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Suffering from a hangover, he swore off ever using an ice cube again.

You know it snows too much when you start naming snow plows.

Alligators on acid...that would not be good. I know, it's a mushroom shown but think about it...drug plane goes down in the Everglades with psycho-active cargo aboard. First, it was the rednecks out froggin that "seen the plane go down", then...South Florida. Make a good horror movie though. Sharknado, only with gators racing out of the swamps. Heck, I'd go see that.

And that's why it was made illegal for Arabs to drink

....... no wonder I feel worn-out ......

That's a pc version of an old joke. W.C. Fields is attributed with saying that he doesn't drink water because fish () in it.

A lawyer parks his brand-new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off. Distraught, the lawyer grabs his cell and calls the Police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically, "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined! No matter how long it's in the shop, it simply will never be the same again!" After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody lawyers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life." "How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the lawyer. The policeman replies, "Didn't you notice your arm was torn off?" The lawyer looks down in horror. He screams, "Oh my God, where's my Rolex?"

Married life after 60 During check-in at airport for a non-stop flight, the airline staff was very apologetic to the husband and said: "I am sorry sir, the flight is really full today. We couldn’t put you and your wife adjascent seats. Your seat number is 14A and madam's is 42H." Husband: "Oh, thanks. Do I have to pay anything extra to you for this favor ?" *Staff: "No sir, your wife has already paid."

As many cartoons as you post you might want to start saving them to a file, so this sort of thing doesn't happen