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Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/04/2016 in Posts

  1. 34 points
    Got the referral done for the cancer center in Farmington NM. Appointment in 2 weeks. We plan on hitching the mules to the wagon and headin home on Monday! Colorady or Bust! 1,932 miles. Faugh A Ballagh!
  2. 31 points
    My granddaughter's tiny grade school in Vaughn (~140 students) had this sign on the front door for the first day of classes yesterday.
  3. 30 points
    I went to our local club yesterday for some plinking time with 22s. At the other end of the firing line was a group of 20-somethings who were quite, diverse. Two lesbians, a dorky hipster, one I wasn’t sure about, and the group leader was a scruffy hippy with more hair than any five of us Saloonatics combined. My old-fart-caution-sensors were pinging so I kept an eye on them for safety’s sake. There was something that just felt off. But after an hour or so of me ventilating tin cans and watching them, here’s what I saw. All were wearing hearing and eye protection. The hippy was giving good instructions about how to safely handle guns, and letting his friends try his guns to ventilate their own cans. His friends were attentive and purposeful in listening. Never did a gun come close to breaking a 170 while trying the hippy’s guns. They communicated clearly about taking the range cold, with chamber indicators and every safety policy followed to a T. In short, my first impression was completely wrong, the hippy was doing it right, and four new young people were being introduced to the shooting sports. After sweeping brass I went down and talked a bit. It was enjoyable for sure getting to know them. And my world became a better place that afternoon.
  4. 30 points
    So to speak. Today, I retired from my Law Enforcement job, after 34 years of full time and 36 years total. I start in the morning at a local gun shop as manager. Working in Law Enforcement was a front seat at the greatest show on earth, but it's time to change to something else.
  5. 29 points
    Howdy, The sawbones was able to locate Widder's heart and perform the double-bypasses and heart valve replacement. He's currently in ICU and doing fine. The bunkhouse boss is soon expecting to visit Widder. Thanks for your prayers & kind thoughts. PS: Red Knee, appears that you won't be inheriting Widder's #4 '97. 08/19 Widder is sitting upright and eating some vittles with assistance from the bunkhouse boss. Later today he will take a short stroll. 08/20 Spoke to Widder for a few minutes. He sounded good but is anxious to be home & get some real food; BBQ, hamburgers & Mexican food. He didn't mention ice cream or nanner splits. Told me to come on over soon so we could go out on the farm and shoot. Glad my pard is doing well. Vaya con Dios, Keystone
  6. 29 points
    Hello to All! As the new Chairman of the ROC, I wanted to first thank Virgil Earp for his long and distinguished service as our Chairman. Virgil has been a tower of common sense, and one of the long time keepers our the SASS "Old West" collective conscience. He has been a true inspirational leader in our community, and has contributed much over the years to keep our game on the right track. We thank him for his service as Chairman, and are very grateful for him staying on the ROC to continue giving his guidance. Virgil, my hat is off to you....you are a true Cowboy! I have big shoes to fill, no doubt. A quick word about the ROC, our role and process. As many of you know, the ROC is NOT a rule making body....that role is filled by the TGs, and in very extenuating circumstances, the SASS Wild Bunch Board. The role of the ROC is to support the evolution of the game, foster better enforcement of the rules and safety covenants as evenly as possible throughout the organization. We are available to communicate with SASS members for the receipt and discussion of ideas, concerns, proposed improvements, and various changes or clarifications of the SASS competition rules contained in the Shooters Handbook. We are also charged with the clarification of existing match and equipment rules. In that regard we complete an annual review of the rules and suggest edits as needed. We volunteer as a match officials, and represent SASS and the ROC at matches attended, and are required to be a resource for members and match coordinators. We also review and provide timely feedback on Equipment Modification applications received and distributed to the ROC by SASS HQ. We are here for you all, and will help in any way we can. As you can see we can be very busy at times. When the "What's The Call" (WTC) questions come up on the SASS Wire presenting situations that have never been dealt with or considered before, Palewolf Brunelle (ROC Member and Wire Spokesman) will forwarding those questions to us by email or ROC Wire. We then take the time to consider the questions and the details. We will discuss and email between ourselves to clarify the issue, and agree on the official ROC position. That resolution will then be posted on that particular SASS Wire - WTC thread. Having said that, I would ask you all for your patience with Palewolf, as he will get the answer posted as soon as possible. This process can take time, as some of us have other commitments (work and family) that we need to prioritize. Essentially, give us the time needed to get you a good, thoughtful and right answer. I would rather take the time to give a "quality", as opposed to "quick", answer. The process for rule changes takes a ground swell, and it takes time. If clubs feel a rule should be changed, added or deleted your TG should first float the idea among your club members, then on the TG wire for discussion. If the idea has merit, the issue can be made a TG Meeting Agenda item for further consideration and discussion. This process takes time, and it should! We should never move quickly to change existing rules and philosophies.....as we don't want to "tilt at windmills". As a community we should react slowly, even to changes that are truly needed, and driven by the majority of the community...not passing fads. We need to always do what is best for SASS and our game. Finally I would like to inform you all that Sassy Dancer has been appointed to our committee. She is a top shooter in her own right, and true Cowgirl who keeps the SASS vision and conscience at heart. Her positive attitude and community spirit exudes what we value in SASS. I am truly honored and thankful to have her on our team. See you all down the trail!
  7. 27 points
    1- To help out worthy causes like the Happy Trails Children's Foundation, SASS Scholarship Fund, etc etc. 2- SOMETIMES YOU WIN! I bought a few raffle tickets at Winter Range to benefit the Happy Trails Children's Foundation. I figured at the time I was just making a donation and had pretty well forgotten about it. Fast forward to earlier this week, I got a call from Dutch at HT telling me I'd won the grand prize for that drawing! A pair of consecutive serial number AWA Peacekeepers in 45 Colt, Nickel, with 4.75 in barrels. and A holster set made by none other than Bob Brown the world renowned leather artist! It has Sterling Silver buckles and tips, and is said to probably be the last rig he made before he passed.
  8. 27 points
    Two weeks ago tomorrow I got a call from a medical worker that is also a family friend that informed me that two employees at an imaging company where I had an MRI performed had active Covid-19 cases. The place that did the imaging was pretty dirty and when they sent me in to the dressing room there were two gowns on the floor and one on the dressing chair from previous patients. I asked her about that and she picked them up and put them in an open hamper. On the way into the dressing room I noticed that the bedding on the MRI table looked like it still had imprints from the previous patient. I asked the tech about it and she rearranged the bedding, I should have walked out then but I wanted to find out about my back pain. This was on June 25th. Well on Sunday before I got the call I shot a match up at Norco with no issues felt fine and we all did our social distancing stuff. Well after I got the call the next Tuesday I called the Match Director and let him know that I had been exposed. I didn’t become ill until that Thursday morning. Body aches chills, fever etc. I lost my sense of smell and the only thing that I could smell was a constant sweet, sick smell not to far away from smelling like Balistol. Friday I drove down to the hospital and had the nose swab done at the drive through testing kiosk. Friday night, Saturday and Sunday I was really suffering from body aches and my temperature had only gotten up to 100.5. Sunday afternoon I got an email from the hospital that they had lost my swab and I needed to be retested. My wife drove me down to the hospital on Monday afternoon and we both got tested in the ER because they had shut down the drive through testing. Well the ER was a mess. Every patient that came in was having their pulse checked and their oxygen content checked using the same finger clamp that everyone else did, none of the chairs were being cleaned between patients, etc... After waiting 3 hours and still not being tested a young ER doctor came out and questioned me about my symptoms. One of the ones that tipped him off was the sense of smell thing and then when he looked at a rash that I had on the back of my left arm, shoulder, neck and lower back that looks very similar to ring worm he confirmed it. I had already did a video visit with my personal doctor and he insisted that I get tested. Anyway they do another swab on the other nostril and test my wife and we’re free to go. They don’t prescribe anything. Tell me to drink lots of liquids and take Tylenol and use the altimeter to check my oxygen level 3 or 4 times a day and monitor my fever. I got an email that evening telling me that I had tested positive for covid-19, my wife was negative according to her email. The next day, last Tuesday I was feeling pretty good and my appetite was returning which was good because I hadn’t felt like eating anything since Friday. The county health nurse called and we kind of got into it because she said that I was confined to my house and I told her that I had a shop that I spent a lot of time in and she told me that unless it was attached to my house that I couldn’t go out there. I told her that it was 75 feet away and since I was the only one that goes in it that I would be spending a lot of time in my shop. She then wanted my cell phone number as a contact number and I told her that I’d rather she call my home phone number instead and she insisted on my cell phone number. Well little did she know the cellular phone does not work down in the holler where I live and I rarely take it with me when I go anywhere. I was tied to a pager, cell phone or two-way radio for many years and really detest being tied to them now. Turns out according to a neighbor that works for the county they use your cell phone to track whether you’re staying home or not, good to know. My temperature has been normal since last Thursday and I’ve had no other symptoms and according to them I’m free to get out on Thursday the 16th. One of the county nurses came by today and took my temp and asked me a few questions and told me that I didn’t have to be retested. My wife got retested this morning. She’s been going to the office everyday and since she is an essential employee and the only one in the office it’s not a problem. I spent quite a little time out in the shop today and being able to smell the shop smells was a good thing. Yes I was part of the high risk group beings I have limited lung capacity and past breathing issues. Never during my illness did I feel that my lungs had been weakened or compromised. I think one of the things that helped me in my recovery is my wife loads me up with lots of supplement like lysine, vitamin c, reshi, Black elderberry and a bunch of others.
  9. 26 points
    First time in many years that I've seen a cop car behind me with the lights flashing. Wasn't speeding or driving wildly, checked it all as I pulled over. Good looking young deputy sort of snuck up to the side window and asked me to open my trunk and unlock all of my doors. After a few seconds he explained that they just got a report of a child being taken and thrown into the back of a white late model Chevy sedan. As I pulled back onto the highway I saw a few dozen LEOs, State, County, Township, and City, plus a County Constable all pulling white sedans over....and that was only in one direction from where I was going. We have great police here, take the job very seriously, and manage it almost always with a smile or a grin. God bless 'em all. I hope they found the kid alright.
  10. 24 points
    https://www.google.com/maps/d/view?mid=1a5THNVZ2Dm_-CUf9h8jW6-fO8k1DPpab&usp=sharing I developed a map that might help to streamline the planning of trips incorporating Cowboy Action Shooting matches. This map contains SASS affiliated locations’ listings derived from the SASS website. Always, always check with the club directly before making any definite plans. Some of these clubs’ locations and websites as listed were almost impossible to confirm and/or update. Depending upon the number of views/interests I will update and enhance the attributes of the map. For corrections, please contact Dungannon Gunner via the SASS Wire Forum.
  11. 24 points
    I hate masks... That said, I'm not going to stop shooting because I have to wear a stoopid mask. This whole crazy polarized positions on mask wearing is silly. Having the two extremes...the crazed mask wearers accusing the non-mask wearers as "Murderers"...the crazed non-mask wearers accusing all mask wearers as being "Sheep"...geeeze...let it be! If you feel that you need to wear a mask, wear it! If you feel you don't...then don't. A lastly, respect each other's decisions... Phantom
  12. 24 points
    I’ve wanted to do this for a LONG time. So, I finally walled in an 11’ X 11’ room, put in a security door with a digital lock and loaded it with all my firearms. I’ll do a lot of filming for JED iTV in this room with the main wall of my CAS gear behind me. Figured y’all might enjoy a look at this... *Not responsible for damage to keyboards caused by drooling.
  13. 23 points
    An old friend sent me this. And N.Y. old friend I mean he’s really old. I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one. Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response. Don’t irritate old people. The older we get the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent. Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.” Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors. “You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did. I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens... I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly. It turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff. I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was. Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.” I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas. As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation. I thought getting old would take longer. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday. Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does. My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. That’s when the fight started. Me: Sobbing my heart out, “I can’t see you anymore.....I’m not going to let you hurt me again.” Trainer: “It was one sit-up. You did one sit-up.” Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely.
  14. 23 points
    Obviously, more information is required to make the correct call in the OP situation. @JohnWesleyHardin, please provide: Shooter’s category and S.A.S.S. badge number. Height, width, & weight of the targets. Height, width, weight, age, & gender identity of the shooter. Height, width, weight, age, & gender identity of the timer operator. Target distance from the shooter, as well as spacing between targets. Model, barrel length, gauge, and choke of the shotgun used. Factory or reloaded ammunition? Powder, wad, shot size, hull, & fps specifications. Date, time of day (GMT), and location coordinates. Weather conditions.
  15. 22 points
    I survived my surgery, I am told everything went well. My pain is significant but not intolerable. I'll update in a day or two. If you don't care, send me you address and I'll send dead flowers If that's not funny I blame the anesthesia
  16. 21 points
  17. 21 points
  18. 21 points
  19. 20 points
    I had a notification that one of my meds was ready to pick up at the Safeway Pharmacy, so I stopped by after work. Of a change I was able to just walk right up. Gave my date of birth and name, person looked it up and said, "Oh! We have one ready now and will have three more for you if you want to wait just a few minutes." Sure, why not. Went to look for thermometers. Came back and as I got there a lady maybe in her late 60s had stepped up. So, as is custom here I waited off to the side of the counter while she was dealt with and my prescriptions filled. Lady looked at me and gestured behind her to the aisle, "Maybe you could wait there." "Ma'am, they are working on an order for me." "They are working on something for you?" as if she had trouble understanding. "Yes, Ma'am. And this is where people usually wait." "Well, I just wanted to keep my six feet." I looked at her, judged the distance and said, "You're out of bayonet range." "What?" "You aren't in bayonet range." She gave me a very odd look.
  20. 20 points
    That's a BIG No-No!! Spotters are NOT required to remember the shot(s) / target(s) missed. If one sez so-n-so target and the others say something else, both of them could be right and the shooter should be happy that they didn't get more misses. Shooter should NEVER argue...keep it up and you'll get a MDQ. Shooter may ask the TO if they would ask the spotters to discuss...and then stay out of it. Poll the spotters after their discussion (which usually centers around a spotter seeing or not seeing an edger. But PLEASE DO NOT THINK or DEMAND that all spotters agree on what they saw!!!! Phantom
  21. 20 points
    Ya do a good job. I hope everyone that appreciates your work will post a good word for you. And I hope those that don't post also think highly of you. That way, you should know that many appreciate your Wire efforts. I think they need to double your pay..... ..........Widder
  22. 19 points
    The Cajon Cowboys had to rebuild their range earlier this year because the new owner of the ranch where the range is, totally rebuilt the entire facility. Most of the facades were salvaged but placing them and securing them in their new locations took hundreds of hours of labor and lots of hardware and paint. I held a gun cart raffle to aid in the rebuilding costs and to drum up badly needed labor I came up with another scheme to give another gun cart away to the working force. Well BearTrap, the Cajon Cowboys match director got wind of it and shut it down, he said one was enough. Choctaw Gal his long suffering wife and I were visiting one day while we were doing some painting and we came up with another idea. She filled out slips of paper for all of the workers who had put in lots of hours and those that had really put in the hours had more slips put in the hat with their names on them so some folks had a slip or two in the hat and some had a lot of slips in the hat. We were going to draw the winning ticket at the State Match on the first week of September but we decided that since all of the tickets had been sold that we’d draw the winning ticket at a monthly match in May, I believe it was, anyway a winning ticket was drawn from the raffle tickets and Choctaw Gal then brought up the hat and we drew a winning ticket for the labor pool. Running Bare was the lucky winner and here is the cart that I built for her. The lumber is ambrosia maple or beetle killed maple. The leatherwork was all done by Double Diamond from Escondido. Through and sliding dovetails were used as well as mortise and tenon joinery where required. She wanted the trays to be deeper to hold the ammo and shot shells in a similar configuration as their current gun cart and I think I came pretty close. I’m meeting them up at Norco in the morning for the hand off and they’ll get to use it this weekend. I did a few extras for this cart such as the ebony pegs on the doors and the IPhone carrier on the side of the cart.
  23. 19 points
    I'm supposed to be downsizing my militaria collection. Selling some. Gifting some. Don't want to leave the mem sahib holding the bag when I croak. But I saw this thing and for some reason couldn't exist. Unwrapped it today. Nice patina but I didn't get it for that. Being a Bohemian at heart, I'm all about Beauty, Truth, and Love. I figgered that this might be cleaned up to show it's true beauty. So I cleaned it up a bit and Et Voila! Oh, the reason I was attracted to it is... Now I feel like I'm having coffee with the admiral in his stateroom! While I was rubbing it, I was waiting for a genie to pop out with an armload of cash. Didin't happen.
  24. 19 points
  25. 19 points
    Things are getting out of hand. I just saw this call for protests on Facebook.
  26. 19 points
  27. 19 points
  28. 19 points
    As am I however, I’ve never been to a match that they sponsored or were vending at... I sponsor every match I attend and work extremely hard, (as do other cowboy owned bullet makers) to support this sport and those who participate in it. For example, Winter Range 2021 I will be a stage sponsor. That’s. $3,000 commitment - cash and merchandise.That will be the biggest financial commitment to date - most are $250-$750 depending on match - cash/cash and merchandise. No, I don’t offer a 5% discount because I “give” to EVERY SASS member - whether you’re my customer or not - through my sponsorships and donations. I’m not knocking MBC. They have their business plan and I have mine however, my INVESTMENT in the sport is from my heart... and don’t forget... Free Hug with Purchase! Big hugs! Scarlett
  29. 19 points
    ... those kids will go far.
  30. 19 points
  31. 19 points
    For those of you who know us only through our company, please be comforted to know IT is still in very good hands. For those of you who just know us, get ready to see more of us on the line and out visiting. The new owners are no strangers to SASS and Cowboy Action. They are Mid Valley Drifter and Buckshot Shelley of Badman Bullets. They have been a major vendor for us since they started their business and know pretty well the market and may even provide a more efficient process for product to market. We offer Congratulations to them on their new enterprise and we wish them all the best of luck. THANK YOU,, to all the cowboys who have used our products and to our vendors for their support in making SliX a viable company. A company we had hoped would offer affordable, quality parts that fit a need in your shooting pleasure and success. Thanks again, Big Iron Buster & Ol' #4
  32. 19 points
    A note to all Forum Users: The goal of the SASS Wire Forums is to provide a fun and resourceful place that users can come and discuss topics in regards to SASS and Cowboy Action Shooting. We also want to celebrate free exchange of information and conversation, and realize that "spirited" discussion can happen at times when the subject matter is one that we feel passionately about. It can be a challenge to express ideas and opinions in the written word and nearly impossible to judge intent of the manner of which it is intended. Please keep that in mind when posting on the forums- be considerate of the challenges we all face when trying to communicate on the SASS Wire. We are not looking to curtail expression- everyone has their opinions and are entitled to them. We want to make sure that everyone is able to participate fully and express themselves without fear of ridicule. There IS a difference between a debate and an argument. Arguments are disrespectful and will not be tolerated. Treating each other with respect is paramount. Please be considerate of the challenges that we all face when trying to communicate on the SASS Wire. Please refer to the following excerpt from the Guidelines: Inappropriate or offensive content and disruptive behavior will not be tolerated. To assist in defining inappropriate content, ask yourself the following questions when making a post: - Is this message SASS-related? (with the exception of the Saloon forum) - Is this message something most members would like to read? - Does this message add value to the forum? - Is this something I would say to a person face-to-face? *If you cannot answer yes to all of these questions, please reconsider posting your message. IGNORE FEATURE TIP: If you find there is a forum user that you no longer wish to see posts from,-regardless of the reason, there is a feature built in to the SASS Wire Forums that allows you to "IGNORE" a User. There are a few ways this can be accomplished. You can either hover over the member's icon that you wish to ignore and a "Ignore" option will come up- taking you to your Ignored Users page within YOUR account. This is where you can manage the content you see within the Forums. You can also arrive at your Ignored Users page within your account by clicking on the down arrow next to your name/account info in the top right corner and select "Ignored Users". This is similar to "unfollowing" someone in Facebook. Thank you, Misty Moonshine & the SASS Wire Moderating Team
  33. 19 points
    SASS Alias: Dutch Coroner SASS #: 82128 Where you are from: Virginia How long you’ve been Cowboy Action Shooting: 10 years
  34. 18 points
  35. 18 points
    I went by Widders' house today and there was a sign out front by the road. It said "talking dog for sale". Well, that spurred my interest so I decided to stop in and see what was going on. I went in and told Widder I seen his sign out by the road and wanted to check this dog out. Widder said help yourself, he's in the kitchen. I said OK and went on in there. I seen the dog and said hey boy. That dog turned around and looked at me and said "howdy". I was dumbfounded and the first thing I thought of to ask is "what have you done with your life?" The dog replied, "well, I started off in the Swiss alps helping save victims from avalanches. Then I served my country in Iraq. I finally came to Tennessee to retire." Well that made me mad and I went back in there to Widder and asked him why he wanted to sell that dog that's helped so many people in his life. Widder said, "cause he's a dang liar. He ain't done none of that stuff!"
  36. 18 points
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  38. 18 points
    I'll take a different approach. Frankly, we don't know what's going to work and what isn't. I'd rather encourage local clubs to (so long as reasonable safety rules are enforced) relax or suspend various rules or make changes and test things out. The grassroots is the biggest laboratory for change.
  39. 18 points
    SASS Alias: Tame Bill SASS # 30699 Kansas Shooting for 18 years
  40. 18 points
    SASS Alias: Titus A. Gnatsass SASS #: 71705 Where you are from: Missouri How long you’ve been Cowboy Action Shooting: 12 years
  41. 18 points
    Me and J-Bar also known as the Evil Twins
  42. 18 points
    SASS Alias: Prairie Dawg SASS #:50329 Where you are from: Ohio How long you’ve been Cowboy Action Shooting: About 15 years
  43. 18 points
    SASS Alias: J-Bar SASS #: 18287 Where you are from: Missouri How long you’ve been Cowboy Action Shooting: Since 1998
  44. 17 points
    Hey all, I read the guidelines and since these videos fall under educational materials and entertainment, it seems to be OK. Before the new format a lot of you watched them, so maybe I'm back!
  45. 17 points
    Odin, retired U.S. Army, 2008-2020.
  46. 17 points
  47. 17 points
    A racist is a person who is winning an argument with a Liberal.
  48. 17 points
    Baptists I was raised Baptist. In Texas, no less, where Baptists reign. Sunday school, Sunday service, Vacation Bible School, Royal Ambassadors, countless potluck dinners, no dancing, no alcohol (but I did wonder about all that interest the men would find in ol’ so-and-so’s pickup truck parked behind the barn) – yup, all that. A good, clean, wholesome upbringing. Sunday services were wonderful. We all dressed nicely in our “Sunday-Goin’-To-Meetin’” duds. Sermons were captivating. Singing… when it was time for hymns, some the choir would sing and for some of them the entire congregation would raise our voices in wonderful chorus. When we sang, we put our hearts into it. And then there was Communion. I always thought this was a bit mysterious, but enjoyable. Unlike my Catholic friends (whom I had accompanied to their services a few times), we did not line up and get handed a cracker. Rather, we would sit and wait patiently and respectfully in our seats, as trays of little wafers (Saltines?) were passed down, followed by trays holding little “shot glass” wine cups. During the Communion ceremony, on cue from the pastor, we’d all munch our crackers and drink our “wine.” Welch’s grape juice. When done, we would place our empty cups into the little wooden communion cup holders conveniently built into the back of the pew in front. Well thought out! Okay. Jump ahead to about 1987. With the whims of fate, I found myself married to a Catholic girl. One day she announced that two of her friends were going to get “re-married” for their twentieth wedding anniversary, and we were invited to the ceremony. Oh good! I always enjoy a good wedding – ‘specially the reception! And she tells me, they’re Baptists. Cool! So on the given day and time, we reported to their church. Actually a bit early; much better than being late. And then the day got weird – it seems the now-former-Missus-Hardpan had never been to a Baptist church. When we walked in, she looked about with some bewilderment. “Where’s the Holy Water?” she asked. “Why… we Baptists don’t do that Holy Water thing,” I advised her. Continuing her confused lookabout, she asked “Well… where are the confessionals?” “We don’t need ‘em. We are allowed to talk to God directly – and if we mess up, we can ask for forgiveness without a mediator.” She seemed surprised, then followed me into the sanctuary, where we found ourselves a pew. A very nice, very comfortable pew… a thickly padded and upholstered pew, as it was. Much different from the hard oaken seats in her church. I plucked a hymnal from the rack on the back of the pew in front of us, and began leafing through it, enjoying finding some of my old favorites, as she gazed about, visually exploring the strange setting. “So where’s the baptismal font?” she suddenly asked. “Oh, we don’t do it that way here,” I explained. “See that curtain up there? Behind it is like a giant aquarium. When baptizing time comes, the pastor takes the candidate in there for a full immersion. We're dunkers, not sprinklers.” “Really??” she asked with astonishment. After a bit, she asked “Where’s the altar??” Obviously, she was used to seeing an ornate station with statuary and such. “Nope. We don’t do that either.” A few minutes later: “Who’s that guy up there wearing a suit?” “That’s undoubtedly the Pastor.” “What?? Where’re his robes and stole and such??” Again… nope. Our guy doesn’t need that. Then, looking down, “Wait! There’s no kneeler!” “Nope. We don’t kneel. We might stand for some prayers and songs, but nix on the kneeling. We can kneel at home, but don’t have to here.” “Um… no statues or paintings or stained glass windows of saints?” “Nooooo. But ya might see St Nick at the Christmas potluck!” And so it went. On and on; I was starting to get a little annoyed. Maybe even a little more than a little. Just as I was really getting in to “How Great Thou Art” in my hymnal, singing robustly in my head, she discovered the wooden communion cup holders on the back of the pew in front of us. “What on Earth are THOSE?” she demanded, pointing to the li’l holders. Okay. That does it. I turned to her and, after taking a deep breath, asked “So, have you noticed any sort of a different theme between our churches?” “Whaddaya mean?” “Okay. Have you noticed that the pews are more comfortable than those at Saint Basil’s?” “Why, yes! They are MUCH more more comfortable! I’m actually impressed!” “Well, there’s a reason for that.” “Oh? Really? Uh… like what?” “Well!” I continued. “When Church is in service, we Baptists like to be able to focus on the pastor, and give him our undivided attention without any distraction from being uncomfortable.” Her eyebrows ratcheted upward a notch at this hitherto unknown nugget of knowledge. “Okay,” she asked, “so what about those things?” pointing again at the “holey” wooden fixture. “Okay. So, look around. Do you see how everyone is dressed?” “Well, yes! Everyone is dressed very nicely. After all, we ARE here for a wedding.” She said with decisiveness. “Okay. Well, here’s the thing. You see… this is how we Baptists dress for services EVERY Sunday,” I told her. Wide-eyed, she blurted “What! Really? EVERY Sunday?” “Of course! Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘Sunday-Goin’-To-Meetin’ duds?’” I asked. Then I continued, “THAT is what the phrase refers to. Unlike YOUR church, we dress respectfully.” She pondered for a moment, undoubtedly thinking of her church’s congregation, where on any Sunday you’d see plenty of people dressed in shorts, T-shirts, sandals and flip-flops. I suspect that by now she might be approaching comparative religion overload. Finally, her mind seemed to complete its circuit, and she pointed again to the communion cup holders. “So what’s all this have to do with THAT thing?” she demanded. “Okay,” I said with a sigh. “What are you wearing on your feet?” “Why, heels, of course!” with a quick, involuntary glance at her feet. “And the other women here?” She covertly glanced about, and noted that most of the other ladies were similarly shod. “But what about THOSE?” tapping the holder. “Okay. Dear, we’ve established that the Baptist Church has the parishioner’s comfort in mind, as they want no distraction from DIS-comfort. Right?” She nodded her comprehension. “So. Would you say that your heels are particularly comfortable?” She admitted that they were not. “Well, with that in mind, the thoughtful Baptist church designers have provided these nifty racks. You can simply slip your shoes off, and hang them from these racks. Just hook them heels into the holes, and they’re handy to slip back on when it’s time to leave after services. This way, the ladies don’t have to grovel around on the floor looking for ‘em under the pews!” I returned to my hymnal, as she literally gaped at the fixture with an expression of sheer amazement. There are many things that I could say about the Former Missus Hardpan, especially at this time of my life. But one thing that nobody could ever say about her is that she was stupid. She may have been uninformed, perhaps, but definitely not stupid. I do not know when realization hit. I do not know how realization hit. But it did. And when it did, she did. And everybody within a three-pew radius looked up at my yelp of pain when her bony little fist nailed my right bicep. Hard. At least she let me alone after that; fortunately, the wedding ceremony and reception were pretty up-beat, and for once there was no “carry-over” punishment for me. Yippee!
  49. 17 points
    Shooting Bull 82460 Las Vegas, NV 10 years
  50. 17 points
    Dantankerous SASS # 85193 Kansas Playing cowboy for 9 years.
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