Subdeacon Joe
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Posts posted by Subdeacon Joe
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7 minutes ago, Marshal Mo Hare, SASS #45984 said:
Salo redux
Good stuff, Maynard!
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1 hour ago, Cypress Sun said:
They actually make jeans like that, with the torn knees and other parts of the pants. You wouldn't believe the prices of them either. I did some work at an "upscale" clothing store and saw the price tag for jeans exactly like that...$250 to 375. I asked if people really bought them. The reply was that they were one of their best sellers.
I'd rather see a girl (good looking one too) carrying a chamber flagged AR w/loaded magazine that knows how to use it than an unarmed victim such as those back in October.
Yeah, and I don't understand it. Even as a kid I hated holes in my jeans.
Back in the 1980s there was a fashion of jeans with a series of parallel rips in the front of the thighs. One young lady asked me what I was staring at, so I told her that I was fascinated that the 16th century "slashed" look in clothing had made a comeback, and that it had started with Landsknecht mercenaries. She didn't take it well.-
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She needs to patch those jeans.
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2 hours ago, Buckshot Bob said:
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1 hour ago, Alpo said:
Reading comprehension is a wonderful thing.
That third one up there. Mary greeted Elizabeth and Elizabeth's baby John leaps in her womb.
I did not read that as John was jumping for joy in Elizabeth's womb.
I read that as when Mary greeted Elizabeth, John lept into Mary's womb.
Huh. Never heard that part of the Christmas story before.
You really need to lay off the pickled egg, sauerkraut, and anchovy pizza.
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I don’t mean to be a Grinch, however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together!! Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my margarita out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
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I had to ask because going back and forth between tabs got confusing and some I couldn't match up at all:
"Joe he's a salty dawg.
From top down, left to right.
Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal, gold star means second award.
Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medal, gold star second award.
Navy Unit Commendation
Navy Meritorious Unit Commendation, two stars means three awards
Looks like the Navy E, but it's missing the silver E in the middle.
Good Conduct Medal, Silver star means 6th award, plus two bronze stars means 8th award. Enlisted earn it every three years, so 24 years of good conduct.
National Defense Service Medal, bronze star second award
Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal
Sea Service Deployment Ribbon, Silver star means 6th award
Navy/Marine Corps Overseas Service Ribbon, bronze star means second award."
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Dear Arm & Hammer,
As your customer I would greatly appreciate in the future if you could affix warnings or perhaps bold letters depicting the words "MENTHOL" on the bottle of your "EXTRA STRENGTH PLUS" sinus rinse.
As a long time customer of your saline washes, I was left to assume that "EXTRA STRENGTH PLUS" referred to the sodium level in the saline spray. I stand corrected in my assumption. It actually means SPICY ACID BATH OF NOSTRIL LAVA.
This product set off an unexpected chain of events which led me to quite literally; shit my pants.
As with prior sinus rinses I inserted the nozzle into my nostril, tilted my head back, and began to spray the saline wash into my nose letting it work it's way through my sinus canals. Suddenly, with a thunderous vengeance, the menthol activated. It felt like I had snorted pure wasabi. My whole head began to burn like a prostitute trying to enter the Vatican. I felt burning in places I had never felt sensations before. It was so hot, my third eye began to water. I can only describe it as my "inside face" had caught on fire. Meanwhile my teeth, armpits, and groin suddenly felt freezing cold. Parts of body began to tingle, as if my Spidey Sense was warning me that the worst was still yet to come.
This sudden combination of sensations prohibited me from leaning forward to let it drain from my nose into the sink. Instead, it began to run down the back of my throat sending me into an uncontrollable coughing fit, ultimately leading me to lose control of my rectal retention. Thus removing my ability to govern self control over my sphincter - which regrettably induced an episode of what I'd like to call "unexpected wet farts of despair." I'd estimate, I coughed five times in total, whilst simultaneously farting each time. Each one sounding exactly like air escaping a balloons blow hole being pinched and spread apart. Crying out in a high pitched whine mimicking someone whispering the word "Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?" in a really really sad voice.
Take note Arm & Hammer: "Half blind, on fire, and shitting your pants," were not mentioned in potential side effects. You may want to add that for legal purposes.
I implore your marketing and design department to have the word "VERY SPICY" printed on the front of the label. Along with "MAY SHIT PANTS."
Your loyal customer,
Sean
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It's Almost Friday Humor Thread
in SASS Wire Saloon
Posted