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Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/14/2020 in Posts

  1. 30 points
    I went to our local club yesterday for some plinking time with 22s. At the other end of the firing line was a group of 20-somethings who were quite, diverse. Two lesbians, a dorky hipster, one I wasn’t sure about, and the group leader was a scruffy hippy with more hair than any five of us Saloonatics combined. My old-fart-caution-sensors were pinging so I kept an eye on them for safety’s sake. There was something that just felt off. But after an hour or so of me ventilating tin cans and watching them, here’s what I saw. All were wearing hearing and eye protection. The hippy was giving good instructions about how to safely handle guns, and letting his friends try his guns to ventilate their own cans. His friends were attentive and purposeful in listening. Never did a gun come close to breaking a 170 while trying the hippy’s guns. They communicated clearly about taking the range cold, with chamber indicators and every safety policy followed to a T. In short, my first impression was completely wrong, the hippy was doing it right, and four new young people were being introduced to the shooting sports. After sweeping brass I went down and talked a bit. It was enjoyable for sure getting to know them. And my world became a better place that afternoon.
  2. 17 points
    I'm supposed to be downsizing my militaria collection. Selling some. Gifting some. Don't want to leave the mem sahib holding the bag when I croak. But I saw this thing and for some reason couldn't exist. Unwrapped it today. Nice patina but I didn't get it for that. Being a Bohemian at heart, I'm all about Beauty, Truth, and Love. I figgered that this might be cleaned up to show it's true beauty. So I cleaned it up a bit and Et Voila! Oh, the reason I was attracted to it is... Now I feel like I'm having coffee with the admiral in his stateroom! While I was rubbing it, I was waiting for a genie to pop out with an armload of cash. Didin't happen.
  3. 17 points
  4. 14 points
  5. 14 points
  6. 14 points
    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face ... Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?' 'Just a couple of minutes ago'
  7. 14 points
    Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice, cold beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?” The second nun answered, “Indeed it would, Sister, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable buying beer, since I’m certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.” “I can handle that without a problem,” the first nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with their beer. “We used beer for washing our hair!” the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it ‘Catholic Shampoo!’ ” Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed ‘em in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: “The curlers are on the house!”
  8. 14 points
  9. 13 points
    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads..."
  10. 13 points
    The Church and the Saloon. In a small mid-western conservative town, a saloon owner started construction on a new building to open up his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the saloon from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before the opening when a lightning strike hit the saloon and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rejoicing after that, till the saloon owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, “I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a saloon owner that completely believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't.”
  11. 13 points
  12. 13 points
  13. 13 points
    I survived my surgery, I am told everything went well. My pain is significant but not intolerable. I'll update in a day or two. If you don't care, send me you address and I'll send dead flowers If that's not funny I blame the anesthesia
  14. 12 points
    I finally got my email giving my customer number and telling me they will email me more updates as they are available. So soon I will be proud owner of American history in form of M1 Garand.
  15. 12 points
  16. 12 points
    It's a USN kettle. If a genie pops out of it he'll be handing you a mop and telling you start swabbing the deck.
  17. 12 points
    Charlie, Thanks for posting this. I am quite sure I got some evil eyes when I left the Navy and started shooting at ranges and in competitions. I let my hair grow and some folks just couldn't handle the concept of a bearded long haired gun toting guy on their range or in their competitions. Frankly, I didn't care, but others seemed to. Especially when I used to shoot at Tactical Competitions put on by LAPD SWAT officers. Closed mindedness and bias will be the death of our shooting sports and our rights if we do not learn to accept people.
  18. 12 points
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  20. 12 points
    Mule or Donkey Two soldiers were detailed to bury a dead mule. While the soldiers were digging the hole, they got into a loud argument as to whether the animal was a “mule” or “donkey”. A chaplain was passing by and heard the soldiers arguing and went to see if he could solve their dispute. After the soldiers explained what they were arguing over the chaplain said, “Fellas, in the Bible both the mule and the donkey are called an ‘ass.’ Why don’t you do the same?” The chaplain departed, pleased that he had solved their argument. Later, a lady saw the soldiers digging the hole and she comes over to them and asked, “Are you soldiers digging a fox-hole?” One soldier replied, “Well lady, that’s not what the chaplain would call it!”
  21. 12 points
  22. 11 points
    Found on the web. While your recollection of Silly String might, well, call to mind silly things like pretending to be Spider Man and shooting string webbing from your hands, there’s a deadly serious application for the otherwise silly novelty spray. Silly String is an expanding foam that, when sprayed through the tiny nozzle found on the can, turns into long string-like strands of foam that quickly sets in the air (due to the rapid evaporation of the solvents and propellants). The end product, a thin noodle of foam millimeters across, is incredibly lightweight–Silly String piled high on your hand barely weighs more than air. The extreme lightness of the product is exactly why U.S. soldiers began using it in the field. The spray projects yards from the nozzle, it takes shape almost instantly, and it can drape across tripwires without triggering whatever trap the wire is attached to, allowing soldiers to either avoid or disarm the trap.
  23. 11 points
    It was a deck railing yesterday morning.
  24. 11 points
    There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like: "IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!" or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!" or "IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!" The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds. Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eyes. The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
  25. 11 points
    I'm a truck driver. Several years ago, I had a delivery that could only be driven to from the access road behind a Rest Area off the Interstate. It just so happened that the DOT had a portable Truck Inspection Station set up in the Rest Area that day. One of the Officers saw me driving behind the Rest Area and thought that I was trying to get around being inspected. He jumped into his car and proceeded to meet me at the next onramp. He pulled me over and gave me a ration for trying to bypass the inspection. I tried showing him my paperwork for the delivery, but he wasn't having it. He performed a full DOT Inspection on me and my truck, but found nothing, (because I'm a professional, ya know). As he was finishing up his paperwork, a bunch of flies started buzzing him. He was waving his hands and clipboard at them, but they just wouldn't leave him alone. "What's up with all these flies?!" he hollered out of frustration. "This is horse country" I told him. "What do you mean by that?" "Those are Circle Flys", I told him. He started to hand me my paperwork, but stopped and asked, "What do you mean, 'Circle Flies'?" "Circle Flies are called that because they fly circles around the back end of horses", I explained. He pulled the paperwork back and menacingly asked, "Are you calling me a..." "No Sir", I interrupted, "I'd never say anything like that to a Law officer." Finally handing my paperwork back, he said, "Good thing," "Of course it's hard to fool those flies though."
  26. 11 points
    Is it just me, or does anyone else see a resemblance?
  27. 11 points
  28. 11 points
  29. 10 points
  30. 10 points
  31. 10 points
    Left in the dark for last 3 hours...Learned something new....When the power is out every flashlight in the house needs new batteries...What do they talk to each other???? Texas Lizard
  32. 10 points
    Cajun 12 Days of Christmas Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix him las'night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma wit old lady Romero. Marie Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouille an made a little gumbo out of dem. I cooked a big pot o' rice, made potato salad and got plenty crackers, so it's going to be ok! Marie Day 3 Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish, you? I'm tired of eating dem damn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Bayou Pon Pon an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster. I'm gonna' bet on the rooster. Marie Day 4 Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more friggin' birds you! Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds" were so noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. Da be worst than any guinea hens! I used dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators. Marie Day 5 Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful you. I like dem golden rings, me! I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cane Lounge. Merci Beaucoup! Marie Day 6 Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you Cajun turkey! Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geeses. He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout and his ears. Dey good at eating cockroaches, though I may stuff one of dem wit oyster dressing on Christmas day. Marie Day 7 Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you! Thibodeaux, da mailman, is ready to kill ya too. The merde from all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue him good yeah! I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from New Iberia blasted dem out of de water. Da taut day wer geese. Talk to you tomorrow. Marie Day 8 Dear Boudreaux, Poor ole Thibodeaux, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and got the scours. What a mess. See almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night. Marie Day 9 Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens. But we got plenty milk! Marie Day 10 Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper; the Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin'. Marie Day 11 Dear Boudreaux, Where y'at? Cheerio an pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he having a good time, yeah, dancing with de floozies. Thib he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it no. Marie Day 12 Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. I found out he really knows how to blow his pipes, if you know what I mean. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, dancing ladies can make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimps business. We will probably gross a million nex year. A la prochaine, Boudreax and Au revoir. Marie
  33. 10 points
    A priest, a minister, a rabbi and Joe Cool were playing golf. When Joe Cool cane up for his shot he swung and missed. Frustrated, he yells out “ Awe Damnit! I missed!” This made his golf partners uneasy. He went on to hit the ball and then up at the green it was Joe Cool’s turn again and he swung and missed. Frustrated, he yells out “Awe Damnit I missed!” The minister asked him not to talk this way and told him to calm down. At the next tee Joe Cool goes last again. He swings. He misses. ”Awe Damnit! I missed!” The rabbi asks him to quit swearing, but Joe shrugs it off and hits his ball about halfway down the fairway closer than his partner’s balls. They get down to Joe’s ball. He gets ready, swings and misses again. He blurts out “Awe Damnit! I missed!” This time the priest has to say something. He says “Joe, you have been asked to quit swearing. It’s obvious our please do no good so I have said a little prayer that the next time you swear, the lord will hit you with a bolt of lightning.” Joe gives the priest a sour look then hits his ball onto the green. Once the others hit their balls onto the green it’s Joe Cool’s turn again and he grabs his putter, addresses the ball “Hello Ball” then swings....and he misses! ”Awe Damnit! I missed.” At that moment the winds pick up. The sky darkens with looming black clouds. A bolt of lightning and a crack of thunder emanate from the clouds striking the trio and burning the minister, priest and rabbi to a crisp. Their blackened bodies slumped over on the ground, Joe is stunned! All of a sudden the clouds part and a booming voice pierces the sky... ”AWE DAMNIT! I MISSED!”
  34. 10 points
    An Army private was driving his Jeep along a muddy road just off base when he came across another Jeep being driven by a Major who was mired in the muck and spinning his wheels. Wanting to make a good impression on the officer, the Private pulled up and asked "is your Jeep stuck Sir?". The Major replied "No Private, YOURS is."
  35. 10 points
  36. 10 points
  37. 10 points
    I'm not one to gloat or put on airs, but I don't have to watch the weather anymore like the common folk. For the measly sum of a hunert dollar bill; I acquired a genuine East Tennessee Widder weather rock! No sir, I don't have to sit in front of the TV anymore to see what the weather is. This thing tells you! All you have to do is set it on yer windowsill. If it's wet, its raining. If it has snow on it, its snowing. If its gone, take cover cause it could be a tornado. That or Tyrel has stolen yer weather rock.
  38. 10 points
    Omnipresent = present everywhere. Omnipotent = all powerful. Omniscient = all knowing. Omnidumbschitt = all stupid.
  39. 10 points
  40. 10 points
  41. 10 points
  42. 10 points
  43. 9 points
  44. 9 points
    Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing... He said: “Just checking my balance.”
  45. 9 points
    I'm still trying to win Pong on my Atari...
  46. 9 points
    Immaterial. Actually. I've found when judging the strength of the case, so long as the 6 pac's make it all the way to the car, it doesn't matter.
  47. 9 points
    Don't throw your old blue jeans away or donate them to charity. They will make great, Biden approved, targets for practising self defense shooting on your next trip to the range. "Shoot 'em in the leg! Right, Joe? What a moron.
  48. 9 points
    A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.” The cop says, “You are the lawyer.” The lawyer says. “Exactly, so where’s my present?”
  49. 9 points
  50. 9 points
    Jesus and St. Peter went golfing. St. Peter was all decked out in his golf outfit , he hit a drive about 300 yards and it was on the green. He stood back and admired his shot. Jesus got up with a battered robe on, a wooden staff instead of a golf club. He hit the ball about 10 yards. A squirrel ran up and took the ball and just then an Eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel with ball in its mouth. He flew toward the hole and the ball dropped about an inch from the hole. Suddenly it got dark and the ground shook and the ball dropped in! St.Peter said, “Are you going to play golf today or just mess around?”
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