owned by Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill and Theodore Roosevelt, among others, as does the Gene Autry Museum in CA. The Cody Museum is actually several western history museums in one and is well worth taking two or three days to see it all. -- GIT

     

    Ditto . . . both those places. Haven't been to Cody Museum . . .but to the Autry a few times. Great collection of old west stuff and historic connected guns. :)

    Children . . . . . .

    in SASS Wire Saloon

    Posted

    7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children
    A
    little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
    The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
    The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
    The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
    A
    Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
    As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
    The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
    The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
    Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
    A
    Sunday
    school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
    After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
    From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
    O
    ne day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.


    She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
    Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
    I love this one!

    T
    he children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
    'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

    A
    teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
    'Yes,' the class said.
    'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
    A little fellow shouted,

    'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

    I LIKE THE NEXT ONE IN PARTICULAR
    T
    he children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
    'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
    A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'

     

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